Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a little bit of privacy and not have my life splashed about all over facebook?

38 replies

volvocowgirl · 30/01/2013 21:17

Maybe I'll just get told to get off facebook... but... this has really upset me...

I was taken into hospital on Friday and got out yesterday. It was sudden and unexpected and I had to have a few tests, etc, like you do!

Anyway, I get out of hospital to find my family, OH and in-laws all taking about me over facebook - everything from bowel movements to blood test results.

They all have my phone number and email and could easily have contacted me that way, but these weren't just 'well wishes' this was full on conversations about things that I think are best kept private, or at least only brought up in conversation with me.

I've just had to spend an hour deleting and untagging things but most of it's been out there since Friday and I've had all sorts of messages from people I hardly ever speak to (old school friends, ex-workmates, etc) offering advice and asking questions and it's all a bit much.

I wouldn't have dreamed of putting this all over facebook if it was someone else, they all live near each other and have other ways of contacting each other (in fact most of them saw each other at least once over the weekend), and other ways of contacting me (and they knew I didn't have access to facebook in there but they never bothered calling or texting me personally), am I being unreasonable to think this is a bit disrespectful and feel a bit like my life has been invaded?

OP posts:
mrsbunnylove · 30/01/2013 21:20

goodness, i'm sorry that happened to you. people have lost all sense of personal space nowadays. your medical details and internal action should be yours to share, not for public broadcast!

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 30/01/2013 21:20

What has your OH said in response to how upset you are? I assume you've mentioned it to him?

Hope you're feeling better btw.

feministefatale · 30/01/2013 21:21

Disgusting. Oh needs a talking to, and delete the family in question

Original poster
volvocowgirl · 30/01/2013 21:23

OH has apologised and apologised on behalf of his folks but he doesn't understand why he's apologising or what the problem is.

I'm sure if I'd mentioned his fertility tests on there it would be a whole world of difference...

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 30/01/2013 21:23

YANBU. I know someone who blogged all about his DW's BFing issues with their tiny premature baby. Without her knowledge. He was an idiot. I would just get off FB altogether.

Latara · 30/01/2013 21:24

YANBU, I like FB but that's a real invasion of your privacy. Especially shocking behaviour to come from your own partner & family!!

thezebrawearspurple · 30/01/2013 21:25

yanbu, tell everyone how completely inappropriate and invasive they have been, let them know how upset and angry you are. Tell them they can no longer be trusted with private information and therefore will never be receiving any again. Then defriend and block the lot of them.

YourHandInMyHand · 30/01/2013 21:26

YANBU

Removing yourself from facebook won't actually stop them talking about you, but it may stop all your friends and acquaintances from being notified of the ins and outs of your health tests/status. Have you asked OH how would feel if you and your family had been discussing his fertility tests in great detail on FB, for everyone to see? Does he not have any empathy??

Original poster
volvocowgirl · 30/01/2013 21:28

When I say family these are the people involved...

My Dad, Cousin, Sister, Uncle, Auntie...
OH and his Mum, Sister, Niece...

Neither of us come from big families - this is pretty much half of them so don't want to delete them and cause arguments really.

Hmmmm... maybe I should have a backbone and do it though...

OP posts:
tattoosarenotallowed · 30/01/2013 21:28

Put his fertility test details up there. In great detail.

BookFairy · 30/01/2013 21:28

Oh my days I would be absolutely mortified and furious. I would suggest to him that as he feels there is no issue, how about you discuss his recent medical tests on facebook for all the world and his neighbour to see.

I hope you're feeling better Flowers

Original poster
volvocowgirl · 30/01/2013 21:28

OH says it was,just concern. But it just comes across as horrible gossip to me!

OP posts:
AGreenie · 30/01/2013 21:31

That's terrible! I think that people sometimes forget that their conversations on Facebook aren't private and are there for whoever to see depending on the posters privacy settings!

Hope you're feeling better!

I was once told off by dh for posting a pic of my son at a show (Peppa pig or Thomas stage show type thing) - he was in the audience wnjoying the show and I'd taken a picture of him getting all excited, and posted it on fb straight away. My sil called dh straight away asking dh what ds had done to his head (he'd banged it at nursery the day before) - I was in so much trouble that I really think about what I'm putting up there now before i do....

Original poster
volvocowgirl · 30/01/2013 21:31

Thanx! feel a bit more Rarrr! Woman hear me roar! now that you've all got rid of my niggles that I was the one being overly sensitive! Will be having more words with OH and contemplating those to have with the rest of them at a more reasonable hour!

OP posts:
Hassled · 30/01/2013 21:32

This is horrendous for you - do you think they actually understand that other people could see/read all this? Is there any chance they thought this was private, just between themselves?

There's no way you should suck it up, though - you have to say something. I'd start by deleting them all. They can be reinstated once they've issued a full and frank apology.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 30/01/2013 21:35

I would be very annoyed.

I would probably send a private message to the whole family group reminding them that the private message feature exists and you'd appreciate it if they used it should there be a next time, as they have left you in an awkward position. But thanks for well wishes etc.

Original poster
volvocowgirl · 30/01/2013 21:35

Oh, they knew it was seen by other people because people they didn't know (my FB friends) were responding on the tagged posts and they were replying to them (without even knowing who they are)!

OP posts:
Hassled · 30/01/2013 21:38

Bloody hell. Delete them. What thoughtless idiots, honestly.

wanderingcloud · 30/01/2013 21:43

YANBU that's horrible and the last thing you need.

Closest I can get to relating is when my DSM posted to all and sundry that I was in labour. I wasn't best pleased but had to suck it up.

You can set your privacy settings so "Only Me" can see things about you. Even if you're not on FB wouldn't stop people discussing you though so I guess you have to speak to the family members concerned and point out how it made you feel.

CremeEggThief · 30/01/2013 21:46

YANBU. That's not on at all. How would any of them feel in your place? Angry

bessie26 · 30/01/2013 21:59

YANBU

I've got my fb set up so that I have to approve posts/photos I'm tagged in before they appear on my timeline for others to see.

Rhienne · 30/01/2013 22:20

Yes to what Bessie says. Change your setting so you have to approve anything you're tagged in. Then your friends who aren't friends with your relatives shouldn't see it (not sure if your relatives friends see it anyway?)

Artemis206 · 30/01/2013 22:33

YANBU. Just had similar happen to me.

I had family members posting on FB when I was in labour and when I'd had the baby. It wasn't their news to announce and I certainly didn't want it being common knowledge when I was in labour. I was furious.

2048 · 30/01/2013 22:45

I would come off Facebook but then again I can't see the attraction of being on it.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 30/01/2013 22:48

Yes, I hafe the same settings as Bessie. They will still talk Angry but you won't be tagged.

Any chance it was an accident to start with as FB now autofills names when you start to type?

But you are right to be fuming even if it was, they should have used PMs for private stuff.