Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

In not letting my 15yr old son have his girlfriend to stay over

44 replies

willybreeder · 01/02/2013 20:27

So I have never met my older sons girlfriend who he's been seeing for around 3 months, they live an hours drive away.
He asked this evening if she could come and stay over on Saturday night knowing that we've been invited out but have turned it down due to not having a babysitter (didn't ask him as we were thinking he'd have his own plans and we were too late to ask anyone else). Now he's offered for them both to stay in and babysit and she would need to stay over.
I felt uncomfortable about this but I'm sure its because I haven't even met her, and obviously they'd be likely to get up to plenty when we were out.
Now he's said that she should/would sleep in his room! I'm freaked out by this AIBU?
I know the legal age of consent but I also know if they are both the same age its not inforced (?). I've said that I'm uncomfortable knowing they'll be having nookie and he said they won't be (!). He said she's asked her dad and stepmum and he's going to call me. . .

OP posts:

Pandemoniaa · 02/02/2013 13:04

Not at 15, no. I was very liberal about steady girlfriends staying over but I wasn't prepared to condone under-age teenagers having sex in my house. I realise that this wasn't going to stop them doing the deed but there's a difference between knowing and encouraging.

LadyHullyEyes · 02/02/2013 13:06

Ds17 had his girlfriend stay over last week, he stayed at hers the week before.
She's not 16 till February, but I trust them both.
If they'd got up to anything I'd know, it's a very small house.
Anyway, if they were going to have sex they have other opportunities.

mrsjay · 02/02/2013 13:15

yanbu he is 15 and trying to tell you what to do he is 15 I dont care if 15 yr olds want to have sex (well i do) but they cant be dictating who stays over and where they sleep, you did the right thing imo

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 02/02/2013 13:17

Lady I think that is awful. She is underage, and if her parents suddenly had a change of heart then they could make a real shitstorm for your son.

Of course they were shagging it is perfectly possible to do it and make no noise what so ever.

OP I completely agree with you, no way.

2blessed2bstressed · 02/02/2013 13:20

Dsd is 15 and her bf is 17. He lives about 15 miles away. He's stayed here once, and slept on the sofa in the kitchen. Dsd was upstairs sharing a room, and they would have had to sneak past our room and manage to keep the dogs silent before they could have got up to any nonsense!
I am as certain as I can be that they are sleeping together, and her mum doesn't seem bothered about it, but there is no way I will be condoning, or facilitating it happening. I'm probably very old fashioned and out of touch, but I just don't think it's a good thing, and I wish people would take the fact that its illegal more seriously.
I think just the fact that you've never met her is enough of a reason to say she can't stay this time, to be honest.

LadyHullyEyes · 02/02/2013 13:22

Nope, they weren't shagging Ali.
We've had the talk, he knows she's under age, he's already said that they're going to wait.
I trust him completely, he's very sensible and respects her.

mrsjay · 02/02/2013 13:29

I dont think it is the sleeping over Id be worried about OP it is your sons making up his mind what is happening that would get on my wick,you don't know the girl and he expects you to be ok with it,

Locketjuice · 02/02/2013 13:36

I would let him.. At least he has been honest and not sneaked her in once you left...

Locketjuice · 02/02/2013 13:38

And it doesn't have to be night time and a bed available to have sex...

LadyHullyEyes · 02/02/2013 13:45

Exactly Locket, unless you chaperone them 24/7 when they're out together.

Pandemoniaa · 02/02/2013 13:48

I'm quite happy to admit to a touch of hypocrisy here. I know that ds2 and his girlfriend were having sex shortly before their 16th birthdays (thanks ds1 who thought it was "responsible" to tell me and didn't let on out of jealousy. Ahem!) but equally, I felt that unless her parents were comfortable with the idea, and I know they weren't, it wasn't for me to override their concerns by encouraging them by offering overnight bed sharing accommodation.

Locketjuice · 02/02/2013 14:19

Lady, I don't think your awful I would hope my son says to me yes I am having sex, i dont need to know where if its in your house so be it least they arent getting cold in the woods rather than no mummy dearest would your blue eyed boy do such a thing and catch something or get someone pregnant that he didn't want to!

mrsbunnylove · 02/02/2013 15:10

And it doesn't have to be night time and a bed available to have sex...
it doesn't! what is the world coming to?

JenaiMorris · 02/02/2013 15:34

I'd have let her stay, in the spare room our on the sofa.

Each to their own I guess.

jellybeans · 02/02/2013 15:34

I wouldn't let DD (16) have her bf to stay because we have younger kids in the house, she is still at school and I don't want to encourage it. If he was well known to us and she had left school then maybe we would. Unlikely though for a while yet. I was allowed boys to stay over when I was 16/17 but I had my own room and was the youngest child. My parents said they weren't sure if it was the right thing looking back but they were relieved I was with a new boyf after a violent one so they let me.

Groovee · 02/02/2013 17:41

Dh was the only boyfriend I was allowed to have sleepover. There is no way dd/ds would be allowed a new boy/girlfriend to stay over in their rooms either at 15. They could sleep on the sofa while their friend sleeps in their smelly room

usualsuspect · 02/02/2013 17:43

I'd let her stay.

TheCatIsEatingIt · 02/02/2013 17:55

I'd let her stay on the sofa/spare room (if DS is a gentleman, he'll take the sofa and let her have his bed) IF he gives you a contact number for her parents and they're OK with her staying.
An evening babysitting, I wouldn't have a problem with. They're likely to do things you'd rather they didn't, but it's better than them doing it in the park -like I did-

TheCatIsEatingIt · 02/02/2013 17:56

Oops, strikethrough fail!

Flip

1 2