To think dp is drinking too much?

[lightsandshapes]

Currently the best part of a bottle of red wine most nights..... In front of the tele, with a few cigarettes thrown in. He gets defensive when I mention it and thinks I'm over reacting.....

Yes he is drinking too much. Before Christmas it was revealed (all over the press, on radio, TV etc) that the government guidelines of 14 units per week for women and 21 units per week for men were basically completely made up back in the 1980s (I think).... I'm sure the recent experts were saying that anything more than 1 unit per day is bad for you

A bottle of wine per day could also be pretty expensive....! are we talking vintage Petrus or 3 for a tenner from Tesco??

He gets defensive.......because he knows you are right, but doesn't want to change!

It really depends if it's a whole bottle of if 1 bottle lasts him 2 days.
1 large and 1 small glass of wine isn't the end of the world.
But 1 bottle a night is. Does he have any nights off of the booze?
Is it just red wine? He's probably trying to justify as they are saying a glass of red wine a night is good for you - but they mean 1 small glass not 1 big bottle.
And please tell me he doesn't smoke in front of the TV and he goes outside to do that!!!!!

Yes, it's too much. That much alcohol will be affecting his liver and preventing him from absorbing and retaining nutrients. It'll also probably affect his mood and his ability to concentrate.

Is this a new thing?

He gets defensive because he knows you are right.

Sit him down without the wine and ask him why he has to drink so much. Is it to alleviate stress? To unwind?
Tell him how concerned you are about the health effects of drinking that much. The levels might have been plucked out of thin air but most people realise that drinking that amount is bad for you. His liver will have to process all those toxins day in and day out without any respite. Alcohol also thins the blood which will affect his circulation and which results in erectile problems amongst other things.

Do you have kids? Do they see him drinking each and every night? Has he ever injured himself or been unable to do something because of the drink?

You need to tell him how worried you are and ask that he cuts back. Perhaps he could have a couple of days off the booze during the week? Can you get in a nice soft drink? I treat myself to a glass of ginger beer which can be sipped and enjoyed rather than glugged down. Schloer do nice alternatives and there are some nice low alcohol wines around too.

If he denies there is a problem then all you can do is tell his family, your family and friends how much he is drinking, so that he is getting it from all sides. This is often the only way to make them confront the problem.

If he still doesn't then you have a choice. You can't force anyone to accept help but neither do you have to live with someone who is addicted to alcohol. Especially not someone who refuses to confront the problem or do anything about it.

Yes. It does rather depend on how nearly "nearly a bottle of wine" is but I'd still say that he's probably drinking too much. As importantly, he's drinking too regularly. He will get defensive because I suspect he knows that his alcohol consumption is too high.

I've been involved with two men who have had drinking problems. Neither of them would admit it, both were defensive and each, in their own way, had a justification for the amount they drank. One of them said that, since he only drank beer and only in the pub where he was involved in various pub teams, that he was merely socialising. The other, who drank nearly a bottle of whisky every night at home, said that it was perfectly reasonable to need to "wind down after a long day at work". However, one of them couldn't stay out of the pub (whether or not there was a darts match or whatever) and the other still drank even if not at work. It was the regularity as much as the quantities drunk that turned their drinking into a problem though. Because they couldn't stop.

What would your dp's reaction be if you suggested a few wine-free days, OP?

Is he drinking an unhealthy amount? Probably, yes, although we are all different.
Is it any of your business? Methinks not.

My husband does too. But I feel powerless ( as I guess I am). his dad is an alcoholic, and his uncle died of alcoholism...so it is a bit hopeless.

I don t facilitate it, I do not buy drink anymore, apart from when guests come. Then I have to hide it, or else it all gets drunk before the date.

I think in our case ot is an early stage, or a mild for of alcoholism. I feel completely at sea as to what to do. He gets very angry if I even mention it.

He says his job is too stressful, and he needs a drink. Then at weekends and holidays he needs to drink to celebrate.

Sometimes he gives up drink for one or two weeks, to prove he is not dependent.

I am used to it now. I even wonder if I am just being prissy. He is quite a happy drunk.

There, I have said it.

You are not alone. But I do not know any solutions.