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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No really, how do you make a point with a creme brulee?

40 replies

Illgetmegoat · 02/02/2013 19:59

Have just had hysterical weeping on the phone from SIL about my use of a creme brulee as a weapon of mass self-esteem destruction. I'm at a bit of a loss as to how we got from point A - dinner at ours last night, to point B - sobbing and snotty phonecall.
We were having our fairly regular dinner together - it's informal so I a really easy, low key meal.
Full menu was: The fishcakes I made yesterday but we didn't eat, cabbage with pine nuts and bacon (because DH is actually 5 and makes a feeble fuss about eating his veg which she knows and mocks him about), some random other veg I had that would have gone limp other wise, homemade chips - just a few as had some spuds that were going to walk out if I didn't hunt them down and even I can't eat 2 kinds of mash in one sitting. I'm not out for a Michelin star evidently, no fondant potatoes with a fresh sea foam served on hand carved clam shells here.

And...the demon creme brulee!!!! I don't get it. I was given a blow torch and have been itching to melt stuff with it, DH presented some gas at the weekend and we have had blow torched everything for dinner for days (because I too am actually 5 years old).

But she has accused me of making a meal I know she can't 'top' in order to make her look bad in front of BIL and everyone (what everyone? your brother and his wife?) because I wanted to make a fool out of her. If it wasn't bad enough to give them fishcakes fishcakes I had to make a creme brulee in case it wasn't obvious enough I was sticking the knife in and trying to make a point. She refused to spell it out for me or elaborate on what point I was making because I knew - I don't know.

AIBU to just let her get it out of her system and avoid until she gets over it? I keep getting told I know what I've done but have no clue. Things are fine between them (as far as I am ever aware of their inner machinations) and I didn't say anything weirder than usual or comment on the food at all apart from saying, verbatim, 'DH has confiscated the torch, I just set fire to the tea towel!' - I'm at a loss and DH has no clue. In all seriousness I don't want her to feel like that or that I'm doing things to undermine her, I thought we were mates and I trust her not to deliberately hurt my feelings, I am sad that she thought I would deliberately set out to make her feel bad. Any light that could be shed would help as most of me is feeling she's being a bit odd and I've missed something.

OP posts:
mirry2 · 02/02/2013 20:06

You've probably missed the fact that she has low self esteem, is fiercely competitive and secretly sees you as a threat. Do you live in a house beautiful, look beautiful, are you multi talented and successful in everything you do?

Maybe she has a bed case of pms or is secretly pregnant and it's making her emotional. OR maybe her dh is always comparing her to you?

mirry2 · 02/02/2013 20:06

sorry - bad NOT bed

twolittlemonkeys · 02/02/2013 20:08

YANBU I'd be Confused too. I'm guessing she feels sensitive/inadequate about lots of things and this isn't really about your creme brulee but she actually has much bigger issues going on. :( I know when I've been low with depression, the tiniest things can set me off. Don't know what to suggest. Maybe just ignore, try not to take the bait, and then in a week or two, act as though it never happened.

pointythings · 02/02/2013 20:11

The only way I can see anyone making a point with a Creme Brulee is if they're using a very pointy cone-shaped mould...

Your SIL has ishoos.

Mandy2003 · 02/02/2013 20:13

Sorry but as soon as I see the words I can't help thinking of this!

I'm sorry I can't offer any constructive advice because as an only child I don't/can't do families to the extent of inlaws. Hope someone can say something sensible soon.

Tryharder · 02/02/2013 20:13

I would imagine that your BIL - her DH - has said something along the lines of "why can't you (SIL) cook like that?" or another similar put down.

I am sure she will be embarrassed when she's had time to reflect.

DeckSwabber · 02/02/2013 20:13

Sometimes when you are upset it is hard to say what is really upsetting you. Call her in a few days, meet up for coffee, ask if she is ok?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 02/02/2013 20:14

Are you a bit kind of TAAA-DAHHHHHH with your food?

If so, irritating for guests; I kinda intuit from your OP however that you are quite self-deprecating and prob you ain't a TAAA-DAHHHHHH person. So no idea really what to say, apart from yairs, she prob has got other stuff going on.

Well that was helpful, wasn't it. Blush

ViviPru · 02/02/2013 20:14

OP I love your turn of Phrase. YANBU. What mirry said. Verbatim.

pashapasta · 02/02/2013 20:15

I was really perplexed about how you would make a pointed shape out of a creme brulee! SIL clearly has other ishoos.

pashapasta · 02/02/2013 20:15

I was really perplexed about how you would make a pointed shape out of a creme brulee! SIL clearly has other ishoos.

Arithmeticulous · 02/02/2013 20:15

It's not about the creme brulee. HTH.

DoItToJulia · 02/02/2013 20:17

You sound very chilled about it!

How weird indeedey. YANBU, she is, but I like your idea of letting her get it out of her system and ignore till its all blown over.

Of course, you will have to think very carefully about what to serve next time....croquembouche anyone? Queen of puddings?

deste · 02/02/2013 20:19

She could do what I did yesterday. I went to the Nick Nairn cookery school and learned how to make Thai fish cakes. The only thing is I won't be making them again, they were really lovely but a bit of a faff.

tigerdriverII · 02/02/2013 20:19

Is she your brother's wife, or your husband's sister ( or even more remote, eg your husband's brother's wife, who is your DH's SIL, not yours)?

I'm afraid I would just block her number and not engage. Life is too short for tedious conversations like the one you had today. Of course you didn't do anything wrong re the crime brûlée !

Doilooklikeatourist · 02/02/2013 20:21

She's mad with you . It's her problem , not yours , I'd ignore her , let her get over her tiff and just carry on as normal .

I love creme brûlée .

I want a blow torch , if I had one I'd brûlée everything in sight .

maddening · 02/02/2013 20:22

I would send her a text saying that you and dh love her as a sis/sil and would never do anything to hurt her, that you are sad and perplexed that she would feel this way and is there anyway we could have a coffee and get over it.

Do not offer cake unless it is shop bought.

She is unreasonable - all you can do is let her know it wasn't meant that way in the slightest and you want to be friends.

Can db give her a bell and chat bro to sis

Sugarice · 02/02/2013 20:25

She's clearly very insecure about her cooking skills and you've produced a fab meal from scratch which she didn't expect.

Let her stew, she's a wimp, not your problem!!

DontmindifIdo · 02/02/2013 20:25

it's not about the creme brulee- she's feeling a bit crap about herself and is comparing herself to you, and then you go and serve creme brulee that she can't do and she feels even crapper, but that's not something you've done to her, it's something she's done to herself.

tigerdriverII · 02/02/2013 20:30

Crime brûlée FFS. Is that the same as a pot boiler?

Illgetmegoat · 02/02/2013 20:42

Do you live in a house beautiful, look beautiful, are you multi talented and successful in everything you do?

Hahahahaha ahhh...no Sad

I'm not really TAADAHHH either - I'm more 'oh shit, nah it's fine just scoop it up off the..no look it's only a bit squashed, I'll have that one' type of person.

SIL in this case is my husband's sister. So I'm not able to draw on any past sisterly stuff iyswim (apart from the 10 years of us being generally quite good friends).

Loved that link, made me snort - oh how I wish I'd done that instead now.

I would imagine that your BIL - her DH - has said something along the lines of "why can't you (SIL) cook like that?" or another similar put down.
I really hope he hasn't...he's not normally a twat but now I'm a bit worried he's been an arse for some reason.

Thanks for thoughts - I got distracted by the Nick Nairn fishcakes but then got back on track - I hope I can find out what is really going on, it's a bit of a puzzler, she normally enjoys dissecting every single thing that's wrong for at least 2 hours.

Coffee and a store bought cake it is. Maybe a text in a couple of days if she'll speak to me. She won't speak to DH either but will ask him to give her a call.

OP posts:
Peevish · 02/02/2013 20:46

Lord, you are being very nice about this maddening woman. I have zero patience with the school of passive-aggressive weepery that involves sobbing 'You KNOW what you've done' without specifying, leaving the 'offender' totally mystified and wondering what they can possibly have done that was so hurtful.

However, she clearly isn't going to believe you as you protest that your creme brulee wasn't intended to undermine her (!), so either ignore till she calms down and apologises, or blow torch her fringe and give her something to be offended about.

Illgetmegoat · 02/02/2013 20:47

Crime brûlée FFS. Is that the same as a pot boiler?

No idea, what's a pot boiler? possibly? Cream pudding with melty sugar on top aka burnt cream. This: creme brulee
Now, I've shown you mine, gis a look at yours!

OP posts:
pipsytwos · 02/02/2013 20:50

God you, lording it over her with your fancy creme brûlée! Grin That idea made me giggle.

It does seen something is going a bit haywire there, hopefully you'll find out soon. Maybe next time go to the chippy Wink

DeckSwabber · 02/02/2013 20:54

For those without a blowtorch, a grill works just fine