Are my parents right to be upset over me not wanting to go round?

[bengal38]

Basically to cut a long story short me and my mum have never seen eye-to-eye. When I go round she constantly finds fault and criticises me. When the children go round (son 12 and daughter 9) she pays them no attention, doesn't talk to them at all to find out anything about them and my dad is pretty much the same (but not to the extent of my mum). She hasn't told me to go round for dinner since November with the children.

My dad came round last week and told me that I should make more of an effort to go round and asked me why I was stopping him and my mum from seeing the children. I explained to him that I wasn't stopping them from seeing the children but they had to make more of an effort as well with the children when we do take them round there. Also they don't even want to come round for tea/cake on the children's birthdays they expect me to take them round there. The reason for this is that they said they just don't like coming round because me and my husband plus husbands family make them feel uncomfortable.

My husband thinks I should take the kids round there and that I should also sit down with my mum and talk to her about why I don't go round there. The kids don't even want to go round there because they say it is very boring and there is nothing to do apart from watch tv. They say they are not allowed to move from infront of the tv - which is true. Last time my parents babysat I took them round there and my mum/dad said to me when I picked them up that they both need a very good clean and that they seem to be smelly and their hair needs a very good wash as well.

So am I right or wrong? And how would anyone handle this situation?

Interesting choice of language you used 'she hasn't told me to go round for dinner". People would usually say invited or asked.
How far away do they live? Could you pop round for an hour to say hello but not linger if the kids find it boring. I used to get bored when i was a kid visiting relatives but i just had to put up with it.
Also parents can be critical - sometimes it is best to just smile sweetly and say nothing!

I think that's a "thing" people say in some areas whitebag nothing to pick up on...i

Invite them over to you. Keep doing it. If they really want to see your DCs, they'll come to you.

What did you say to the 'smelly kid' thing. I mean are they? Does their hair need washing?

Well, I'm going to sit on the fence a bit here.

On the one hand, your parents have no right to be upset at your not wanting to go round if they are less than welcoming when you do go round. Claiming you're stopping them from seeing your children cuts no ice when they neither issue invites nor visit.

On the other hand, I think you should have had this conversation with them a long time ago. Like when she said your children smelled. Or when your children complained they were not allowed to move from in front of the TV. Or when they paid no attention to the children despite them being right there in front of them.

My children are by no means smelly at all. Daughter is in the bath every 3 nights (she has eczema so Drs said that 2 nights a week is fine). Son has a bath ever other night. Daughter has a hairwash 3 times a week and son has a hairwash when-ever he has a bath.

Also I do invite them to come over but they just say they can't and it seems like it is always me doing the running around after them to come and see them.

I have told them that the children do not smell and I did also ask my mum why they were not allowed to move from in-front of the tv and she said that it is her house and not mine. When they pay them no attention I try to encourage a conversation going between them.

Well in that case, I'm off the fence (damn, it's uncomfortable on those things!). Your parents will reap what they have sown, which is complete disinterest from your children (and rightly so). Relationships have to have input from both ends and your parents seem to feel that it requires nothing of them - wrong, wrong, wrong .

It's all very well your dad telling you that you "should make more of an effort to go round" but if they won't reciprocate it is very demoralising for you. And since you invite them and they do not come, thay cannot claim that you are "stopping him and my mum from seeing the children", since you patently are not. That's just 'woe is me' crap. The reason they gave for not coming round - " they said they just don't like coming round because me and my husband plus husbands family make them feel uncomfortable" - well, unless you all shamelessly bully them, that's just more crap. Self-serving crap, to be precise.

You asked "And how would anyone handle this situation?" Well, probably just the way you are already handling it. Keep issuing the invites, safe in the knowledge that they won't accept them . Keep pulling them up on their unwarranted criticism of your DC (I'd maybe also point out to them at such times that their behaviour is alienating you and the children and that they should engage brain before opening mouth might want to consider their words more carefully). And yes, refuse to take the children round if all that they are going to be allowed to do is sit in front of the TV. If your mother's view on that is " that it is her house and not [yours]" then she should be prepared to sit in her house all alone. Her choice .