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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's not 'travelling' or 'finding yourself' if you're spending your days having cocktails in 5* hotels?,

53 replies

Umlauf · 30/01/2013 11:00

Best friend (very privileged girl but rather naive) got fed up of her well paid but dull job and decided to jack it in and go travelling for 6 months to find herself and learn about the wider world. I encouraged her because i think it's a fantastic thing to do, especially as she is very naive about society and money in general, and doesn't understand why everyone's parents can't just buy them a house/Bugatti/horse/spa membership.

Now she is on Facebook daily checking in at luxury hotels in Asia, describing the beautiful long days relaxing by the pool with all-inclusive cocktails! Just had a long phone call where she has told me she really understands the Thai culture now... She has been in Bangkok 3 days and not left the hotel because it's just too comfortable! Sounds incredible but... AIBU to get a bit annoyed with how she keeps referring to it 'going travelling to find herself?!'

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 30/01/2013 13:22

LOL @seeker!

Doing something different can stretch you. Perhaps a 5 start hotel is as adventurous as she is comfortable to go. Perhaps ordering her own drinks is a big deal to her? Who knows?

It's not what I'd think of if someone had told me they'd been travelling, but then when I went 'travelling' in Australia, some of the backpacking sharing dirt-floor hostles cost more than the hotels, because the 'travelling experience' has become a bit of a luxury 'thing' in and people like to pay extra to stay in a hammock and poo in a bush.

SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit · 30/01/2013 13:22

Travelling to find myself = unfettered tossery.
Everyone knows you look for things where you last saw them. Therefore I will find myself in Asda or in bed with the baby.

SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit · 30/01/2013 13:23

But I'd also like to add you wouldn't catch me roughing it round Asia. I'd let myself stay lost. Pools and cocktails, yes please. I think I'd go as far as... Wales? Wales is nice.

LaQueen · 30/01/2013 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotADragonOfSoup · 30/01/2013 13:40

Sounds ideal to me, OP.

FreudiansSlipper · 30/01/2013 13:44

you do need to get out of your hotel or hostel to see the country if you want to experience another country

mixing with other grungy travellers or those surrounded by luxury both can miss out on so much

many travellers are finding themselves in hostels by hanging about with other travellers finding themselves in hostels and not much else

to the locals you are money nothing else

lurkedtoolong · 30/01/2013 13:47

I fucking hate "finding yourself" - what does it mean? Travelling the world to have fun or to experience other cultures or to escape your shit life back home is all fine but to find yourself is absolute bollocks.

But if I had to find myself it would be by a pool with a book and a handsome waiter bringing me an endless supply of cocktails.

chickengoujons · 30/01/2013 13:47

I would choose her way anyday over 'slumming it' tourism which I find intensely annoying.

I find it incredibly irritating when people belive they have to get down with some poor people to have really travelled and experienced a culture. it so condecsending and silly.

I mean people coming to to visit britain should not be expected to stay in dirty b&bs or to stay in the most deprived areas they can find to get british culture should they?

FreudiansSlipper · 30/01/2013 13:48

I travelled around Asia with my backpack thinking I was a real traveller I loved every minute of it (apart from when I realised I had eaten dog) it was a fantastic experience would I have experienced as much staying in an all inclusive I doubt it

now i would rather stay in luxury would still not sit around a pool all day I might as well go to centre parcs if that is what I want to do

DragonMamma · 30/01/2013 13:50

My lovely cousin did this - moved to India to 'find himself'. All he found was his friends, in Goa and lots of cheap red wine.

YANBU

FreudiansSlipper · 30/01/2013 13:50

no but somewhere like Thailand if you stay in a luxury resort and never go out which many do not you miss out on so much, with all that luxury around you it is tempting not to bother to see things beyond the hotel gates

StarlightMcKenzie · 30/01/2013 13:54

I ate in a local restaurant in the Gambia. That was an eye opener. Who knows what was in the food?

We decided to wander about ourself in the capital after listening to a sales pitch of a tour that included an attraction of 'seeing some real poverty'. We were ripped off everywhere we went. Locals Taxis charging us a couple of pounds for what should be a couple of pence, but there really is no way of refusing. They are 'entitled' to charge that from you, they think.

Our meal was 20p each, again, extortionate. Our drink of coke cost 20p each too.

We had many invitations to tea. We took one up and had to wait forever while they went out and found a cup from a neighbour, who then proceeded to 'rent' it to us. 5p.

We listened to stories of how £1 could buy them enough rice to feed their family for a week (I doubt it) and one local came in with no shoes saying how poor he was and could he meet us outside the nike shop at 6pm?

We didn't find ourselves but we were certainly found.

foxinsocks · 30/01/2013 13:58

if she is looking for someone to help her find herself, please give her my number. For a hotel room and some cocktails, I will happily assist :)

FreudiansSlipper · 30/01/2013 14:03

I was once invited to have tea ina town I Vietnam amazing buildings they then showed us round then asked for $5

I do not care about being ripped off in some countries more fool us for thinking we were so special that they wanted to invite us into their home

saying that our bike broke down in the middle of nowhere a farmer fixed it for us with his brother it took them ages they took us into their home feed us they had two rooms and refused to take any money. It was a very humbling experience (we did return the next day with football tops)

I do think roughing it a bit can bring more experiences, or has done in my experience

JustAHolyFool · 30/01/2013 14:17

Whether you're staying in a shitty hostel or a 5-star hotel, it is supremely arrogant (and startlingly common) to think that you understand a culture in a number of days.

StarlightMcKenzie · 30/01/2013 14:22

Absolutely. I went to relatively 'tame' Canada for a month and never managed to work out the tax system let alone their relationship with the indiginous people.

NicknameTaken · 30/01/2013 14:25

Ah, if you think you're irritated now, you've so many more years of irritation ahead of you, when she flaunts her new-found knowledge of Thai culture and knowledge of the world.

I've travelled a lot and experienced terminal incomprehension regarding most of it.

Lighthousekeeping · 30/01/2013 14:31

I hope she is leaving her hotels to at least meet people. Six months is a long time to spend in the company of a bartender (or, maybe not?). Its along time to be on your own everyday. Must be costing a blinking fortune, didnt she ask you to meet up with her? Afterall, shes paying for the room for two people.

Well good luck to her. I always have an inward laugh at the girls at work that took a year off to go travelling after school and never worked either to save for it or at all during the year as the parents paid for it. Every single one of them. Its not quite the same is it?

badguider · 30/01/2013 14:36

well she might not find out much about asia in a 5* hotel but if she plans to spend 6months in her own company then she surely will learn something about herself!

in hostels you meet others and some people get so caught up in the socialising they don't really spend any time on their own at all... in a luxury hotel there isn't that social scene so it might actually be quite challenging after a while (i'd be ok for a week or so but bored shitless after that).

ThenWeTakeBerlin · 30/01/2013 14:38

I'm saving for a high-end, glamorous gap yah.

I wouldn't call it 'finding myself', just a bloody good holiday!

Original poster
Umlauf · 30/01/2013 14:45

Thanks for your responses! I'm obviously jealous of the luxury holiday, but not of my friend in general, who wouldn't want to spend time in luxury hotels?! I also don't think you have to stay in a hovel, but you should at least venture out...?!

Ah, if you think you're irritated now, you've so many more years of irritation ahead of you, when she flaunts her new-found knowledge of Thai culture and knowledge of the world.

This, however, is what I'm not looking forward to and annoyed about!

OP posts:
Latara · 30/01/2013 14:48

I would find myself very happy if i went travelling to posh hotels :)

StarlightMcKenzie · 30/01/2013 14:50

I wouldn't worry. Google could probably equip you with enough questions to ask that she'll avoid talking about it, at least to you.

WilsonFrickett · 30/01/2013 14:53

Grin @Seeker's DH

The thing is, hanging out on the Kho San road with the other CrustyTrusties isn't exactly experiencing true Thai culture either. I also don't know when going on a holiday (albeit a very long one) became about 'finding self'. She's on holiday, having a ball, I'm Envy and wish I could afford it. Bugger finding myself, I'm all about the cocktails...

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/01/2013 14:53

I always find it a bit weird when people think that you have to go and live in a shithole somewhere to get any benefit out of going to a different place.

Sounds like she is having a fab time.

If she is so grateful, why don't you suggest that as a thank-you she could pay for you to join her for a week at the end of her trip? Grin

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