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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think fast relationships rarely work?

49 replies

DollOnAMusicBox1 · 02/02/2013 14:45

My younger sister is now 27 and has been single for years. I'm not sure why tbh, she's a very confident person and pretty, although she can be quite harsh with her words sometimes and doesn't seem to think about the repercussions.

Anyway she met a man 2 weeks ago and they are already in a relationship on facebook, talking about how they are so happy and so much in love and literally listing every single thing they do together - "right now he's giving me a foot massage" etc.

He even dedicated a song to both his mum and her in a facebook post saying how much this song describes how he is feeling and how he cannot remember a time he was this happy.

It's all very sweet and I'm very happy for her ... but it seems to be moving at an alarming rate and I'm worried that the honeymoon phase and lust is so intense from both parties now that it might fizzle out fast or it might suddenly become so boring.

I haven't met him yet and wouldn't give my opinion on their relationship anyway. I'm just worried that they are making a big mistake by moving too fast and it's my sister that will be the one who ends up getting hurt.

OP posts:

JugglingFromHereToThere · 02/02/2013 15:18

From what I've read about abusive men there can be a tendency for them to over commit emotionally and in terms of what they promise to the girl at a very early stage in the relationship. I don't quite know the reasoning behind this ?
So I think it's always good to be concerned for your sister, and maybe you can just reassure yourself that that's not the case here, and he is a nice bloke and treating her well ?

On the other hand I'm sure some really good relationships click really quickly for both partners. Could be good !

spiffysquiffyspiggy · 02/02/2013 15:19

Went home with him on the Friday, left on the Sunday night. Went back on the Wednesday and never left. 10 years and 3 children down the line. We did only get round to getting married just over a year ago though.

birdofthenorth · 02/02/2013 15:20

I was just as cynical when my friend's marriage ended this time last year and she was seeing someone else within a week and essentially living together within a month. But they are still very happy, and hopefully will be for some time.

I'm sure there are many examples of lightening fast relationships not working too, but there's not much you can do but support her come what may.

Fwiw I do find Facebook narratives about new loves icky though. The occasional dash of sentiment is fine, but constant over-sharing makes my skin crawl a bit- just enjoy it with out feeling the need to tweet it!

MummytoMog · 02/02/2013 15:21

DH and I got engaged after four months. We had our tenth wedding anniversary last summer.

YouOldSlag · 02/02/2013 15:25

Met DH and was pregnant, engaged and living together within 3 months. We have been happily married for seven years now.

Fast CAN work, but I do agree that putting a foot massage on FB is yuck!

redbobblehat · 02/02/2013 15:34

perhaps katie price should comment on this

Startail · 02/02/2013 15:44

I'm sitting on the sofa with DHs feet snuggling me.

We knew from our first 'date' which lasted about 3 days. that we would get married.

25 years later we haven't changed our minds.

WhatsTheBuzz · 02/02/2013 15:46

anyway, don't most relationships fall apart regardless, according to statistics?

PuzzleRocks · 02/02/2013 15:49

We moved in together after 4 months, married after 6 months and 1 week later found out I was pregnant. Have been married almost 7 years now and every day is better than the last.

Groovee · 02/02/2013 15:50

It will be 16 years in March since dh and I met and knew we were for each other. We're still happy with 2 children and lots of love.

FaffTastic · 02/02/2013 15:53

You'll never be able to predict how this will turn out. It's a classic 'red flag' if a man tries to move a relationship very quickly and is professing undying love before even knowing that much about a person. However, there are also many successful happy long term relationships that started off very quickly - as many posters on this thread will testify to.

kiwigirl42 · 02/02/2013 15:54

I knew first date, when we talked all night, even before sleeping with him. that was 18 yrs ago.

PuzzleRocks · 02/02/2013 15:55

Yes quite agree with fafftastic re red flags. DH tried to be aloof, he just couldn't manage it .

McNewPants2013 · 02/02/2013 16:00

Moved in with DH after 4 months, been in a relationship for 9 years married almost 2 years.

FaffTastic · 02/02/2013 16:03

Oh, just read this post of yours OP. Based on the below I would be concerned as he seems to make a habit of falling in love very quickly. Any idea on why his recent engagement and previous marriage broke up?

He got his divorce in July, broke up with the next girl he was engaged to in November

Sorry should have put this in OP

Original poster

DollOnAMusicBox1 · 02/02/2013 16:14

Yes sorry I should have clearly mentioned it in the OP.

I think his marriage ended because both of them drank too much, and he felt that she would only be concerned about her problems and not his. I was also told that they moved in quickly after meeting too.

The other girl, she was American and only can over here over the summer and obviously moved back in October and so I assume it was long distance that killed that relationship.

OP posts:

SeeYouSoon · 02/02/2013 21:42

Based in the rest of what you say though I would be worried too.

Beaverfeaver · 02/02/2013 22:23

I wouldn't be worried about it ring very fast, I would be worries about how public everything is wing made on Facebook.

To me that only happens when someone is trying to show off, or try to make someone jealous.

The odd comment here and there is one, but you say it's constant updates.

If they were so busy in love then why take time out to post about it?

Permanentlyexhausted · 02/02/2013 22:27

DH moved in with me after 10 days. That was 15 years ago. We just knew.

Velve · 02/02/2013 22:38

I would agree with you on the "rarely" part, but it does happen. Happened with me and OH. We were one of those disgusting couples who fell in love immediately and practically lived together after a week.
Mostly, though, I've seen these relationships fail. The thing is no one can really judge on how it will end up and if everyone around the couple air their negative thoughts on that relationship then they can put pressure on it to fail.

GlitteryShitandDanglyBaubles · 02/02/2013 23:45

That's not her foot he's massaging, OP.

I met dh on a blind date, moved in with him after 3 weeks, got married 2 years later, 10 years on and 2dc together, still can't get the fucker to massage me feet.

qazxc · 02/02/2013 23:56

i met DP and moved him in within 2 weeks, we have been together 3 years and are still very happy. sometimes you just click. before that i had been single or in casual relationships for 10years, so i wasn't just pouncing on him because i felt i needed a man.
she's not a lovestruck teenager, she's 27 and confident. so i'd trust her judgement and leave her to it.

WoundByAKey · 03/02/2013 00:10

Wow these sound like warning signs tbh, to go from being single for a while to a relationship that intense??

And he proposed to another woman since his divorce in July and is now in love with your sister??

I know all these people are saying they met and moved in within days/weeks (which is great for you guys) but the relationship you're talking about seems a it might crash and burn.

I also agree with Velve about the rarely part.

tigerdriverII · 03/02/2013 00:17

Met 30 years ago, 1 week before my marriage to XH. Known since then that we should be together. Been together officially for 20 years, have a DS. Married for 15 years. It was instant.

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