Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to go to NCT meet up?

25 replies

MummytoMog · 02/02/2013 20:54

My NCT class is having a meet up for the first time in about six months. Last one was at mine - I cleaned the house for ages before, laid on a bit of a picnic spread (nothing special, but I did make an effort), and was really looking forward to it. Only two couples turned up, talked to each other not me and then suggested we went for a walk in the park after half an hour. It was muddy and horrible, DD had a total meltdown and everyone left after twenty minutes of her screaming and me trying to jolly her along. I went home and cried.

Their kids are the same age as DS, who was my second, and I've always felt a bit judged by them over her behaviour (mostly toddler stuff, but she is speech delayed and possibly ASD, but basically just a slightly stroppy three year old who doesn't talk much). One of them even asked if I thought she was autistic. We do not know each other well enough for this to be a question I'm prepared to discuss with them.

Anyway, it's at someone else's house this time, with the same two couples and one other and I just don't want to go. I feel bad for the other person, because it's their house and they've always been lovely, but I'm just so tense that DD will be stroppy, and she's not properly potty trained yet, which I'm sure they'll have an opinion on, and I know I'd just have a much nicer day if we all stayed at home. Don't even know why I bother keeping in touch, they just make me feel bad about myself.

Lordy, I sound pathetic.

OP posts:
skullcandy · 02/02/2013 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollyBerryBush · 02/02/2013 20:56

Why would you even contemplate it?

These peopel are not your friends - jsut randoms you met somewhere who have a child the same age. you have nothing in common with them.

Dont go

LimeLeafLizard · 02/02/2013 20:58

YANBU... of course don't go. Just politely decline / fake illness and don't bother keeping in touch.

SpringBulbs · 02/02/2013 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 02/02/2013 21:01

You don't sound pathetic Smile

They sound rude and thoughtless.

Could you go round and kind of phase them out, concentrating on the woman's whose house it is?

So what if they judge you? (which they might not be doing) If they do, they're not the friends for you.

Could you just keep in touch with the one(s?) you like? Do something away from the house so it doesn't look like you're excluding anyone from a meet up they'd expect to have been invited to?

dinkystinky · 02/02/2013 21:02

Don't go - they don't sound like who you really want/ need to hang bout with

Madeyemoodysmum · 02/02/2013 21:06

I would bin them, if you like this other lady why not text her and see if she wants to meet separately or go to a playgroup with you.
I understand as I went to an nct group with my 2nd child (a boy) Occasionally I took my high maintaniance toddler dd along if nursery was shut and I felt very judged by the mums with there pfbs. They have no idea what's coming lol!
She is now on the whole a good 6 year old but as a toddler she was a nightmare.

They will find out what having a toddler is like soon enough. In the meantime spend time with those who don't say inappropriate things about yr dd. cheeky Mares!

SpringBulbs · 02/02/2013 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummytoMog · 02/02/2013 21:08

I sense a diplomatic norovirus in our future Wink

Writing that out just made me realise how silly it is to let myself feel like this. I have enough friends I don't get to see much without taking time out to see people I really don't want to.

Thanks MN Blush

OP posts:
MummytoMog · 02/02/2013 21:10

Madeye - exactly that! A couple of times I even took DD to the CM rather than take her along to meet ups :(

OP posts:
aquashiv · 02/02/2013 21:16

Life is far too short to spend time with people who suck your life blood and make you feel sad.
Politely decline but ring her and organise to meet up on your own if you like her. Dont give the others a second thought, toddlers - there time will come.

mrsbunnylove · 02/02/2013 21:39

don't go. there's no reason to think you'd enjoy it. i wasn't involved in nct (though i met some) but daughter is and she's met some nice enough sorts.
really, don't put yourself through it. say no, and congratulate yourself for being sensible.

SarkyPants · 02/02/2013 21:42

I cut ties with our NCT group.
Not because of anything they did. Just because I realised that there were plenty of other people whose company I prefer who I don't have enough time to see.
It was quite liberating in a strange sort of way, realising that I could actively CHOOSE my friends :)

activatetherhythm · 02/02/2013 21:46

I felt my NCT group undermined my confidence in following my instincts with dc1. One other woman was criticised mercilessly by them. She is now my long-term friend and together we binned the others. Don't go.

LondonNinja · 02/02/2013 22:01

Don't go! These people aren't your friends. Spend time where you expect to be relaxed and happy, not stressed and judged.

FWIW, my NCT group were largely bloody awful - judgemental, rude, undermining and stupidly competitive. It was such a relief to bin them all (and meet some really lovely women through a postnatal class and another website aimed at parents!)

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 02/02/2013 22:08

Don't go!

I felt really liberated when I made the break from my group. I felt bad because some of them were lovely. But for me, the breaking point was a meal out when one mum behaved so badly that realised that, in any other setting, I would not give her, or many of the others, time of day.

The only thing you share with them is the date you had a baby. You owe them nothing. Smile

Herrena · 02/02/2013 22:28

I stay in touch with the members of my NCT group that I like and have little to no contact with the others. It seems to suit us all!

Stay in touch with the nice one - maybe text her and ask if she wants to meet up for a coffee or something :)

shesariver · 02/02/2013 22:31

I remember reading somewhere that you shouldn't think you have to be friends with someone just because they had unprotected sex at the same time as you. Very true!

GanglyGiraffe · 02/02/2013 22:35

Don't go!

Life's far too short to spend your time on people you don't like and that make you feel like shit.

Smile
pigletmania · 02/02/2013 22:45

Don't go sounds like you won't enjoy it

MummytoMog · 03/02/2013 18:28

Reader, I went. Felt too bad when the girl hosting sent a text :( anyway, most horrid person wasn't there, had a lovely time and someone else's child was far more trouble than mine :)

OP posts:
ShipwreckedAndComatose · 03/02/2013 18:30

Well, there you go!!

Don't listen to any of us Wink

So glad it paid off though. it's nice to reminded of the nice people in life

Aethelfleda · 03/02/2013 19:16

Hey, glad you enjoyed it! Sounds like the host lady is nice and worth keeping in touch with seperately. I've met lots of NCT people along the way and it's totally random, some are lovely, others have permanent judgy pants. Just like the rest of society!

Abitwobblynow · 03/02/2013 19:22

Awwww... I read your efforts with a complete twinge - no, pang - of sympathetic remembering Smile

and was going to advise you to 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.

So well done! And remember the awful one is also feeling awful, and probably chucking it out of herself. Her behaviour does not determine your worth, think of her w compassion. It is when people are being horrible, that they need you the most... (without taking any sh*, of course)

MummytoMog · 03/02/2013 20:29

I'd have felt awful if I hadn't gone, and it was really nice to see the nice ones :) have two hyperactive toddlers raising hell after all the cake though...

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page