To want DP to take anti-depressants?

[mumstonic]

DP has been suffering from depression and anxiety for over 4 years. It started when I fell pregnant with DD2 and shortly after he changed jobs. He has since lost two more jobs, set up a business that failed, ran up massive debts and is generally quite difficult to live with as he has a tendency to be very ?up and down?. He suffered from ADHD and ADD as a child/teen and I?m sure there are some traits that have continued into adulthood.

He regularly experiences chest pain and dizziness which is thought to be caused by anxiety, though he is convinced he has an underlying heart condition. Two years ago he underwent a course of CBT to address his anxiety issues, but it didn?t work. Last July he underwent further CBT at a different clinic, but he left mid-way through the first session.

Aside from the above, he also suffers from ulcerative colitis and IBS. He has a cupboard full of medication, but doesn?t bother to take it. He regularly complains of feeling ill with other non-related symptoms; since Christmas he has had a sore throat, recurring headaches, severe back-ache, a pulled shoulder muscles, an un-explained neck rash, and raised lymph nodes in his groin. Every couple of days he finds something new to worry about and he constantly google searches illnesses that he may or may not have.

Last week I floated the idea that perhaps he is depressed and the physical symptoms he experiences are possibly a result of feeling low and run down? He admitted to feeling depressed and agreed to go to the doctor. He told me he blames for some of his feelings of negativity, his anxiety and generally feeling low which has left me feeling awful. We do have relationships problems, though I?m not sure what came first the depression or relationship problems? Either way something has to change as its becoming impossible. I feel as though I need to be strong for him and our children, though there is only so much I can do.

So the doctor prescribed Prozac and for a week he?s chose not to take it until last night. He took one tablet before bed, though today has decided not to take them as he doesn't really agree with mind altering drugs.

AIBU to want him to take them?

My eldest DD (27) has ADHD and other traits.

Anxiety in adulthood is standard with ADHD.

It is a shame that he did leave after one session of CBT.

Did the docyor suggest any management techniques, as well as AD's?

We all live with the effects of my DD's condition (i feel terrible writing that), but YANBU to want your DH to try to alleviate some of his symptoms.

He may always have a level of stress and negativity, blaming you is unfair.

My DD tries to buck pass, to her partner, but i am there to not allow her to, so she takes resposibility.

He is a barrel of fun, isn't he? Is he working? He looks for problems and he does not take help when offered. Maybe a separation would be good for him. He could work on himself and you could have a break from all the negativity.

Harsh HansieMom.
OP, is he aware of how stressed you are? he sounds dreadfully selfish .
I would try to point out that life isn't all about him. Presumably he realizes that he is possibly making his UC worse by non medicating.
Good luck.

Birds that's interesting, didn't know passing the buck was typical of ADHD sufferers.

The doc spent a good half hour with dp. She thinks he would benefit from one to one psychistrist counselling, but explained in order to get that treatment, he needs to first try AD's and re-visit CBT. It could be months before he gets a referral, in the meantime he's getting worse.

He isn't working at the moment, he wants to re-start the business, but I really don't want to as He can't cope with the mandatory stuff like accounting, invoicing, paying his trade accounts! It would fall to me again and i just cant do it on top of a full time job and 3 DCs.

mumstonic, it sounds tough on you. IBS and colitis are enough to depress most people, and it sounds like he has a lot to deal with, but is just avoiding doing so. IMO he'd benefit from antidepressants and is being unreasonable not to take them, as well as the other prescription stuff he should be using. CBT isn't a cure all, despite the government seeing is as the quick solution to deep seated difficulties. Perhaps he'd benefit from some longer term therapy, but if he walked on the 1st session of his later CBT it sounds like his avoidance of responsibility and being stuck where his is is an big problem. Your post makes me wonder how on earth you are not depressed - have you considered Relate or something similar to help you talk stuff through, before you find you've had enough. Good luck

I have a dd (16) with ADHD. She is not good at taking responsibility for her own actions. We are trying to teach her.
It is common to pass the buck with this condition, the person concerned often cannot see the consequences of their own actions.

I don't think Hansie is being harsh. He is unreasonable to refuse to listen to advice and help himself.

Lotsof I do feel pretty stressed with it all, but dont have time to consider my own mental health. If I do mention feeling low, DP out-trumps me with how he's feeling, so I just get in with it.

My DH has anxiety, IBS and mild depression so I can relate to alot that you are saying, including being blamed for not 'helping'. However he is managing to keep working and does not take any ADs. He has been much better since he started yoga classes & has been to CBT.
Have you heard of Mindfullness- he has found this very helpful.
His problems are not going to magically go away. Both of you will have to accept this. It me a long time to comes to terms with that and I wasn't as supportive as I should have been because I was in denial. I couldn't understand why he couldn't be 'normal like everyone else'.
You need to get you DH to do something. He needs management techniques like CBT etc. As a first step ADs could help because he needs to be in a frame of mind to GO to the therapies and respond to them. It might take some time to gel with the therapist too - my DH has been to different people and some of them he didn't go back to because he couldn't relate to them.
I can see why you dob't want him to do the business, but I think he does need a project to motivate himself. Perhaps he could do a business/ accounts course or something like that. It will help him to get involved with something.
Good luck