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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed at this.

5 replies

xamillion · 04/02/2013 03:23

Argh! IABU I know I am, but I can't help it!

Ok, have NC because I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this. I don't have many friends, just through circumstance my friends groups have moved on/away from uni and then jobs (as you do) while I stayed in the same city. Despite being scattered across the bloody globe we keep in touch but obviously don't get to see each other really anymore, aside from the occasional arranged-well-in-advance-get-together. I miss having close friends to hang out with and go on nights out with.

My DP is from the city we live in and so has a lot of friends and acquaintances, some of which go back to childhood. He's also in a band here, so knows lots of people through that. His friends are amazing wonderful people who have welcomed me with open arms, and we all get in brilliantly. I love that we share a big friendship group but there's just a teeny bit of me that sometimes feels they'll always be 'his' friends more than 'my' friends. I am trying hard to make more friends of my own to balance that out.

The other day my DP and friends were at an event for a shared interest/hobby they have so I was home alone, I normally don't mind this but I really wanted a night out myself. However, as my friend groups have all moved away and my current friends were at this thing there was no one to go out with! I posted on Facebook that I was bored and a guy we both know through the band stuff replied that he was too. We chatted for a bit and eventually I suggested we go out to my surprise he agreed. I was quite chuffed at myself for organising a night out myself and was actually really looking forward to going out and meeting new people. We went out, my DP and friends came and met us later after their thing and we all had a really good night out, I really enjoyed it and we arranged to hang out again. I was quite chuffed at myself for making a new friend.

Today this guy messaged my boyfriend to ask if he wanted to join their band, as their current drummer has quit on them. My DP went down tonight to jam with them, really enjoyed it and is now in the band. I'm genuinely pleased for him, they're a really good band, really nice guys and I know my DP will enjoy having more chances to gig. That said I am a bit miffed that as soon as I might be making a new friend my bloody DP is in there again! There's nothing to stop me still being friends with this guy, I'm still hanging out with him later this week as planned, but being in a band together they'll naturally spend way more time together and get to know each other better. Any time I see him will now probably be in a group scenario with the rest of the guys .

I feel like he's stealing my friend! I know IABmassivelyU and tomorrow I'll get over it, but tonight I feel a little bit sad that I made the effort to make a new friend and now he's not :( IABU aren't I?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 04/02/2013 06:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claraschu · 04/02/2013 06:37

I think you are lucky to have so many fun and interesting people around you, in addition to having old friends further away. I understand you want close friends of your own, but in time you will find out which of these new friends are destined to become your particular cronies. It sounds like you meet lots of people and are very outgoing, so I don't think it will take you long.

NeverBeenToMe · 04/02/2013 06:47

But the guy messaged your DP. DP didnt muscle in on your friendship - unless you expected him to turn down the better opportunity that your friend offered? I DO hear where you're coming from, but think you're YABateenybitU.

ohfunnyhoneyface · 04/02/2013 07:10

You know yabu BUT we need to resolve this lack of friends issue!

What seperate interests do you have to your DP?

xamillion · 04/02/2013 07:32

I think you are lucky to have so many fun and interesting people around you

Oh, this, I know I know! I know IABU and of course I'd never expect him to turn down any opportunity just because of me. And I know he didn't really muscle in on anything, I was just feeling pretty sorry for myself last night.

One of my best friends is a guy from back home. After uni he actually moved to the city I live in now and we're still v. close friends. We used to hang out all the time, but after a while he joined my DP's other band and they have a serious bromance, now they see more if each other than I do!

We have lots of seperate interests, I have taken up netball which is female only so no chance of him getting involved in that :) I love anything creative but the problem seems to be that they're often solitary things; art, making jewellery, baking, reading. I'm trying to find more 'sociable' hobbies to get involved in.

Thank you for your kind words everyone, they made me feel better this morning. x

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