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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go on holiday instead of to old friends wedding celebration?

30 replies

smokinaces · 03/02/2013 17:46

Am lone parent to two boys and we have just been given confirmation that we were allocated a holiday in the sun newspaper thing.

We aimed for Mon-Fri, but have been given Fri-Mon
The same weekend as friends wedding
Friend now lives in new Zealand. Have been good friends for fifteen years, though obviously issues with distance etc now. She gets married in April in nz and I can't go due to money etc. She is then having celebration etc here in June.

Been in my diary for a year. I had planned on going.

But this is my children's only chance of a holiday. And even though its a caravan its first one like it with me since October 2009. We've stayed with friends but this is a holiday camp etc.

Am I an awful friend to now retract my acceptance of attending friends wedding? Holiday camp is ninety minutes drive so if I found someone to come stay with kids at holiday camp I guess I could drive back for evening?

Would you understand a friend in my situation emailing with this and apologising? I'm guessing she is coming back for a couple of weeks, so could offer to take them for dinner or something instead after?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 03/02/2013 17:47

I'd take the kids on holiday and try to find someone to sit for them for the evening. Kids holiday trumps any sort of wedding thing anytime

HollyBerryBush · 03/02/2013 17:49

Yes, I would understand, and your friend will too.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 03/02/2013 17:49

YANBU. If you were my friend I would totally understand. An email explaining the circumstances with the offer of dinner should be fine.

However if you could find someone to look after the children for an evening then that would be good too.

iusedtobefun2 · 03/02/2013 17:49

Your family comes first. You have to do what's right for them.
I'm sure they'll understand if you send a nice email explaining and then as you suggested do something with them at a later date.

DeepRedBetty · 03/02/2013 17:50

If she's a good enough friend she'll understand.

DeepRedBetty · 03/02/2013 17:53

It's three of you on the holiday, isn't it? But you'll have paid the price for four - £38. Could you take a friend/relative along to be the babysitter for the night of the party? The holiday park may be amenable to letting you do this if you ask nicely, talk to them direct rather than through Sun Hols.

spanky2 · 03/02/2013 17:58

Or speak to the holiday park and explain the situation and see if they can change the date . Typical though...

Original poster
smokinaces · 03/02/2013 18:07

I have asked my mum to come with us for a night or so, but she can't confirm yet.

Can't really change the date as it fits with work and school - just typical timing I guess.
if we had got the Mon to Fri which was my first choice it wouldn't have been an issue. My own stupid fault for putring dates that clashed too :-(

I think she will understand, I just can't help but feel guilty. Will email and explain and ask for a free evening for dinner. I just wasn't sure whether me expecting her to be understanding was unreasonable.

OP posts:
HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 03/02/2013 19:05

Honestly, if she's a good friend, you've known about it for a year, and youve told her you'll go, I would stick by the original commitment to her.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 03/02/2013 19:07

Your kids come first, regardless.

YANBU. I hope you get it all sorted! Smile

AThingInYourLife · 03/02/2013 19:14

I agree with HoldMe - I wouldn't bail on a good friend's wedding celebration.

Although if a friend cancelled for the reason you give, I wouldn't be pissed off about it.

Original poster
smokinaces · 03/02/2013 19:48

Well I have pmd her on fb and explained everything. I am hoping my mum can come to help on the saturday night. Or she takes up my offer of dinner. It's evening wedding reception from 7pm only, and chances are I would only get to speak to her for a few minutes with her being the bride and all, so dinner could be better in that respect? (Didn't write that to her btw!)

I will see what she says. I'm just so torn between my kids and my friend :-(

OP posts:
knackeredmother · 03/02/2013 19:52

I would be a little bit upset if a good friend bookeda holiday AFTER accepting my invite but I guess if you explain your circumstances I would understand . Good luck!

AgentProvocateur · 03/02/2013 19:53

If I'd accepted a close friend's wedding celebration invitation, I wouldn't go on holiday. Can your dates be changed?

Original poster
smokinaces · 03/02/2013 19:56

I didn't intend to book it for then. I was so convinced we wouldn't get one (never done the sun token holidays before) and just used dates that fitted school and work and stupidly didn't check the diary. I checked with their dad as he usually has them weekends (there was only one week dates we could do) but forgot to check any other dates - I so rarely have anything else planned :-(

You give five dates and five parks and its pot luck which you get. Just sucks i guess that out of all the combinations, this was the one we got timing wise.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 03/02/2013 19:57

the holiday is more important for your family. A wedding is only a party and of no interest to your kids. You wanted different dates, couldn't get them and have no choice. If you can get to both, fantastic, but if not don't worry - the dinner plan is good.

repeat - a wedding is only a party. She's the bride and you will only see her to say a quick hello.

Original poster
smokinaces · 03/02/2013 19:58

Agent, no dates can't be changed. they cash the cheque and the date is the date you are given. I guess that's the gamble with the tokens etc. I've checked and dates definitely can't be changed. Not without paying full price. Which I can't afford - the is a reason I chose the £9.50 in the sun ones

OP posts:
hermioneweasley · 03/02/2013 19:59

Gosh, for a friend who lives in NZ I would keep the commitment.

NotSoNervous · 03/02/2013 20:03

YANBU

BackforGood · 03/02/2013 20:07

I think as the friend is over for the first time in 15 years, and presumably likely to not be back again for similar length of time, I'd prioritise seeing her - especially as you've had the date for so long. I think if I were the friend, I'd be a bit upset, tbh, unless there is the opportunity to meet her for lunch or dinner on another night while she's over here ?

ladymariner · 03/02/2013 20:09

YADNBU. If this is the children's only chance of a holiday then if she's such a good friend she'll understand. It's a shame but you've got to do right by your kids....fingers crossed for you xx

Original poster
smokinaces · 03/02/2013 20:10

Backforgood, we have been friends fifteen years. She's lived abroad on and off since 2000. We have seen each other around once a year since - when she was Europe based I flew out, now she flies back to see family etc. She last was over in august and I saw her twice then. I'm hoping she is over for a few weeks, and dinner is an option - have emailed her this.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 03/02/2013 20:12

Oh, right - slightly different then Smile

13Iggis · 03/02/2013 20:44

If you had remembered to check your diary, would you still have put that weekend down as one of the potential holiday dates?
Your friend might find the whole pot-luck date thing hard to understand, needs to have that explained to her.
If it's only 90 mins would be a shame not to try to go at least.

Original poster
smokinaces · 03/02/2013 20:53

Iggis, no I wouldn't have done. I wouldn't have double booked on purpose. It honestly went clear out my head when I was picking dates. I had to think of work, school and their dad and forgot to check anything else.

I have had a reply. Friend is wonderful and has said if I can get there great, but that boys and holiday come first and they'd love dinner one evening in the leadup as they'd have a better chance of catching up with me than at the wedding and its all good.

I replied with how fab she is. Feel very privilidged to have such a good friend.

Thank you everyone.

OP posts: