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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

as you get older you become less tolerant.

23 replies

CuriousMama · 02/02/2013 19:34

Of people who aren't nice?

I find myself distancing those who annoy me, mostly for being two faced and bitchy. Years ago I would have just put up with it.

I'm not perfect at all and am sure know there are those who avoid me. I'm talkative and extrovert, not everyone's cup of tea. But I have a good group of friends who I get on well with. And a handful of very special friends.

But it's the ones you come across in groups, WI, church, classes and workshops. Work situations. I just find the bitchiness unbearable. They act like they're at school.

The worst are at church, call themselves spiritual! Hmm They were doing it the other night, all heads together after someone walked away. A really nice lady who does a lot for the church too. She's really helpful, and I've never heard her say anything bad about anyone. I asked them what they were saying and they starting muttering about her. I cut them straight down. Said she's great, I like her and at least she helps. I couldn't give a flying fig if they never speak to me again tbh. I shouldn't have asked I know nosey cow but I suspected what they were up to.

Am finding I don't want to go to the church now. Which is a shame as some of them are lovely.

Maybe I'm turning into a grumpy old woman? Confused

I have lots of tolerance for dcs though. It's just adults.

I'm probably being UR and should just ignore them but I find it so difficult.

OP posts:
manicbmc · 02/02/2013 19:35

Good for you. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

I have a definite lower tolerance for that kind of utter crap these days.

Original poster
CuriousMama · 02/02/2013 19:39

Glad it isn't just me.

OP posts:
herladyship · 02/02/2013 19:42

YANBU

I don't think it's always about being less tolerant, sometimes it has more to do with becoming more confident to challenge the status quo & not 'put up & shut up' to avoid upsetting people

(am 36 btw, and this has suddenly happened to me!)

ElectricSoftParade · 02/02/2013 19:43

YANBU at all. In fact, it was my resolution for this year not to tolerate such daftness.

As you said above, there are people who don't like me or whatever but I am aiming to maintain a polite manner. If people care to bitch that's up to them but I will not join in. I am far too old to be doing it and, well, I just won't. So there!

IAmLouisWalsh · 02/02/2013 19:43

I am less tolerant full stop. I am 40. Fuck knows what I will be like in ten years time.....

MammaTJ · 02/02/2013 19:45

I agree with what herladyship says. You become more confident and able to speak out.

However, I am more intolerant of nastiness, but more tolerant and understanding in general. I think as I age, I am able to understand both sides of an argument, so am more tolerant of people in general.

CabbageLooking · 02/02/2013 19:45

I am becoming much less tolerant of mindless cruelty; there's a surprising amount out there that I'd barely noticed before I had a child. I've come to the conclusion that most people are lovely but sometimes they do less than lovely things.

EuroShagmore · 02/02/2013 20:09

I'm also becoming less tolerant with age. I plan to be really intolerant and cantankerous by the time I am 60. Grin

BarredfromhavingStella · 02/02/2013 20:32

I've become way less tolerant & more can't be arsed, this is not good as I've never been that tolerant in the 1st place...

Tee2072 · 02/02/2013 20:35

Definitely with you on this. I also have no tolerance for people who don't respect my time or treat me poorly in general.

Life is short and getting shorter. Grin

Original poster
CuriousMama · 02/02/2013 20:40

I'm 44.

My parents always had weird friends. DF isn't alive now but DM still has weird friends. I think weird and not so nice became the norm. So I put up with more than most would. I've always been rather blunt and outspoken even when younger but let a lot go over my head.

Now I don't put up with it, and much less.

I'm not judgemental though. It's mainly bitchiness and in particular this cliquishness. I do like extroverts - wonder why? Wink

OP posts:
noUggscuse · 02/02/2013 21:03

YANBU. I find myself thinking the exact same way. Don't let it put you off going to mass though. That is rather unreasonable.

TiggyD · 02/02/2013 21:09

I'm too young to give an informed opinion on this. Well done to the more elderly posters who have though.

Chottie · 02/02/2013 21:14

Yep, I think you are right. My thinking now is that I have less years ahead than behind me Smile, I have to deal with lots of people at work I am not that keen on, so when I can choose, I do Wink

BarredfromhavingStella · 02/02/2013 21:17

Tiggy elderly???-she said as you get older, no mention of elderly-i'm 34 so hardly ancient Hmm

ElectricSoftParade · 02/02/2013 21:21

While not quite elderly, I am getting on (44). I have bitched and whined about people in the past but, as I said above, I have made an effort not to do this and also not be with people who do it. I think my aim is to be a kinder person than I have been.

I hope I am able to do it. Smile

Boomerwang · 02/02/2013 21:25

When you're growing up you're still new to a lot of things and might find other people's personalities and behaviour fascinating. Also you're quite gullible.

As you get older you wise up to this kind of stuff and find that suddenly you just don't have time to pander any more.

MyCannyBairn · 02/02/2013 22:08

Me too, and I'm especially intolerant about people of my own age ( 40s ) who give a shit about stuff you shouldn't give a shit about, or who are egotistical, or competitive, or just plain twats. Grow up you plonkers, times a running out.

BackforGood · 02/02/2013 22:20

I think the opposite.
When I was 20 I thought everything was black or white / right or wrong. As life has moved on I realise there's a lot inbetween, and often a lot of things going on that other people need not know anything about. I'm a lot more tolerant, or understanding than I was 20 - 30 yrs ago.

ElectricSoftParade · 02/02/2013 22:22

MyCannyBairn My dad used to call me that :)

What you've just said has really struck a chord. My mam, dad, sis and brother are all gone and I feel like I am on borrowed time. Perhaps silly but it has been playing on my mind. None of us have endless time and it is much better to be kind than comparing/moaning/complaining/bitching etc. Sorry, first bottle of wine since December and I am not tpoo coherent.

ElectricSoftParade · 02/02/2013 22:23

Too. Not very good at typing atm Blush

Original poster
CuriousMama · 03/02/2013 01:07

Sorry to hear that ElectricSP. Hope you enjoyed your bottle of wine and you did excellently with the typing Wink

I don't go to Mass, used to though. Am a spiritualist so am very woo Grin

OP posts:
maninawomansworld · 04/02/2013 10:09

Nope, you're right. I think it comes with being comfortable with yourself and who you are. When you're younger you feel you want to fit in (look at the kids - they'll do almost ANYTHING to fit in with their peers - even if it goes fundamentally against their true values / likes / dislikes).
When you get older you think more along the lines of 'sod you, I'm right and I know I am. I don't care if you dislike me because I'm happy with myself, what I've achieved in life and I'm secure in my own skin.' Your names / bitchiness / general crap can't touch me.'

I am a GRUMPY old man and I love it ... and I'm not even that old.

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