Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to think this is a pathetic excuse for not coming out for my birthday?

40 replies

loveheartlost · 30/01/2013 03:13

Text friends to come out for my birthday on the 16th, just for a few drinks nothing crazy. A few couldn't make it - fair enough. One I assumed couldn't make it because she was working.

It turns out that she is not working but is instead staying at her sisters house because her sister hates being in the house by herself.

They live about 10 minutes from each and see each other a lot anyway, the sister is engaged and lives with her partner (he is having a boys night on the 16th) and she also has two daughters who lives with her. The sister is also 32 and does not have any SN or anxiety etc. She just generally doesn't like being in the house by herself (even though the children would be there)

I don't like staying in my house by myself, but I am a grown adult and if it comes down to it then it's not an issue.

aibu to think this is a rather pathetic excuse??

OP posts:

changeforthebetter · 30/01/2013 09:47

Yanbu to want to celebrate your birthday.
your friend nbu for wanting to spend time with her sister. I lived alone for 10 years and now live with small dcs. I am ok with it but can understand other people may have issues. its rather cutting to dismiss someone else's fear as pathetic. have a little empathy people!

drownangels · 30/01/2013 09:59

TBH I would have done what Teddington suggested - invite the sister.
It's what our gang of mates do.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 30/01/2013 10:40

I like the idea of inviting the sister.

But I think all she's saying is her sister fancies having her around because she doesn't want to be alone - it's not a 'pathetic excuse', it's just what she happens to be doing that day.

Adamit · 30/01/2013 10:44

yabu for celebrating a birthday unless your are 8 yrs old (never understood grown adults getting upset over people not remembering their birthdays, not sending a card, not going to party)

ya also bu for belittling her fear. you dont know her circumstances and your friend agreed to this before your bday drinks.

Fakebook · 30/01/2013 10:47

I don't understand why people celebrate their birthdays after age 25...

bringmeroses · 30/01/2013 10:48

Yup, it's hardly pathetic, she genuinely has plans and it's not up to you as a friend to judge whether her reason is good enough to miss your birthday drinks - which sounds a casual sort of event from your post.
Don't be miffed with her. See if you and she can do lunch or something soon instead to celebrate your birthday.

drownangels · 30/01/2013 10:52

I don't understand why people celebrate their birthdays after age 25...
Why is the cut of point for having a fun day on your birthday 25

I love making a big fuss over DH's birthday.
For my birthday I get fab presents and love getting nice cards from my kids that I keep. We go out for a meal to somewhere where we wouldn't normally go.

I'd better tell my dad he shouldn't celebrate his 70th next week as he isn't 25 anymore!!

Nagoo · 30/01/2013 10:53

YANBU to be disappointed.

YABU to be aggressive about it.

aldiwhore · 30/01/2013 10:56

I never make excuses and I shouldn't have to, there doesn't need to be a reason why someone won't go on a night out.

I love my friends, and I make a fuss of them on their birthdays, but I won't go if I don't want to, it's not personal, it's expensive and I like to choose my nights out carefully as I don't get many opportunities, those I do have I like to have some control over (as in where to eat, drink and dance).

For that, YABU... your friend shouldn't feel the need to excuse herself.

YABU for being a bit judgeypants, YANBU to have an opinion, YWBU to voice it.

I love celebrating anything, but I can't and won't feel obliged to do everything.

Your friends sister could accuse YOU of being needy, so I wouldn't even mention it, don't go there!!

fryingpantoface · 30/01/2013 10:58

Id invite the sister

KC225 · 30/01/2013 11:00

I agree with Teddington, have you thought of inviting the sister too - maybe they can arrange a sittter and then go back to the sisters house.

THERhubarb · 30/01/2013 11:02

I can understand your disappointment at so many friends not being able to make it.

However you are being unreasonable to expect your friend to put you before her sister.

You may think it is pathetic for a woman to be afraid of being in a house alone but I'm sure you have similar fears that would seem pathetic to other people too. To this woman it could be a real problem that she has and she is grateful for the support of her sister.

Your friend may also just not fancy a night out with you and could actually be quite looking forward to an evening in with her sister.

You cannot expect your friend's worlds to revolve around you even if it is your birthday. Shit happens sometimes. How about you offer to go round and have a drink with them both before you go out for the night? I'm sure that would be greatly appreciated, you would get to see your friend and potentially make a new one in her sister and you can go out later with the friends who are free.

A little understanding sometimes goes a long way.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/01/2013 11:06

Wow - I celebrate my birthday and celebrations usually last over 2 weekends. One with family the other with friends and I'm mid 40's!!!!
I really don't see anything wrong with that.
But..... We do plan well in advance and make sure we have a day free to all get together. If we can't then we'll push it out a week or back a week etc...
As there are a few that can't go, could you see when they are free to celebrate with you?
I'm sure in the OP it said the sister has DC with her and her DH is out on a boys night so she probably has to look after her DC so wouldn't be able to attend this event??? Might be wrong there though!

RooneyMara · 30/01/2013 11:12

OP, I'm wondering why this is a problem for you.

Are you afraid that your friend is using an excuse not to come out with you, because she really doesn't want to?

Do you think your birthday/happiness is not important to her? Any other evidence of this?

Or is it simplythat you think her sister is a big ol' wuss?

If you can say what exactly is worrying you we might be able to help a bit more.

irishchic · 30/01/2013 12:02

The OP has been scared off by all the YABU responses!

Flip

1 2