To think some babies just don't sleep

[ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay]

DD is 8 months and has never slept for more than 3.5 hours. She still wakes for food at 10pm, 2am and 5.30-6am. I go back to work soon and am feeling a bit desperate about this.

I am therefore bringing the barrage of advice on myself but still, it's starting to get to me. Everyone interrogates me about her routine, eating, napping etc and everyone has advice. Or just badgers me to go to the dr.

Recently some research has rehashed some findings that the press has translated into either 'breast feeding is to blame for babies not sleeping through' or 'over attentive mums should leave them to cry'.

The actual data is pretty weak, but certainly the breast feeding thing does seem supported by the research. But I'm not wanting to kick off a bun fight.

What the research says is that at 6 months about 1/3rd of babies do not sleep through any night of the week. This they label 'problem sleep'. Which in fairness it does feel like a problem for me but if a third of babies do it then surely it's not that weird?!

Anyway, comments on mumsnet by posters with, for example, 3 DCs, 2 perfect sleepers, 1 who just didn't sleep, have kept me sane.

I really am starting to believe that some babies just don't sleep that well. Like some adults. And it's not that I am doing something 'wrong' or that there is anything wrong with DD.

And yes, I've had her checked for glue eat, read the millpond book etc etc.

So, AIBU to give up trying and hope she grows out of it? Or do people think there are things you can do to 'fix' or 'treat' non sleepers, as the books would have us believe?

Ds is 2.5 and growing out of it. I have given up all training ages ago and he is improving on his own (which apparently they will NEVER do, according to the sleep gurus). I inwardly roll my eyes at the 'your mistakes' people. It really is easier to not discuss it with people unless you know they are going to be sympathetic and just listen.

Have you seen this website? www.isisonline.org.uk/

I agree some just don't sleep. I had always been told DS1 was a 'good sleeper', I didn't see that tbh, he slept from 11pm-5am, then after 6 months 9-8AM.

Then came DS2

He just cried a lot, normal birth, home 4 hours after, he just cried and cried, I remember one day saying to my mum 'what's wrong with him you try' and handing him over to her, she had no idea and gave him back.

She had 3 of us. So I thought she should have known.

GP suggested allergy to breastmilk Started him on Soya

no change, my mum likes to remind me of the night about 3 weeks after he was born me texting her telling her 'I'm taking him back to the hospital to find out whats wrong and if they don't fix him I am leaving him there' she came up and found me in the livingroom on a sofa bed with 8 bottles lying around and me crying.

It wasn't just at night, even if I went to visit a friend to sit down without him crying I had to push the pram back and forward with my foot! I loved his battery operated swing, sadly he started throwing himself out of it...

Anyway, I got used to his 3 hours sleeps, he finally slept his first night at 4 or 5 years old, I checked to see he was still alive etc and woke him but after that he seemed to sleep.

My thinking was he was so used to waking he couldn't help it? He sleeps well now and only wakes if he has a nightmare, he has been tested for ADHD, ASD, but apparently he is just active, very active! He is the same now, he doesn't stop, takes 5 mins to be fully dressed for school, 5 mins breakfast on way to school within 15mins... in after school, he gets undressed halfway up path His clothes must be ready to change into or he will go demand to play in his uniform, thankfully he seems to switch off around 9pm each night.

you know what op, you're spot on

some babies will do anything other than sleep

mine are now teenagers and sleep all night ()

I was a great mum when they were small, did everything recommended, followed a routine, tried cc, blahblahblah

nothing bloody worked, they hated sleeping..unless it was in my bed, thats the only thing that worked so they slept in with me for years

dont listen to the smug who think the fact their babies sleep is somehow down to them - IT ISNT!!!

If its a problem for you as you are going back to work then try controlled crying. Lots of bollocks spouted by lots on here but it saved my sanity.

And no some children don't just sleep through, others do. It's bloody luck.

Some need to be trained and some don't.

You have to go to work so you need to sleep. Give it a try.

AND i KNOW THIS IS SEXISt oops sorry, but IME boys are usually worse sleepers than girls, they are just more active earlier on and dont know what to do with themselves

my Dd3 was up 6 times on a good night!! for milk we tried everything. Nothing worked not routine, night bottle weaning co-sleeping, we never left to cry we just dont agree with it. she was ill and in hospital a few weeks ago with breathing problems and since she got better approx 2 weeks ago she has slept all night every night from 8pm to 7:30am (once 10:10am) she still falls asleep in my arms and sleeps on couch untill i go to bed with her but isnt up once she still has a bottle of milk asleep lol its not ideal or perfect but were getting there and gegting sleep so things do get better. it never helps when friends are raving the baby has slept right through every night from early on. best advice i have is do whatever works for you and baby to get sleep

Ds is doing great now thanks, he had RSV but we came home yesterday and he is completely back to normal, its amazing how babies bounce back.

We have bought a breathing monitor because I'm so rubbish at sensing when he needs me.

My 4.5yo DS has NEVER slept through the night, 7 month old DD sleeps through. I have treated them both the same. Some babies just don't sleep

My dd still had a 2am and 5 am feed at 8 months (she was fully weaned) and still has a small three oz drink at 4ish occasionally now and she is 18 months. There are things you can try but you have to decide what is right for you. I tried shushing and rubbing my dd's tummy to see if I could settle her back to sleep before giving her the milk. That worked for one of the feeds and she dropped one of them. I also cut down the amount of milk I was offering her because she had started refusing milk feeds in the day and taking lots at night, Giving her just a couple of ounces meant that she still settled but she took her milk properly in the morning. Im not sure how you go about doing that if you are breast feeding though. The best thing I did was move her into her own room (also the worst, because I loved having her sleep next to me) I think we disturbed her (hubby snores and I sometimes talk in my sleep) she started to sleep for longer once she was in her own room. Good luck whatever you decide to do x

sSD. Actually the research did find boys worse than girls, so not sexist necessarily.

I just ignore that as i have a non sleeping girl.

The research also says maternal depression correlates with not sleeping hut helpfully points out that it is hard to establish whether this causes poor sleep in babies or is caused by poor sleep in babies. No shit sherlock.

OP Looking back, the doctor wasn't really a help for us for most of the time. In hindsight it really was quite bad, but because he was putting on weight throughout those years, the doctors really weren't that concerned.

Given that your DD is only 8 months, I wouldn't worry too much at this stage unless there are other things that don't seem right. I don't think it's particularly unusual to have a baby of this age not sleeping well yet.

Good luck :)

My DD was bottle fed and a terrible sleeper. She is now 8 and still needs less sleep than the average child (although she does sleep through once she is asleep :)) My DS was ebf for 12 months and a fabulous sleeper, so my experience blows the boy/girl, bottle/breast theory right out the water.

No, you are NBU. Both of mine (bf) slept through beautifully until about 4/5 months. Then not again until (in dd1's case) started school. Dd2 (7 months) is snoozing on my lap atm, after several failed attempts to get her to stay asleep in her cot. Usually votesdown ok but teething and recovering from a cold. Will try again in a mo.

MIL assures me it isn't my fault and that dh was a so and so too. He still isn't much of a sleeper. DD doesn't do the grizzle and conk out thing - goes straight for full on screaming!

Am not too unhappy about the situation. As long as we manage to get some of the evening to ourselves is ok. If she wakes in the early hours then the path of least resistance is to bring to bed, feed if necessary and cuddle to sleep.

It did take me a long time to be so 'zen' about the situation though. Incidentally, have never understood how anyone can 'put the baby down for a nap'. How on earth does that work? Mine requires feeding/cuddling and a warm body, or the sling/pram. Only very occasionally can I put her down and she stays asleep.

Apparently the idea that anyone, even adults, should sleep through the night is a relatively recent idea. In the 17th century the advice was all about the sort of thing you should meditate on when you work up in the middle of the night. Apparently we all ought to be lying there at 2am thinking about our place in the world...

I wanted to slap my friend the other day when she implied it was my fault ds still wakes up every three hours at 15m. I have 2 dc's, she's pg with her first. But of course her baby will not be allowed to " get away with such nonsense" and will be left to cry from 3m if they are not sleeping through. Poor poor child

I didn't read all the posts, but my DD was a very bad sleeper. I used to think that she was a super-genius, so instead of sleeping, she was awake solving differential equations. Actually, she really is very intelligent (she's not 10, and still needs less sleep than me, and has no problem getting up at 6 am to practise her musical instruments before going to school).

So this is what I tell parents of babies that don't sleep well: It's because the babies are super-geniuses and are doing extra learning while they are awake at night.

On the other hand, my DS (second born) slept so well. He would still wake up every few hours for the first few weeks and sometimes at night later on (I BF him for 12 months), but he was such a good sleeper compared to my DD that I couldn't believe that such good babies could exist. He went to sleep sucking his thumb, and used that to go back to sleep at night.

Yes, different babies are different. I wish every parent could get at least one baby that doesn't sleep, so they would keep all their advice on routines, correct feeding, etc etc to themselves.

I should have written she's now 10, not "she's not 10"!

Isthis - you say all sorts of crap before you have a baby. I thought I would be a 70's style, leave them to cry type but couldn't do it once he was here

I found that night weaning helped my DD sleep through at about 14 months. Still waiting for DS (just turned 2) to sleep more than 2-3 hours!

Whatever you do love, don't beat yourself up over it, it's not what you do but who they are I think, they are their own little people from the word go. I had one that didn't sleep through the nite for at least the first 6-7 years, night terrors, sleepwalking, is now 10 and still has phases of disruptive sleep patterns...other one slept thru from day one, much to my bafflement, is still a huge sleep monster at 8 and loves nowt better than a wee power kip esp on weekends after lunch, he will slope off for a crafty snooze...I think they came pre programmed and there is bugger all I can do about it! You just do whatever feels right for you and your little un, tweak it as you go, and try not to worry that whatever you are doing isn't the "right thing" good luck chik. Big hugs to you!

I have one who always slept well and one who never sleeps for more than 3 hours at a time and has the odd catnap in the day. I didn't do anything different and both were breastfed - dc2 still is. I was probably one of the smug advice givers before dc2 came along but I have learnt my lesson now!

IME and in experience of other parents I know, most babies don't sleep through at that age. I only know one baby that slept through from early months (8 weeks) but all others, including my two children, stabilised sleeping patterns around 1 year mark. I never thought my two were terrible sleepers, more average sleepers-they did wake up 1-2 times during the night until they were about 12 mo, BUT feeding them put them back to sleep with 100% success rate. Terrible sleepers would be the babies who not only wake up, but also cry and cry for no apparent reason or wake up every night and won't go back to sleep no matter what.
To be honest, I do feel that breastfeeding did play a part in my two not sleeping through until 1yo.