Every time another report comes out from Age Concern about lonely older people and it's all finger pointing at their children and grandchildren ignoring them in their time of need - being too busy with their own lives to even pop in and say hello or pick up the phone - it is driving me mad - yes some elderly people have been treated terribly by their families when they have done so much for their children/grandchildren but there are also a huge number of families out there who have struggled to get their parents interested in their grandchildren.
My own parents basically felt that working and cleaning the house were more important than spending any time with me or my brother - there weren't many family holidays or days out, playing board games or having a story read and don't get me started on lack of involvement regarding school issues/homework/exams etc - the first thing I was told when I had dd1 was not to expect any free babysitting - well I didn't as we lived miles away but my parents idea of being involved grandparents was one trip every few years to visit us and stay a few hours - we were never really invited to theirs except for the odd christmas and only then if we weren't expecting to stay over. We were even banned from their lives for 2 years after once going to visit to drop off presents for dad's birthday and then asking if we could pop out shopping for a couple of hours - hubby actually suggested that since we got no free time to ourselves perhaps we should sneak off for a meal as well but I said no - when we got back I found out that dd1 then aged 6, had been naughty by running around and wouldn't stop when told so had been smacked. I didn't say anything against this form of punishment but after 2 days of silence my parents rang to say that because she had been so naughty they never wanted to see her again. After 2 years they changed their minds but still didn't really want to socialise with us - we had one more christmas with them and finally dd3 was invited to go and stay for a week 2 years ago which she loved.
Hubby's parents aren't much better - they want to "see" the children but don't want to take them out for days or entertain them - they just expect the kids to sit and listen to adult conversations (which mostly are about who has died lately in the village and all their health problems).
I have got upset in the past as I had hoped my parents would take more of an interest in their grandchildrens' lives but even when they telephone, they don't ask about what the kids have been up to - if invited to visit they make their excuses and if we ask to visit them, again excuses are made until finally they give in but of course it's a long journey (4 hours each way). People say to me that it's their loss but it's also the loss of my children who haven't been able to form the bonds with their grandparents on either side that I had with my own grandparents. Then to read articles about how lonely so many elderly people are and to know that actually, sometimes it's their own fault and not the fault of their children/grandchildren - well it just makes me seeth with frustration.
So to all those grandparents out there - if you're not seeing as much of your grandchildren as you would like - call them and invite them to stay during the next school hols - us parents will be grateful and the grandkids will probably love it - but don't think it's all because they don't want to see you - you HAVE to want to see them too and that will mean getting to know their likes and dislikes and being prepared that they may be naughty if they're small or bored if they're teenagers unless you have sky tv or a computer - but at least they will still be spending time with you and please STOP CALLING IT FREE CHILDCARE!!!! It's family - you can't put a financial figure on it - you do it out of love.