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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if people ever say that stuff in rl?

60 replies

threesocksmorgan · 29/01/2013 10:48

just lurked on a thread where there are a lot of bigoted posts.
made me wonder if people are so quick to say stuff that is so vile in rl.
as in racism/disablist stuff. ir is it just on the internet that they do it

OP posts:
Peachy · 29/01/2013 14:40

me degree

I mean MY degree

LMAO, that's a classic typo if there was ever one!

TapirBackRider · 29/01/2013 14:40

Come work beside me OP, there are plenty of nasty bigoted arseholes who say this stuff as if it were truth.

Peachy · 29/01/2013 14:41

Plodder whilst I've no desire to make this all about you, would you put racist or homophobic in the same quotation marks?

SolidSnake · 29/01/2013 14:46

Peachy That is so so awful, i'm sorry Sad

EasilyBored · 29/01/2013 14:47

Can I ask a question? I feel that MN has kind of opened my eyes to the shittness that disabled people face every day and though I was always a leftie through and through, my hatred for the Tories has reached whole new levels with the cuts and slashes they are making left right and centre...

BUT - as a totally able bodied person, if I saw someone mouthing off to a person with disabilities/a carer, or being rude/aggressive etc, is it condescending for me to tell the person to piss off and try and stand up for the disabled person/their carer? I wouldn't mean to do it in a condescending way, but part of me thinks that everyone needs to challenge crap behaviour when they see it. MN jury?

Peachy · 29/01/2013 15:03

Thanks solid, it was while ago but appreciated X
Easily personally I would be grateful though I guess we all vary; I panic a bit when cornered and anyone stepping in is a bonus.

Peachy · 29/01/2013 15:13

Also- plodding person- and don''t worry, am off school running soon so will be gone- difference of opinion is fine but quite of ten I will have people telling me that disabled people and carers are not scared of the cuts or being adversely affected.

But I am- worry about my boys keeps me awake most nights.

So that's not an opinion to, it's my truth, and when people try and tell me the opposite of what I know to be true I REALLY hate it. That's not debate, it's just bloody rude. The cuts ARE adversely affecting my life and the lives of people I know. Bigotry is out there and vicious. And to say otherwise is bollocks. Not a difference of opinion but dismissive

flippinada · 29/01/2013 15:20

YANBU.

Lots of people become ever so brave when confronted with a keyboard and feel free to say all sorts of horrible things. I'v long held the opinion that some people ought to have their fingers taped together before being allowed near a keyboard...

The way society is going, with people feeling free to give vent to opinions they previously would have held in check or thought twice about - it's so awful. And people who have a disability are being targeted. Just horrible.

flippinada · 29/01/2013 15:22

Niceness, decency - both are just surface deep where a lot of people are concerned. IME.

Original poster
threesocksmorgan · 29/01/2013 15:23

EasilyBored IMO no it wouldn't be.
we should all defend the vulnerable.

OP posts:
WhoeverHeardOfAWormskinRug · 29/01/2013 15:24

#heardwhilstdisabled on twitter is an eye-opener.

Said to me, by lone parent adviser at jobcentre:

"they can't be THAT disabled, they aren't in wheelchairs"

"can't you just pretend to the childminder that they don't have Autism?" (when I mentioned that the local childminders didn't have space for SN children due to their extra needs)

Peachy · 29/01/2013 15:34

Have had that too about childcare. Thing is, Cms were happy with my 2 non violent asd kids, I an hardly criticise their not wanting my violent one can I?

Even before the nursery looking at running after school was told by other parents they would if ds1 was allowed in....

Not that I blame them btw; love ds1 dearly but under no illusions. Now at stage where he can;t be alone but is too old for CMs / after school clubanyway so a whole new challenge!

A charity is starting an after school club in my city for sn kids but whilst ds1 and ds3 can go as at SN School, no way of getting ds4 there as 8 miles from the local school. Luckily DH works from hoe now because frankly there were no ways around it all. School runs are fine but four DIFFERENT school runs of up to 10 miles are not so fine.

GooseyLoosey · 29/01/2013 15:43

About a year ago, ds was attacked by a dog. For a while, the facial injuries were quite startling because of stitches and bruises. To this day, I cannot get over how people stared, people I thought I knew, and how they thought it was alright to make comments. I would never have believed that people would do that - sneaky glances yes - but direct comments, no.

On the other hand, my dad is in a wheelchair and generally, people are nothing but helpful. Patronising often, but still helpful and kind.

dottyspotty2 · 29/01/2013 15:52

Sadly I don't think things will ever change if anything people are worse now than when I was growing up in the 70's early 80's tell you for why lack of respect that is in our society a me me me attitude if affects you bugger the ones lower on the food chain so to speak stinks IMO.

Original poster
threesocksmorgan · 29/01/2013 16:38

we get a lot of staring, kids are the worse, but I am always shocked when adults think it is ok.
but have to say most people are kind and nice to dd, maybe it is her 6ft brother luring near her :o

OP posts:
FanFuckingTastic · 29/01/2013 16:47

Does Munchaussens by proxy get mentioned a lot then towards parents of disabled children? I had my first experience of it a month ago on a passive aggressive status by someone I thought was my friend, I guess basically accusing me of making up my own disability and my daughter's. I cried for days afterwards because to say that I was making my daughter ill when I've been trying for so long to get help because of her behavioural issues was a bit of a kick in the teeth.

Simply because I posted a bit too often my worries about health and such I guess. Made me really question whether to use facebook as a source of any support at all, but I solved it by joining groups specific to my child's disability and keep most of my health stuff in my own group set up with other friends who have long term chronic pain conditions, who understand about invisible illness like Fibromyalgia and such.

Original poster
threesocksmorgan · 29/01/2013 16:48

FanFuckingTastic that is awful, so glad you found a group.

OP posts:
Catchingmockingbirds · 29/01/2013 17:10

fanfucking yes DS's father accused me of munchaussen (or FII now) when I explained that DS was being assessed for ASD. He then phoned SS and reported me on this basis. Nothing came of it as the social worker phoned DS's head teacher who initially made the referral to the educational psychologist and she confirmed that I wasn't making it up and DS needed intervention as he displayed such strong ASD characteristics and needed the extra support in school.

Catchingmockingbirds · 29/01/2013 17:13

I've since had people saying I'm making it up; DS's paternal grandparents told DS after he was dx that he didn't have an ASD and I was making it all up. My own mother also claims that I'm making it up, despite not having any contact with DS.

FanFuckingTastic · 29/01/2013 17:13

Me too, today hasn't been a great day for me with regards to her behaviour, her teacher has called home Monday and Tuesday about her behaviour on Fri/Mon/Tue and she's been either attached to her teacher's side or getting up to no good, hit one child with a big wooden egg timer and bruised his hand, hit/kicked another child and spat in another child's face. She's ran off from adults and hidden from them when not allowed to do things because she's in trouble.

Completely blanking me when I try to talk about it. No idea what to do here except have the teacher write it out and send it all in to the Paed.

WilsonFrickett · 29/01/2013 17:23

I think the internet has made disablism easier and there are a lot of people who will say things from behind their keyboard that they wouldn't say in RL. Doesn't mean they aren't thinking it though.

What's more depressing over the last year or so is the constant chorus of 'but Cameron is right, the country can't afford to pay DLA / can't afford to fund a TA / can't afford to pay for the basic human dignities that make our fellow citizens' lives bearable.' And that actually scares me more. There's always been cretins in the world, but it seems to be spreading to 'reasonable' people. It makes me think of that 'they came for the xyz, and then they came for me' poem on almost a daily basis.

Catchingmockingbirds · 29/01/2013 17:30

Wilson, do you realise that in your post discussing disablism, you've used a disablist term?

WhoeverHeardOfAWormskinRug · 29/01/2013 17:35

What catchingmockingbirds ? "Cameron"

as in, someone so far up their own arse that they've turned into Cameron?

btw: I know you meant "cretin" which I thought was out of common usage these days?

WilsonFrickett · 29/01/2013 17:38

I wasn't aware, no Blush but happy to be enlightened.

Catchingmockingbirds · 29/01/2013 17:50

Haha, Cameron! :o

Like 'spastic' and 'mongo', it's still used in a derogatory and offensive fashion.

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