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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have expected some sort of response?

15 replies

Jinsei · 01/02/2013 23:54

I might be BU, I would genuinely like to know. Perhaps my expectations are unrealistic.

I was contacted in the new year by an old friend who I haven't seen for a few years. We used to be very close but she moved away and we gradually lost touch. I contacted her about 18 months ago just to say hi, and we exchanged a few e-mails.

Then early this year, I received a wedding invitation from her. Wonderful surprise, I was really excited, and thrilled at the prospect of helping her celebrate her big day. Then I realised that, because of the timing, there was a 50:50 chance that I would be overseas that weekend. Was gutted to think I might miss it, and considered accepting and then pulling out at the last minute if I couldn't make it, but I realised that this wouldn't be fair to my friend as she would need to know numbers for catering etc. I therefore decided to buy a nice gift from the wedding list, while acknowledging that I probably wouldn't make it to the wedding.

I wrote what I thought was a really nice e-mail, telling her how grateful I was for the invitation and how much I'd love to be there. I then went on to explain the uncertainty of my situation, and said that I would have to decline because I assumed that she needed a definite response either way asap.

I had expected to hear something back from her, even if it was just a quick "sorry you can't make it", but I have heard nothing. I replied 3 weeks ago tomorrow. I am now left wondering if she actually even got the message, but I don't want to hassle her by asking. Do you think I might have offended her in some way? Confused I simply can't imagine not responding to the type of email I sent. :(

OP posts:
LouMae · 02/02/2013 00:30

I'd text her, emails can be unreliable, spam filters, hacked accounts etc.

manicbmc · 02/02/2013 00:30

She might have many many emails to do with the wedding and yours might have slipped through the net, so to speak.

Why not just send her a nice catch up email, reiterating how sorry you are that you can't make it?

quoteunquote · 02/02/2013 00:38

Just check it will of either slipped through the net or be on her to do list, see if you can meet before her big day and ask to hear all her news.

constantnamechanger · 02/02/2013 00:40

I think you should ring her, its so impersonal text and email.

AgentZigzag · 02/02/2013 00:48

Even without the wedding bit, I can be terrible for replying to emails.

She could be busy with the wedding, but like you say, it wouldn't take long to tap out a 'sorry to hear about that' email.

But maybe if you're friends who don't see each other that often, she could feel that wouldn't be enough and you'd think she was being a bit off if she didn't do a more chatty email?

It's plausible to think you could have been writing the OP from the angle of 'My friend gave me a short snippy reply to me saying I might not be able to go to her wedding, have I offended her?' if she had.

And it's if I'm not sure what to write that makes me put it off/put it off until I know I've been rude with the length of time it's taken me to reply, which makes me put off thinking about it all the more Grin

I wouldn't think too much of it, just drop her a text or something to ask whether it got through?

Original poster
Jinsei · 02/02/2013 00:49

I can't ring or text - I don't have a current phone number. No postal address either.

Maybe I should email again to check. She may have loads of messages to reply to, or she could just be busy at work. I just feel a bit awkward about checking directly as I don't want to nag. Above all, I think I'm just gutted that I can't go. :(

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 02/02/2013 00:50

Could you be a bit of a stalker and get her number from someone else on fb or something?

manicbmc · 02/02/2013 00:51

Email then. Ask for a phone number so you can keep in touch and suggest meeting up at a later date to look at all her photos?

Original poster
Jinsei · 02/02/2013 00:52

X post with agent. You're probably right, she could just be procrastinating about her response. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Jinsei · 02/02/2013 00:58

Not sure if she is on FB, and have lost touch with other friends who might know. Another reason I'd love to have gone to the wedding. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Jinsei · 02/02/2013 00:58

Yes, perhaps I could email and ask for her address or something. For the present. Good idea.

Unfortunately she lives quite a long way away, so meeting her would require some planning. But I could definitely suggest it. I don't want her to think I just couldn't be bothered to show up.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 02/02/2013 01:05

Well get yourself on fb and kill two birds with one stone.

You can catch up with your other friends at the same time as hunting her down her number.

Yes, I'm not with other things, but I'm definitely an email procrastinator. I used to love writing letters as well, must be me being lazy something about the email format.

carabos · 02/02/2013 09:07

You've received a wedding invitation to which the only means of reply is email? Hmm

HKat · 02/02/2013 10:13

Hmmm. I would probably forward the original email again, but with another comment - so not 'did you get my email' but more 'oh and we really must meet up soon/oh and let me know your number so we can stay in touch would love to speak to you whenever is good for you/here's my number if you want to catch up' (obviously one of the above not all three). That way she will see your original email in case she's missed it as others mentioned above, but won't look like your hassling her?

Original poster
Jinsei · 02/02/2013 10:20

Yes carabos, I also received the invitation by email, presumably because that's all she had.

Good idea to forward the message with another one. Maybe I'll try that. Thanks all for the responses.

OP posts:
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