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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to think you don't magically grown out of sn

22 replies

DannyBlue · 01/02/2013 10:25

yet if you look at threads on here and in rl.
people only seem to want to do stuff for children.
but the reality that once your child is 18 they will be an adult.

OP posts:

devientenigma · 01/02/2013 10:29

and still have the same disabilities!!

nefertarii · 01/02/2013 10:29

I don't understand your post

but In answer to the title, no you don't. Hth

Flobbadobs · 01/02/2013 10:33

Do you mean the support disappears when the child gets to 18? Hope I read it right, if I did then YANBU.

devientenigma · 01/02/2013 10:35

mines 12 and the support hasn't even started (disabled from birth)

Original poster

DannyBlue · 01/02/2013 10:38

sorry a thread made me angry and ranty. could have been clearer.
yes support stops or trails off (if you have any) school ends, beenfits end.
yet try mentioning on here and it is ignored

OP posts:

survivingwinter · 01/02/2013 12:31

Living in hopes my dd magically grows out of hers...

But yes, they do grow up!

HecateWhoopass · 01/02/2013 13:32

Yup. They do indeed grow up.

My eldest is 13 and his next review is when they start planning the post 16 stuff.

I hope this means that there will be services for him. Otherwise, what are they planning for?

HecateWhoopass · 01/02/2013 13:33

panicking now.

MammaTJ · 01/02/2013 13:34

They do not grow out of them but maybe learn better strategies in order to cope.

MammaTJ · 01/02/2013 13:36

Hecate I am the same with my DD who has ADHD. I think about different scenarios and panic. Lasts nights was her trusting nature and how it will lead her to bad relationships. She is 7, FFS!!

There must be some support out there for them post 16!

elliejjtiny · 01/02/2013 13:41

I tend to bury my head in the sand about this. I have a 4 year old with physical disabilities. He gets dla, a wheelchair and a blue badge but that's pretty much it. I dread to think what's going to happen when he gets bigger, I get older and I can't lift him anymore. Maybe that's why you don't get many replies, other mums like me pretending their children will be magically cured at 16/18 or stay little forever.

LadyMargolotta · 01/02/2013 13:45

YANBU. Even fundraising and awareness is focused on children with disabilites and rarely the adults - usually accompanied by cute pictures of adorable toddlers.

HecateWhoopass · 01/02/2013 13:49

What worries me more than anything is the change in public perception that happens after they hit 18.

Gone, for the most part, is the 'probably has sn' and the understanding (such as it is) and suddenly your child is the local weirdo. ooh, he's a big odd, don't let him near the kids, he's trying to talk to them, AIBU to think that this really odd man who sits in the park is a paaaaaaaedo, cos he watches the kids play on the swings...

THAT worries me.

HecateWhoopass · 01/02/2013 13:55

bit not big

Cornycabernet · 01/02/2013 14:00

hecate that's what worries me as well
sometimes there are threads on here asking 'AIBU to report my neighbour who was glancing at my dd playing outside his house.' He is weird and doesn't talk to anybody.
Then posters say 'trust your instincts' and shit like that
makes me so

Maryz · 01/02/2013 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateWhoopass · 01/02/2013 14:10

Yes. It terrifies me.

I don't mind admitting that I cry myself to sleep sometimes through fear for my children's future.

I am afraid to let them have any independence at all.

They could be that 'creepy' bloke sitting watching the kids in the park.

When the facts are they are those autistic people who are really enjoying watching the children swing because they are totally innocent and really just wishing they could play too.

I have already had to stop taking them to the park because they are teenagers. All they want to do is swing and use the slide. But the glares I get from the parents there are dreadful. And I am right there to make sure they don't accidentally knock into the children. but not good enough, apparently.

I just feel like I am never going to let them out of my sight. I have to protect them from you. Yes you general unfeeling cruel callous public with a warped view of people and no understanding at all.

(not 'you' as in the people on this thread )

Miggsie · 01/02/2013 14:12

YANBU - I have 2 friends with ASD sons.
One is already setting up a charity to get a "supportive housing" project off the ground so he can live in community where he can continue to recieve support (he is almost non verbal) and live a semi independent life. She admits she can't see him ever having a job - it does upset her.

My other friend DOES act as if the problems will disappear - I worry as her child is severely language delayed, but gets no speech therapy. He is about 4-5 years behind his biological age for speech.

So, sadly not everyone wants to think about the future being unpleasant, and adult support for ASD is dire.
Societally, people don't want to talk about it - but often people don't want to talk about unpleasant things at all, hence so many people not even writing a will...it will take a significant cultural change, particulalry as some families feel shame at having a disabled/SN child - they feel judged by society.

mamamibbo · 01/02/2013 14:33

does anyone listen to steve wright on radio 2 and hear about the autistic gilr/woman that was arrested for being "drunk and disorderly" when she hadnt had a drink and the police still arrested her,refused to breathalise her,ignored her mum explaining and locked her up overniggt? that scared the crap out of me, that could be my son

also the panorama into the special needs care homes made me cry :(

doorbellringer · 01/02/2013 20:44

Hecate your post made me cry. Not out of pity just genuine sadness that you are right.

MammaTJ · 01/02/2013 20:49

Hecate, I know that man you talk about. He speaks to everyone, especially children or mums with children.

He is in his 60s or 70s. He would be on the swings with the kids if he could!

He says hello to me every time I see him. I always make conversation with him. His big smile says it all. It take three minutes out of my life maybe once a week.

threesocksmorgan · 01/02/2013 22:08

sorry I started this thread when I was in a ranty mood, was upset about another thread and well drowning in a sea of forms.
will admit the campaign thread set me off.
just never had to get so many forms filled in in my life, just to get dd assesed at a 19 plus residential college, oh you should see it, it is the nearest thing to perfect in this world. she will have a brilliant quality of life there.
but what do the local people who decide this want.....her to go to a local MS college, on what they call a full time course.....ffs 3 day course spread over 4 days!!
the building will not even be finished untill the summer of the year she will go, so I can't even look at it.....I could go on but you get the picture,
so sorry for my daft op.

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