To be pissed off at DH for leaving me to do all the stuff in the house ?

[Troubleintmill]

I have just shouted at DH as I am getting so annoyed about his crap attitude to doing stuff in the house.
I am a SAHM and he works earning money to keep us and for that I am very grateful. I don't expect to do loads as I see must things are easier for me to do as I am able to do them as part of the daily routine. However, he does work from home apart from 2 days a week when he is away, I would hope that some of the days he is here he could do a couple of jobs aswell as work. He does help out with our DS a bit though this is mainly simple tasks such as getting him breakfast or doing bedtime. He just never does the practical stuff! He hardly ever does any food shopping and never cooks a meal. His idea of cooking is calling a take away!
He has to be asked to do stuff like take full washing basket upstairs - I have a hernia, so can't lift so much though I do the majority of stuff like this. If he does take the washing up he never puts away! I could go on but I know I'm moaning so hope you get the picture.
AIBU to hope that he could do a bit more in the house?
It really gets me down as I feel like a bit of a slave. I have PND and I feel worse i think because I find I am doing all the chores and don't feel like I'm appreciated.
It doesn't help to hear of friends DHs who are great at the domestic stuff as well as working full time! Maybe I'm just expecting too much and should put up and shut up.

YANBU. My DH works FT. We still split house chores equally as we did when both worked FT. The only thing he doesn't do is cards & presents for anyone other than me and dd.

YANBU. Plenty of men who work full time help with the chores. It sounds like you could really do with a break. Do you have any time to yourself?

1. Earning a living doesn't mean you lose the ability to do your share round the house.

1. Earning a living doesn't mean you lose any responsbility for yourself and your environment.

1. Staying at home enables him to work unfettered by the complications of childcare. You are helping him to have it all.

Stop being so grateful for him working, be clear that when he is home/at weekends he shares 50:50.

And/or get a job

If he is supposed to be working you should treat him as not being there unless he is self employed, i cant see his boss being impressed.

He shiuld do jobs you cannot do with your hernia but otherwise as he provides financially i dont think its wrong to expect the other adult to do the housework as they are home.

Yes Mammy I do get a break but find I spend most of that time doing housework! I feel guilty if I don't. I did have a cleaner once a fortnight at the end of being pg and for a bit after DS was born but felt like I was capable enough to do it myself so cancelled her.
I know I have probably made a rod for my own back by doing so much as he never feels the need to do anything. Washing, cooking, cleaning etc all done for him. He is crap at thinking of what to cook for meals and of he looks after DS for a bit and DS needs feeding he prefers to take him out somewhere rather than find something at home!
I would get a job but haven't worked for a long time do not sure i am employable!

He is self employed. I am not asking him to do jobs during the working day. Only before he starts and occasionally in the evening.

HappyMumOfOne is a surrendered wife/1950s throwback

He shouldn't help you when he's supposed to be working, but just do his bit when he isn't

Change the rules trouble

and maybe think about how you can make yourself employable in the future

YANBU

I'm a SAHM to a toddler and a baby, and whilst I appreciate that being at home means I do a good chunk of the household chores, DP should still chip in too.

DP used to be great at sharing the chores but I have started to feel that things are slipping... Pre-DCs we used to have a cleaner, but we shared general day-to-day tidying, washing, ironing, cooking, washing up.

Now DP has just gone off to football training and because I feel absolutely knackered have asked him to wash up the kids teatime stuff when he gets back, which was met with a whinge and an element of surprise and talk of 'how hard he's working' Can't remember the last time he did any of his own washing, or ANY cleaning, or food shopping/meal planning, although he does cook (because he enjoys it). Reckon I need to crack my whip and get things back to how they were!

Sorry, I digress, but I know how you feel. I agree that he shouldn't be doing housework whilst he's supposed to be working from home, but when he's on a break, having a sarnie or whatever, can easily stick a wash in, put away some clothes etc

I think the trouble when you're a SAHM is that no matter how lovely your bloke is, they still think that it must be quite easy, and that you can sit around playing with the kids or watching telly all day. I'm feeling totally exhausted at the moment, as when the kids are down for their one shared nap a day, i'm racing around like a maniac trying to get stuff done before they wake up! Sorry, rant over!

Don't feel guilty, everyone needs time to themselves. Both mums and dads! Even if it's only a nice long soak in the bath or half an hour reading before bed. The chores need to be shared equally

MerylStrop, haha 1950's throwback. You couldnt be much further from the truth. I have two jobs that pretty much equal DHs full time hours. We share childcare and jobs.

However, i just dont feel its unreasonable to expect the SAHP to do the bulk of the housework and take that strain whilst the other works and has the financial strain of being the ony earner.

I wouldn't say DH has any financial strain as such. He is successful in his work so we are lucky there is not too much to worry about there. This is the reason I am the SaHP and he works. It is how he wanted things to be, very traditional. Though I don't feel like I should be someone's housekeeper because of this. Maybe I'm wrong.

I doubt things are going to change as he won't change his views. Before we had DS I still did everything. Even when I worked. It didn't bother me so much then as I guess I had much more free time even with doing the chores etc.

Agree sahm should do bulk of houework during the day. However surely basic household chores eg cooking cleaning and childcare should be split evenings and weekends.
I have this problem too op and it drives me nuts.

If he was living on his own he would have to do all his own cooking, cleaning and work.

You have PND and so he should be supporting you. House work can seem like a mountain to climb with PND. Have you sat down and asked him work out which household jobs he will do? Which days he will cook? When he will look after the child? If he isn't willing he needs to employ a cleaner weekly.

Weekends and evenings the jobs/childcare should be equally shared