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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be fed up of judgemental gps?

13 replies

RattyRoland · 03/02/2013 13:02

My dc gps all seem to have forgotten any bad behaviour, naughtiness or difficult parenting decisions from when they had children .

Whenever we visit one set, they will openly criticize my dsis/bil parenting, saying that the gc are naughty, always running round, not potty trained early enough etc. They also say gc are not very bright and clearly that is due to poor parenting and poor genes, not from them though! One gc is SN and not potty trained at 4, but apparently in their day sn didn't exist and children did as they were told . I dread to think how much criticism we will get when our baby gets older...

In dh and my case, mil thinks we should impose more discipline on ds (13mo) as he's too noisy apparently, were too soft on him comforting him when he cries etc.

Tbh I'm dreading when ds gets older as both sets of gp are so judgemental and critical (because obviously they were perfect parents and they say they found it easy looking after us).

Aibu to be fed up of the critique?and should we move to Australia?

OP posts:

Cornycabernet · 03/02/2013 13:04

they sound very rude

TomArchersSausage · 03/02/2013 13:05

'They also say gc are not very bright and clearly that is due to poor parenting and poor genes' They actually say that??

I wouldn't trouble myself to be visiting anyone who spoke to me like that and I can only imagine it'd be as much a relief to them as it would be to me if that's what they think. How awful for you.

DontmindifIdo · 03/02/2013 13:06

Stop visiting them. Doesn't sound like anyone gets anything out of it, they don't like you or your DCs, you get upset, your DS when older will just sat hearing how rubbish he is/his cousins are.

Original poster

RattyRoland · 03/02/2013 13:07

Tom, yes they do say that! They also blame bil for their gp having any medical conditions (such as special needs) as apparently he is very nice but not a good parent.

OP posts:

Bottleoffish · 03/02/2013 13:11

Why would you visit them and why on earth haven't you just told them to fuck off with their stupid comments about bad genes?!

Cornycabernet · 03/02/2013 13:12

I don't think they deserve to see their gc with those comments about sn - they sound awful.

chocoluvva · 03/02/2013 13:21

Are you my SIL posting from a years ago, Ratty?!

My MIL does this too - no such thing as SN in her day, they don't take her advice, they're doing it all wrong. As a result the gc have x fault or other. It's horrible.

She wouldn't like it if anyone else criticised any of them though.

Hopefully your own children will benefit from not being the first gc - when your baby is older and they see you parent in a similar way to your ILs they'll change their criticism to complaining about 'the new generation' in general. IYSWIM. Which is still tiresome, but not quite as bad.

mrsjay · 03/02/2013 13:23

Dont go and see them they sound awful poor genes bugger off ! why are yu seeing these people so often if they say all that rubbish

mrsjay · 03/02/2013 13:24

and I feel for your brother and sister in law id be telling them the same

Erimentha · 03/02/2013 15:25

My mother is like this with my children, DD1 has behaviour issues and DD2 is epileptic (but she has never seen her have a fit so we the paeds and neurologists must be making it up). I have perfected a blank stare, mmmmming, ignoring and not visiting to often or for too long.

OkayHazel · 03/02/2013 15:50

Tell them the bad genes are obviously their rudeness filtering through, having skipped a generation!

zzzzz · 03/02/2013 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OxfordBags · 03/02/2013 15:55

You should point out to them that if the children are naughty and so on due to faulty genes, then they themselves passed on plenty of those genes!

Seriously, why are you letting these awful people get away with this crap? The first time I heard someone say that about my child or any child would be the last time they bloody saw them, grandparents or not. They are not good for the children, not goodfor their parents and the only benefit is to them - the very people who don't deserve to benefit.

If they're saying this stuff in front of the actual children, then the older ones will be taking in these poisonous messages about themselves, v damaging.

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