To be fed up with dd's nursery or pfb

[ScariestFairyByFar]

Dd has been going to her nursery since she was 9 months, initially they were great gave lots of verbal feed back and had communication book. They only use the book during settling in so it stopped after a few months. I asked for it to continue but they said they prefer to do verbal feedback. I've found the verbal feedback to be pretty thin on the ground usually the bear facts 'oh she's had a good day, slept for x time, ate all her lunch' and when pressed on what shes actually done you get a brief 'oh we were in the garden' etc I hadn't pushed it but have noticed over the last week other people getting much more feedback, lots of wee stories etc about how the day has been. Dd seems happy at nursery, but this is bugging me. She's a happy cheery wee girl but I'm beginning to wonder if the staff don't like her for some reason or if she's getting lost.

You should be able to ask for a meeting with her key worker to discuss her progress and find out properly how she is doing. Go with a list of questions, and ask them if they could provide more feedback at the end of each day - positive or negative. The meeting should be very friendly, with all adults wanting the best for your DD. If you have cause to question whether they have DD's best interests at heart, consider changing nursery.

They should be doing a learning journey, with regular observations of what she's doing. Have you seen that?

Thanks it's just a feeling I'm getting. Should have added the only piece of info I've had recently is that she's been pushing a lot she's a toddler of course she pushes sometimes!

Yes have seen folder it says she can't do things she does easily at home and has been doing for months, she also won't really speak at nursery but has about 30 words at home

Her folder shouldn't be listing the things she can't do What a negative why to do it!

Is her keyperson just not very chatty?

Sorry it doesn't say what she can't do its got check lists and the things she can do aren't ticked but they say she doesn't do them in nursery. No key person isn't chatty & I rarely see her its a small nursery so very much a team approach

that folder you need to talk to the keyperson about it, as if she can do it at home and you have the evidence, then it should be ticked.

Also not all nurseries do learning journies?

How old is DD 2?

I think I would pick one of the things they say she's not doing at nursery, advise them she is doing it at home and will they please encourage it at nursery. Then every night or other night depending on what it is, specifically ask for feedback about it.

That way there is more communication opening, might lead to, well X didn't really happen, instead Y did.

I don't think your pfb to want to know what's going on in a quick chatty way, the book wud have been pfb if its not what other kids get but just asking a few questions is fine.

Children don't always do everything at nursery that they do at home, and even if they do it won't always be noticed - the staff just can't concentrate on your child the way you can at home. I know my DS does stuff at home that they haven't documented in his diary at nursery because they just can't possibly follow him round all the time listening to everything he says But his keyperson has asked me a couple of times about things he is interested at home so I have been able to say, "oh yes, he can count up to 14 and his favourite book is X".

If she were unhappy you'd know about it, children her age don't hold back or put on a brave face. So if she is settled and happy the staff will think there's wee DD, happy as larry and no bother. You are not reacting like she is a pfb, of course you want to get feedback and hear about her day. After all you are paying for her to be kept safe but also to be in a stimulating environment. Is theirs the only such nursery in town, what made you choose this one? Do they get complacent with parents who don't challenge or speak up? This is great practice for when DD enters pre school and Reception, when you'll strike a balance between interested approachable parent and she-who-shouts-loudest-gets-heard.

Do you ever ask questions? Maybe you have given the staff the impression that a quick chat is enough. ( Please don't take offence by this, its just an idea of why they might keep it brief)

Please remember though that staff can't stand about talking to parents for too long each night other wise who would be watching the other children.

I would make an appointment with the key person though and have a good chat, will put your mind at rest and mention how you are really intested in what she has been doing throughout the day and could a little more feed back be given at hometime

I don't think every parent can expect a long conversation each night and to be frank, I really wouldn't have wanted one. Often, if a child is fine, then they are that - fine. They've not done anything particularly spectacular that day, but then, they've been quite happy, and you know that they've eaten, etc.

I agree with Sam that it is really common for children to do something inone situation and not another, too - so may do things at home they don't do at Nursery.
All that said, It would be perfectly reasonable to ask to make an appointment for a longer chat one night - ask in advance so they can ensure they are within ratio. Not sure if there is anything to be concerned about with her speech, as you've not said how old she is, but that's something you could raise.

YANBU. It sounds like her key worker is rubbish to be honest. Is there a manager you can talk to instead? There is a team approach at the nursery my two are at and it works well as its small. I would be worried about how happy she is if she isn't talking there but is at home. It may be normal but they need to make sure she is getting attention and being encouraged.

YANBU the key person should be able to update you regularly. I think the way they look at what they can't do is really pants to be honest. Children don't always do what they can actually do in nursery, however I would want to know that and how they encourage language.

Well your key person should be updating you properly every visit. That doesn't mean a long chat just even a particular goal they were looking at that day and what your daughter did/enjoyed/achieved. Perhaps if they've done something new that she enjoyed give you ideas on how you can extend that at home etc. As for the folder are there any observations in there? Have you been asked to do home observations? They cannot mark a goal as achieved on the EYFS if they don't have the evidence, it doesn't mean that she can't do it, just that they haven't seen it at nursery. I would tell her key person that you would like some more detailed feedback on how your dd is doing.

Agree with Nailak my DDs keyworker asked me specifically "Can DD do so and so" about one thing...something like recognse a street sign and I said she could and keyworker said "I knew she'd be able to...I just haven't ad the opportunity to see it..." and she ticked it.

I would begin asking questions like "WHat has DD enjoyed most of all today?"

On the fence with this one. At the DDs' old nursery, we'd get a whole written report of what they'd been up to. Then one day I picked one of them up at 2. The nursery staff were writing in the books: they did it while the babies were napping after lunch. "In the afternoon they did x" was just complete rubbish. DD2's current nursery do the whole "she's had x amount of sleep", but they do have learning journey folders. I get a lot more information from the three minute chat with the keyworker than I ever did with the diary at the old place.

I wouldn't worry about the tick-boxes. DS1's old nursery had several huge discrepancies between what he could do at nursery and what he could do at home. When I mentioned it, it turned out that he was refusing point blank to count to ten, for example, and sniggering like mad every time he got it wrong.

They knew perfectly well he was winding them up, but they had to tick the box to show what they had seen, not what they suspected he was capable of doing.

His cousin used to get colours wrong on purpose with his gran - it was just a game he liked to play with her for some reason.

I had a chat with key worker tonight who happened to be the person who came to the door. I asked her how dd had been and she said fine so I took it a bit further and asked what she'd been up too, she said she wasn't sure . At which I got quite annoyed and launched into a bit of a rant ooops. But she took it all on board and said she's make sure I got more feedback, she took on board that it hadnt been great, but kept going on about how busy it gets! I also said I thought they needed a diary/note system as several messages I have left with the owner haven't been passed on, the owner always does the welcoming in the morning.

I think YABU for expecting feedback every day. When I worked at several different nurseries, we never gave a report every day unless there were specific issues. However, her key worker should be knowing what she's doing, not every second of every day but have an idea!

can you not just take photos?

at our nursery we have a special book in which photos from home and nursery are put in