To ask how "entitled" you were as a teenager.

[JakeBullet]

With all the discussions about welfare changes and the term "entitled" being bandied about I thought back to a time when I truly was "entitled". My teenage years were a charmed life of lie ins, little responsibility and pocket money (okay only £1 but we are going back some years). I didn't know I was born.....

So fast forward to age16 and the school arranged for us to have two weeks of "work experience" with local employers. I can remember being utterly shocked that I would "have to be there at 8:00am which means I am going to have to be up by 6:30am". I actually remember saying to my Mum "they can't expect me to be there that early". I forget her response but it was along the lines of "welcome to the real world love" .

Three years later I was happily working all hours as a student nurse but have never forgotten how precious I was at 16.

Srlf esteem though can need boosting and need not make a child or teenager "entitled", I am thinking here of DS who is autistic and needs bolstering from time to time. I suspect that warps my view a bit.

Interesting how many people had paper rounds as I had forgotten that....did a round for 2 years but it was the local paper which was evenings. None of that early morning nonsense .

Best of all is that although I was an idle wotsit in the morning at that age I am now up by 6am most days.....and unconscious by 9pm.

I dunno....perhaps I was better than I thought.

I suppose I was materially very well off: private school, instrument and speech lessons, ballet before I got too tall, lots of pocket money, foreign travel etc. However I think it was a mixed picture - my parents were extremely strict about behaviour and academic work, and didn't allow me a lot of freedom of movement or allow me to get a Saturday job, which I would have liked - despite going endlessly on about how independent they were at their ages! So it was a bit suffocating and made me very strongly want to gain independence. I also had some regular small household jobs. So it was a safe and comfortable childhood but with very strict expectations.

I wasn't allowed things like a TV in my room or a phone, which lots of my friends had, or to watch lots of TV. I nearly passed out with shock when I saw someone my age with a mobile phone for the first time (this was in 1997) because "gadgets" like that were very much frowned upon. I was allowed to buy as many books as I wanted though!

I hope I'm not entitled now, although I do suppose I get a bit grumpy particularly when I think about how difficult it will be to ever buy a home in Britain.

"'entitlement' didn't exist in the 70s and 80s. you were a child who was seen and not heard then you were supposed to leave school and become a tax and rent paying adult overnight. there was no such thing as raising your children's self esteem or having any rights."

I think it depended on your family even in those days. Dh was born in 1960 and had a very close relationship to his parents and was certainly allowed to voice his opinions. Basically, they liked the company of their two boys, enjoyed talking to them and were interested to hear what they had to say. Such parents did exist even in the 70s and 80s. And dh's dad was born in 1909!

My father was (and is) amazing, my relationship with my mother...somewhat more rocky (although adult to adult we get on better).

As a teenager I was a boarding school because my mother 'couldn't cope' with me and the twins (they were born when I was 12). As a result I have always been realistic and self-sufficient. The twins are pampered beyond belief!

My parents weren't strict at all. I could pretty much do what I liked once I was 16. I had plenty of opinions and rights.

FairPhyllis, what are you saying rings a bell - there were very very few things we were allowed to do (and it was impossible to do anything when no one would give you a lift, but you weren't allowed to get the bus), and yet we were always being told how rubbish we were for not doing anything.
Even at home, just making dinner was a control-freakazoid minefield of a million ways you could get things wrong.
I remember feeling guiltily relieved when a very confident, poised, competent cousin of mind confided that she was quite upset about how she was treated by my mum for using the wrong chopping board. I thought "thank goodness it isn't just me who is a worthless piece of shit who can't intuit all these bizarre rules"

I felt entitled to a free higher education, but didn't expect my mum to run around after me.

Saturday job from age 15 so no pocket money and didn't feel entitled to material things.

I wasn't entitled but my siblings were. I worked Saterdays and holidays and I babysat a lot. I loved working and earning money and saved most of it. I got myself sponsored to go to college so I was earning and receiving a grant as a student.

My siblings didn't work at school and were unemployed and unemployable for years until a family member employed them. I love them but they are still lazy gits.
Same parents but a very different sense of entitlement.

Entitled? In one way I was very privileged. I got a job at 14 but only because I wanted it. I didn't need it.

In another way, my parents were really strict. I couldn't be out later than half eight even in the holidays except if I was in a dance show at the theatre or the school play/orchestra etc.

My siblings and I took it in turns to cook a roast dinner on Sunday and wash the pots. My chores were cleaning the house on Saturday mornings and my grandmas house on Sunday mornings.

I was allowed to look after myself once I'd turned 16. Clubbing all hours, going to school, and maintaining my chores.

I wasn't entitled. I was brought up to cook and clean for my brothers (now you are talking entitlement with them!). I worked from 12 and left school at 16, but I handed in all my wages until I was married- I wouldn't have even thought of not handing in. My parents were so strict. I wasn't allowed in DH's car until I was married! My curfew was midnight and my dad would be at the bus stop or outside work waiting for me. It sounds awful, but I was happy.

Not entitled, I don't think. Grew up in the 70s. Lucky to have a very close, happy family - but there was little money to spare and it was always expected that if you wanted something then you had to graft for it. Picking strawberries in season from age 9 or so. Worked from age 14 every weekend, and 7 days a week in the holidays - cycling 8 miles to a cafe and working 8.00am - 6.00pm then cycling home again. (Were there any laws on child employment ? No one seemed worried by the hours we put in). I was earning 60p an hour! Can remember saving for ages to buy a skirt from Dorothy Perkins that cost £10 (no such thing as Primark then). Babysitting Fri/Sat nights. No one made me work - but I didn't get pocket money so if you didn't work you couldn't buy stuff. No one ran us about - you walked or biked, and from the age of 15 ish grabbed yourself a 17 yo bf with a car. (Rural area). Plenty of chores at home such as washing up, hoovering, ironing - all of us (including the boys) were expected to help out and we did so cheerfully without expecting it to be any different. Left home at 17 and have always worked. We were brought up to do so. On the other hand we did have a lot more freedom, I think. As kids we roamed for miles with a picnic - my Ma wouldn't really have had a clue where to look for us if we hadn't come home. I don't think it did us any harm - it toughened us up. People have always airily said 'Oh sowornout will cope' and I do, mostly because it doesn't occur to me not to. We were generally brought up to think that nothing is handed to you on a plate, shit happens and you just have to get on with things without moaning about them. Thinking about being a child what mostly occurs to me is that adults were really sharp and harsh with you, actually. Teachers were sarcastic often - no one was worried about damaging our fragile little egos and if you fell and cut your knee in the school playground you could guarantee that a 'dinner lady' on duty would say briskly, 'stop weeping - there's nothing wrong with you. Off you go'. No central heating, no phone at home,only BB1, BBC2 and Yorkshire on the telly. No internet, no video recorders, what appeared to be mostly 'brown' clothes (and basically only about 4 outfits). I do think that as a teenager I was a lot more independent and able to fend for myself more than teens are today. I had a pretty happy time.

I wasnt entitled as such, but as a family we were "comfortable" and if I wanted something I dont think I was ever told no. (Though to be fair, I wasnt materialistic and the things I asked for werent ridiculous by any means - a magazine once a month or whatever.)

I had no idea about the real honest to god poverty a few miles from my home. :(

I suppose, materially, I was well off, and possibly entitled. We had horses (but they were scruffy things first of all, and the only reason we cold afford them was that my mother taught people how to ride and gave tourists riding tours of the local area, we were in Lapland so we had a lot of tourists!). I had music lessons, swimming lessons and a room for myself, and we didn't struggle much for money.

However, from about eight, my step dad (dad had died when I was four ) woke me up at about five thirty, I'd muck out the horses, caught the ones in the pasture, helped groom as many as I could before it was eight thirty. School in my country started at nine thirty, so later than most, although I think that might have changed since then, so I got changed again, and helped my older brothers and my mum make breakfast, fed the dogs (my step dad took tourists on husky rides, so similar to my mum, and also bred them and helped train sled dogs for local people) and give their coats a scrub over, as they had very, very thick fur. In summer, I would then spend the remaining thirty minutes relaxing, then I'd walk to school. In winter, either it was too dark to go to school or two heavy snow, on the midst if winter, due to location, or I'd go to school then, because if we helped move the heavy snow around the snow, we got free hot chocolate and biscuits.

So I woke up early, did a lot of chores, helped with my little brothers and sisters (big family, I'd look after one from about eleven, but usually my older brothers looked after the three youngest, until I was about fourteen) and I paid for clothes which weren't uniform, and from fifteen I had a job, by eighteen I had three, and paid my way to university.

However, like I mentioned, I was also given a lot. For instance, I had my own nice room, and found it a shock to be in the box room I had at university, so I was entitled in space. Although I would help prepare breakfast, snacks and cook supper every now and then when I was an older teenager, I could rely on my mother for a lot. I was regularly given money, as well as pocket money, for trips out with friends, I was allowed to be picky and choosy about food, and more.

So, materially, I was entitled. But working and earning wise, I wasn't, I think.

It sounds like I did the horse things on my own! Obviously, my step dad, my mum and my older brothers, and when I was older, my younger but still old sisters and brothers helped. It was quite easy and fun in a way, but boring.

School, not snow. Sorry.

Just thinking, my parents were actually really clever. I was the dreamy artistic one and had a free hand to rearrange the rooms however I liked whilst cleaning. One of my siblings was an animal lover and really outdoorsy so they got the animal and garden chores. Another was a bit of a loner and tearaway and they had to escort my grandma and her friends to the nearest supermarket (a 50min bus ride away, shop, take them for a drink and help them back). The tearaway soon learnt over cups of tea and cake that there was nothing new, these old ladies had been there, done it and burnt the t shirt.

I was an avon lady at 13. I also worked Saturday in my mums clothes shop. I always seemed to have money. I wanted to go to college and be a painter and decorater, my Dad refused and told me to go work in an office, or a bank.

My first job. I chose between 2, one was a 30 minute bus journey in an Estate Agents, the other was a shorter journey but more walking in a building society with less money, I chose the Estate Agents and spent days, buying Newspapers, buying cakes, making lunch and a bit of filing, my boss was an alcoholic so I walk out after 6 months of garlic breathe and alcohol breathe abuse daily.

Found another job, in 2 months, 2 buses away, but loved it, was promoted and trained up on how to speak properly use a data base and use a Word Processing system, sadly they then went bankrupt.

3 months after that moved onto another great job, I was 18 by this time, 30 minute bus journey, lots of respect, stayed at home, bought a car, every items of clothing I owned was designer. Lived for the weekends, partying and sleeping. Tried to move out but was broke and couldn't party, so moved home again.....

I miss being a teenager, well after 14.

I wasn't allowed to get a Saturday job as we lived miles from anywhere with very few buses but did have to help with all of the housework as Mum worked full-time. I could cook, clean and iron by the time I was 12 and mow the lawn and walk the dog.
We were fairly poor, couldn't afford holidays unless it was a week in a friends caravan, couldn't afford a TV but my parents were very good at stretching money and I never went hungry.
I did think that my opinion about world events was more knowledgeable than my parents, I think I forgot that they had lived through and in the case of my Dad fought in a world war and had seen things that I will hopefully never see and so had earned their right to opinions at least on most things.
They were very kind though and just smiled tolerantly when I spouted on about things.

no parental attention, no money, the expectation of completing chores unlike my brothers.

My kids have to do chores too but they get lots of attention and a few more free treats despite lack of fund.

I started work at 13 - I did babysitting, worked in a local shop/cafe and did shifts for my mum in her antique shop. I didn't get a lot of pocket money as I was expected to earn my own.

I left for uni at 18, my parents did not subsidise me as I got a loan (and very small grant) and used money I'd saved from working 3 jobs in the holidays. Husband (then boyfriend) and I then rented our own place once I graduated.

I was ridiculously entitled.

I thoroughly resented my mum finding me a job in the 6 week holidays when I was 16 (They gave me all the money I needed for my Friday night fag and booze habit, why the fuck should I work for it?!) then resented her making me get a Saturday job while I was at College.

Funnily enough, I decided not to go to Uni and get a job instead as I soon realised the value of earning your own money!

Fairly I think. Especially the year I was in upper 6th. I was doing 5 A-levels and got myself an offer from Cambridge. (Which my dad had applied for and not got into.) I really needed a part time job (in order to finance ridiculously short skirts, trips to the pub with my friends and other necessities) and my parents said that if I spent the time I would have spent working studying the they would give me the money I would have earned.

In my defence I did work ridiculously hard at my A-levels. (So much so that my parents were quite worried I would make myself ill and started a "maximum revision hours a day" chart (12 on a weekend and 5 on a school day I think) and would come in, take my books away and send me out for a walk with my dad at 11pm each night.

Or does the second paragraph just make me sound even more spoilt?

This is a really interesting thread - can I ask those posters who weren't entitled at all how that has affected how they treat their own teenagers, if they have them?

I had a very rough time of it as a teenager, culminating in my mother dying when I was 16 and me moving into lodgings at that age. So I've massively overcompensated with my own DCs, and I'd say they probably are very entitled. It gives me a great deal of pleasure to give them the easy life and the security I didn't have.

Not really - I was a teen in 1983 and a latch key kid from the age of 11 - I had to make tea, clean, do washing etc - not like Cinderella - more as part of the family where we all pulled our weight

also from age 14 I was involved in the Labour and Trades Union movement and spending weekends at Greenham

As soon as I worked I paid a 3rd of my income in keep

My kids have a much more comfortable lifestyle but I expect them to help out at home and muck in