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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disapppointed in ds, tell me I did the right thing.

15 replies

MummyPig24 · 30/01/2013 13:11

This morning whilst waiting to go into school ds disappeared round the corner, when I went to get him I found him and a friend pushing another boy down and not letting him up. They are all in reception.

I told him that it was unkind and made him apologise, then told him he would have no time on his leappad or daddys ipod today. When we went in I told his teacher what had happened and asked her to keep an eye out and let me know if he behaves like that again.

I'm so disappointed in him, why on earth would he think that was ok? Pushing another boy down on the ground is bad enough but ganging up and not letting him up is just awful. I feel like the worlds worst mother, he never behaves like this normally. Did I react appropriately?

OP posts:
N0tinmylife · 30/01/2013 13:13

Yes, sounds like you did exactly the right thing. What did the teacher say about it? Hopefully this is a one off, and your DS will learn from it!

degutastic · 30/01/2013 13:15

Kids can be mean. You did the right thing, he should learn from it...

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy · 30/01/2013 13:16

I think your response was spot on.

Sometimes children do things together that they wouldn't do on their own. Group dynamics. I have experienced this myself with my dc1. Remember he is only very young yet.

It's important to make it very clear to the child that it's not acceptable to behave like this, as you have done, including applying a sanction. Emphasise the importance of empathy ('how would you feel if someone did that to you?') I very much doubt that he's going to grow up into a bully :) And it's certainly not going to be your parenting at fault.

MunchkinsMumof2 · 30/01/2013 13:17

As the mum of a ds who was bullied and hurt in Reception, you most definitely did the right thing. He was bitten and knocked over and covered in bruises and not one of the mothers said a word to me despite knowing what their sons were doing. Well done for telling him off and hopefully this was just a blip for your ds.

thegreylady · 30/01/2013 13:17

It is really good that you stepped in and reacted appropriately.He will think twice before he does it again.

Adamit · 30/01/2013 13:18

its not a reflection on you .. its how you deal with it. we cant be with our kids 24/7 and only hope that what we teach them is enough. they will slip up and behave terribly. but you addressed it and now need to follow through with his punishment.

how old is he?

Original poster
MummyPig24 · 30/01/2013 13:22

His teacher was surprised as, like I said, he is usually kind and gets on well with the other children. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing! He has hit or pushed before when he has been provoked repeatedly (never at school) but hasn't even done anything like this before.

I know its not my parenting but I still feel that it reflects badly on me and I do want to impress upon ds the importance of being kind and looking out for others.

At least I know I handed it in the right way, thank you everyone!

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyPig24 · 30/01/2013 13:24

He is 5 Adamit

OP posts:
babybarrister · 30/01/2013 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DewDr0p · 30/01/2013 13:40

Agree spot on response OP.

snowflakehellokitty · 30/01/2013 13:44

i agree you did excatly the right thing
must have been a shock to see him behaving like this

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/01/2013 13:45

Perfect response OP.

My son is in Reception and was shoved over in the playground one lunchtime in a similar way. I like to think that the parents of the perpetrators dealt with their offspring in the same way you have.

If it is a one off, hopefully the severity of the response and the joint parent/teacher approach will mean it stays that way!

Brew
Original poster
MummyPig24 · 30/01/2013 13:55

Thanks. Hopefully he won't do something like this again!

His friend has some social issues and does struggle to understand what is appropriate in terms of physical contact, personal space etc and almost got banned from a summer scheme. Although he hasn't behaved like this in quite a long time. I am definitely not blaming him and anyway even it was him then ds knows enough to refuse to join in or say its not nice.

I'm very good friends with the other "perpetrators" mum and was talking to her at the time, she didn't seem particularly cross but did take away his leappad time too. Fingers crossed they behaved themselves today!!

OP posts:
Sianilaa · 30/01/2013 14:05

I think you dealt with it really well OP.

I have a DS in reception and was in a bit of trouble right at the start of the school year (mostly being silly but he kicked another boy, which is unlike him). I decided he needed to learn pretty quickly that whatever happens at school would also be punished at home and that his teachers and I would work as a team! He lost his lunchtime play and then he missed out on something at home as well. We had many chats about being kind to everyone and how would he like it if someone kicked him?

He has not been in trouble since, touch wood... It is a shock to see your normally well-behaved child doing something mean.

CrapBag · 30/01/2013 14:13

You did exactly the right thing. I would have done the same. Hopefully he will realise that this is not an appropriate way to behave and there will be no more of it.

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