to not want to go on a family holiday abroad to celebrate my mother's 60th?

[belleat40]

DB lives abroad, DM wants us all (me and kids and sister and kids) to all travel to visit him to celebrate her 60th.
I really don't want to go, can't afford it, hate flying, don't get on that well with dsis and really would rather not. Am I being unreasonable to say no?
DM is 60 and really wants to spend time with db and his kids. And I suppose it would be nice for dd's to spend time with their cousins. Just don't want a six hour flight to get there.
I should make the effort shouldn't I?

It would be more practical for your BD to come to your mother's. If you can't afford it don't be guilt tripped into agreeing to go.

It's too big an ask.
YANBU.
It would BU to refuse a meal or even a long UK weekend but this is too much just for a birthday, even a 60th one.

Oh god no don't do it, unless you really want to go.
My in laws tacked themselves onto out trip to introduce our first born to my family abroad. OMG it was a bloody nightmare, MIL (who babysat and lived 5 minutes from us) sticking her oar in, and interfering not letting my Mum get a look in on her first grandchild.
What is it with all these big holiday birthdays now anyway? 40 50 60 It used to be dinner out and cake and everyone was happy, not spending thousands to celebrate abroad. It's all got a bit out of hand.
I think I might pay to send my Mum to see my sis abroad for her birthday present, but It's only Spain not thousands £ and we wouldn't be going too.

It would be our holiday for the year. We were going to get a caravan on the south coast for a week, actually the only week we have off together in May half term but would have to scrap that now. DH wouldn't be coming with me and kids, we have to cover all summer holidays with annual leave so we only have one week off together this year until Christmas.
It'd be cheaper for us if db and kids flew over but dm is set on us all going to db's.
Get on really well with db and his wife (she's lovely), just not with my dsis. DM is well aware of this (half the time she doesn't even get on with her!).
Thanks for your replies, I thought I was being a total cow, but maybe it's not that unreasonable to say no.

do it for your mum. Explain that money is tight so you will have to be very careful.

Let her go and throw her a nice party when she gets back.

Say no, say you can't afford it. If she really wants this, she'll offer to pay for it. If it means you get no family holiday and you and the DCs have to go spend time with your Sister you don't get on with, then it's not going to be a nice time at all.

My mum might have wanted us all to go to Australia for her 60th (she didn't) but that does'nt mean it would have been practical and/or financially possible for us.

You have neither the money or the holiday allowance. Nice idea, but not possible.

Offer the compromise of your DB coming here and having a meal/big party for her.

If DM has specifically requested your presence, YABU not to go.

'specifically requested your presence...' fucking jesus.Is she going to Downton Abbey?! I would suggest you specifically request the money for this holiday in used notes.

BTW - DFIL wants us all to go away for his 70th - but he'll be paying for us all. If you want to have a big holiday for a birthday, you either have to offer to pay or accept not everyone can make your birthday dreams come true. It's not acceptable for someone to decide how someone else (who's also a fully capable adult) should spend their money and free time for them, even if that person is your mother.

In the light of the fact your DH wouldn't be going you are definitely not being unreasonable. In fact I think DM is very out of order to ask you to give up your one week off as a whole family for the year for this. Very very selfish.

pigletpower

Glad you're feeling braver. YADNBU if you don't go. Sounds a bit controlling tbh. You'd be better off having a week with your OH and dcs.

"If DM has specifically requested your presence, YABU not to go."
No. "I want" doesn't mean "I get".

Give up your family holiday for your Mum??

No way!!

Why can´t your brother travel?

Have you spoken to him?

I love the idea that OP has to go because her Mum has requested it!!

Even though OP should pay for the "honour" & not have a holiday with her husband this year!!