to think my ex is an absolute fucking bastard of the first order

[11Plustrauma]

DD got her 11plus results today. She did really very well for her, put in a load of effort, and will get in to a grammar school. Just not the one he wants.

He said, in front of her, "Shit. I'm disappointed".

She has howled all day and it will take a great deal to pick her up again.

He is a bastard, yes or no?

[NOTE FROM MNHQ: Although we're sure it was meant as a joke, we have edited the thread title and OP to remove some beyond-the-pale violent imagery. Some subsequent posts making reference to the same imagery have also been deleted.]

[intravenouscoffee]

In years to come your fantastic DD will look back on this day and realise that her father behaved in the most appaulling way. She will also remember that you DIDN'T. Sadly she's probably learned a very valuable lesson about her dad today.

But she's also learned that her mum is firmly in her corner and will never feel 'disappointed' in her. I think the Fathers Day card is a cracking idea.

Fruit shoots and strawberry laces can be forgiven in such severe circumstances although it might be a MN first

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Strawberry bootlaces = one of your five-a-day, surely?

Congratulations to your dd, and your ex is an arse.

[80sMum]

What an insensitive, thoughtless comment from your ex! I can see why you are so angry about it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your dd will do very well at her next school. She's obviously very bright and she has a caring and supportive mother by her side.

[Plomino]

What an arsehole . She's done brilliantly , as have you to be so supportive .

The ONLY person who has any right to be disappointed , should be your DD , for having such an unsupportive , self centred , mindless , thoughtless fuckwit if a father .

[WMDinthekitchen]

11 - email the school before Monday to thank DD's teachers for helping her get a place at XX school. On Monday morning, have DD take in a very large box of chocolates for the staff and make it clear on the large label that is attached that you and DD are so grateful that she will be attending XX school. Make sure you name the school as often as possible. If ex wants a meeting make him arrange it himself and attend on his own so he can see the on the head's face. Don't facilitate his twuntery.

Well done DD!

[Andthentherewere5]

You sound like a fantastic supportive Mum - good job too, to make up for the shite job her dad is doing. My ex-H told my DD she was an "anti-social moron" about 2 years ago. She was only 9 at the time and still remembers it.
Unfortunatly he hasnt got any better and has on a number of occasions called her a nerd, geek, goth, emo (sp?). I actually think he thinks he is being funny but it has got under her skin and caused real upset. I offered to have a word with him but she kept wanting to just leave it. I can understand how you feel as ripping his balls off felt like a totally reasonable action!
Well at new year he did it again but this time she has let me have a word with him. As I suspected he didn't get it at all, just smiled and said "oh its nothing". I managed to tell him that It's not nothing you moron, you are damaging her self esteen and making her love you less and less. Not sure if it got through, just have to know that she is the very centre of my world and try not to say vile things about him in front of her!

[11Plustrauma]

You have all just now made me cry. In a thank god I have MN way.

Normally, the ex is a bit of a pain, but manageable but he has a blind spot when it comes to academic stuff. He thinks it is the be all and end all and it really isn't. I know it sounds trite but there are many many worse things than not quite hitting the top in an exam you sat when you were 10. And he translates me saying there's many more things to life than exams as I don't care how they do and I do care, I just see so many worse things that could be than an exam result.

[11Plustrauma]

that last post of mine so did not make sense.

[11Plustrauma]

WMD - that's a fantastic idea. Spike his guns.

[StitchAteMySleep]

Your poor dd :( He is an insensitive, selfish twat!

At least she has you to give her a different opinion and bolster her self esteem. So sad she felt that she let you down, that would make me sooo

My dad did similar when I got a 2:1 in my degree and all he could say was "is that all?", balled my eyes out on the night I should have been celebrating and got very drunk. At least I was old enough to phone him up the next day and tell him how much he had hurt me and bollock him for it.

[11Plustrauma]

I am so sad and angry that there are so many parents who do similar to their kids.

[ReindeerBollocks]

Be reassured that all of the children on this thread with twattish dads have fantastic supportive mums

[PomBearWithAnOFRS]

"It doesn't change how much I love her or what I feel for her just because of an exam. And it honestly wouldn't matter if she got 5% or 55% or 105% because I know she did her best, and no one can do any more than that."

This ^^ She has done brilliantly, and excelled and worked hard, and put in all that effort, and just because her Dad is an arse doesn't make it any less of an achievement for her. Tell her PomBear the weird woman from MN is VERY proud of her and is cheering wildly for her and wishes her well, and she is a STAR

[GreatUncleEddie]

He's a twat. Obviously. Don't send chocolates into school though. Think of the kids that didn't pass.

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Wow he's a real bastard!

[11Plustrauma]

I am actually about to cry.

[transferworry]

What an absolute wanker tosshead arsehole, OP. Thank fuck you had the sense to leave him and he doesn't live with your dd, giving her poison like that all the time. She got into a good grammar school and he's mithering because she didn't get the one he wanted? Fuck that.

Sounds like you've got a bright girl with good sense. I can only assume she got it from your side of the family. Have a , my dear - and if there was a big ice-cream emoticon I'd give one to your dd. Here are some congratulatory for her :)

[transferworry]

Meant to say - as you can see from my posting name, I'm also an 11+ mummy today. My dd also got a good score despite a big knock to her confidence earlier this year. It's a hell of a process and I wish there was a better one, but it's all done now. All the best to your dd in her great new school :)

[MyCannyBairn]

I would have bollocked him by text. What an absolute wanker.
You, on the other hand, are lovely.

[Enfyshedd]

Congratulations to your DD OP.

Your ex is an arse of the first order - just like my father. I haven't spoken to him in nearly 12 years. When I got my GCSE results, his reaction when he picked me up from the school was "You could have done better" (possibly true, but he also didn't know that I knew that my DM had been having an affair and had been planning to leave him for 6 months before my exams). My results also (just) put me in the top 25% of my year. The first person to congratulate me on my results was my maths teacher who came over when he saw me. After my DM's work mates found out about my "D"F's reaction, they clubbed together before lunch and bought a card and a box of chocs to congratulate me in front of him when we went to collect DM from work that afternoon - they wanted to humiliate him.

Considering all the other shit that went on over the years, that's the only thing which still makes my blood boil. In all other respects, he may as well just have been a sperm donor for what I feel for him.

[Illgetmegoat]

Illget - I have said to him before that he needs to stop putting his dreams on to the children, that they have to live their own lives and find what they want to do for themselves. He thinks that means I don't care.

He thinks he can continue with his bollocks by making out , loudly, as if you don't care and trying to firmly push his percieved 'blame' on to you. Desperately trying to justify why he is right and you are wrong, wrong, wrong. If he is willing to jeopardise his relationship with his daughter over a grammar school then he is short sighted and pathetic. Did he perform well beyond expectation? Or is he an average shmuck that dislikes this fact and wants to pick his self esteem up through your DC? because of course that will be down to his parenting and nothing to do with the hours of help nda support you put. If I read rightly, this is important to him but he actually only turned up with his opinion after the fact? Didn't sit there and encourage, support and help her like you did?

He is a cunt

[Illgetmegoat]

Gah sorry angry typing!

[Mimishimi]

That's horrid. If he mentions it again, tell your daughter to ask him for private tutoring so she can ace her A-levels. If he contributed nothing of his time or funds,he has no right to be disappointed. My DD got into the second top selective school in the state here in Australia which we've just come back from Hong Kong for (so top 300 students out of 30,000). Months before the exam last year, she got intensive tutoring from her dad via Skype for Maths and from me for English and French. Nearly every single one of her classmates, all bright children, received private tutoring. It's simply not enough to think ' my child is brainy' and do nothing. Your ex is an idiot and his choice of language speaks volumes abut him and his probable academic inclinations. Even though she did not get her school of first choice, we are immensely proud of our daughter and she will be getting private tutoring for her high school subjects now that she has proved herself. Your daughter should also be proud of herself.

[FayeKorgasm]

OP you are a fabulous mum and your x is the most revolting of men who doesn't deserve a lovely DD.

My father was similar in many ways to your x (though he has accepted now he was wrong) but my mother didn't stand up for me at all. I had a rotten childhood, I'm so glad your wonderful DD has you.