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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not control cry my toddler?

21 replies

DaisyDoodle · 28/01/2013 22:23

She's started sleeping badly, keeps waking up about 10pm. I've already had to do controlled crying to get her to sleep. AIBU to pick her up and bring her into bed with me? Even if it means my DH and I have no grown up time together?
How can I resist her standing up in her cot for almost an hour screaming 'Cuddle mummy'?

OP posts:

TheDarkSideOfTheSpoon · 28/01/2013 22:28

Personally, I couldn't resist that at all. DD1 comes into our bed if she wakes at night and is at all upset or scared. Sometimes she can be soothed back to sleep but usually the quickest solution for sleep all round is a lovely cuddle in our bed.

I suppose it depends on your options on bed sharing, I live having a bed full of toddler and baby so I'm not bothered by her waking but others may disagree and take a different approach.

Do what feels right for you.

TheDarkSideOfTheSpoon · 28/01/2013 22:29

Opinions not options. Although options may be relevant too I guess!

katiecubs · 28/01/2013 22:30

How old is she and any idea why this has suddenly started?

I wouldn't bring her into bed tbh as i would be worried about getting her back out again and i sleep badly when i have my toddler in bed (if he's ill or whatever).

stuffthenonsense · 28/01/2013 22:31

Oh poor little thing. Do what feels right to you. Stuff everyone else's opinion, they aRe so dependant for such a short time

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 28/01/2013 22:32

So give her a cuddle, then say goodnight & leave...? Why does it mean you have to take her into your bed?

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 28/01/2013 22:33

That didn't mean to sound so harsh, sorry

BubblegumPie · 28/01/2013 22:33

My DD is two and has always slept with us, we love it. Other people swear co-sleeping is the devil's work. Horses for courses and all that.

You don't need MN to tell you how to raise your child, do whatever you want.

yummumto3girls · 28/01/2013 22:33

You can say "yes mummy will give you a quick cuddle but then it's time to sleep in your cot!" try to give her a hug without lifting her out of the cot. Unless she is poorly or out of sorts I would not get in to this, it's ok in the short term to catch up on sleep but at some point you will have to put her back.

BertieBotts · 28/01/2013 22:33

How old? If she wakes at 10pm surely that's before you go to bed anyway, so can't you resettle her in her own bed and then go to bed afterwards? When this was DS' only wake up time he was in a single bed so I just got in with him. He usually fell asleep quickly when I was there. If I fell asleep, well, it was nearly my bedtime anyway so I just moved into my own bed as soon as I realised!

But YANBU to take her into bed with you if that works for you.

BertieBotts · 28/01/2013 22:34

Also I don't really understand why you and DH have no adult time unless she goes to bed at 9pm and wakes at 10?

steppemum · 28/01/2013 22:35

have you tried all the obvious:
is she cold?
filling a nappy?
just started potty training (loads of people comment on how they start waking up at night, I think it is related to weeing in their nappy)
you and dh come up to bed and noise disturbs her?
room is dark and scary when she wakes?
room is too light so sleep is disturbed?

I know that sounds daft, but sometimes the cause is so obvious it gets missed and then the waking up stops.

SirBoobAlot · 28/01/2013 22:36

Cuddle her. If she needs you right now, then do it.

Pandemoniaa · 28/01/2013 22:37

I couldn't leave a toddler standing in her cot calling out for a cuddle for an hour. In fact, I couldn't leave her doing that for five minutesl. But there's no need to assume that the only solution is to take her into your bed. Instead, go into her, comfort her and try and settle her back to sleep.

steppemum · 28/01/2013 22:38

my dd wa solder and in single bed, but I when she started waking in the night I lay down next to her and when she had fallen asleep again, I slipped out.

forgottenpassword · 28/01/2013 22:38

Do what makes you happy. Co-sleeping is no good if you can't sleep or Dh not happy (or not done safely of course). But otherwise it's only a problem if you perceive it as one. It can be wonderful. You should not do cc unless you want to and it sounds like you don't want to.

5madthings · 28/01/2013 22:40

I have never been able to leave mine to cry, they are only little once and they all sleep on their own eventually.

Original poster

DaisyDoodle · 28/01/2013 22:48

She's nearly 2, but I've been consistently controlled crying for weeks!
She is too wriggly/sideways for my husband to sleep in our bed too.

OP posts:

5madthings · 28/01/2013 22:50

If you have been doing it for weeks I would say its not working. What about a gentler method? Rapid return?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 28/01/2013 23:13

YANBU at all.

However, my ds was dreadful at going to sleep as a baby and we pandered to him. I am now the proud owner of a ten year old who can't fall asleep on his own and it's a blooming pain

I really wish I had nipped this in the bud when he was little.

Right, need to try and creep out of his room now without waking him

queenofthepirates · 28/01/2013 23:26

Hmmm... it's a tricky one, has she got something in her bed as a comforter? I did do CC from 6m and it worked wonders but my DD has a bed full of toys that she can cuddle and scraps of fabric she holds to as she goes to sleep that have been down my bra (HV's advice so they smell like mummy).

I would persist but make sure she has something to hold onto to reassure her that mummy loves her and it's safe to go back to sleep.

HopAndSkip · 29/01/2013 00:17

I would definitely give her a cuddle personally. Is there any way of getting her to fall asleep in your bed then taking her back to the cot asleep or is she a light sleeper?

I co-sleep, but I'd be a bit wary trying to do it as a one off incase it's expected every time, maybe reserve it for when she's poorly?

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