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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at my friends about my birthday?

31 replies

FadingSparkle · 28/01/2013 16:38

Had a birthday meal out on Saturday evening. Altogether there was 7 of us (including me).

We all live quite close to each other, and I sent everyone a text on the Wednesday and said we'll be getting the 7:00 bus from this stop, see you all there. Easier to get the bus as it runs frequently, its cheaper than a taxi and means we can all have a drink and not worry. We always get the bus whenever we go out for a few drinks too.

On Saturday morning, one of my friends text to say she would give me a lift as she wouldn't be going out drinking. I replied that thanks very much for the offer but you wouldn't be able to fit all the people in the car and I didn't want to be unfair by making others get the bus.

She then didn't text back until 6:00 saying sorry only just got your text, already text everyone who is going. Cue all my friends but 1 saying they are now getting a lift and will see me there. Knowing that I was still getting the bus.

I know it's silly to be upset but I turned down the offer of a lift as I thought it wouldn't be fair to everyone else, and then if it hadn't been for a friend running late I would have had to get the bus by myself whilst everyone else went together.

Just put me in a bad mood for the evening.

OP posts:

ihearsounds · 28/01/2013 16:41

Don't blame your mates tbh. Standing a bus stop, freezing, possibly getting wet.. Or getting in a car.. I know which I would have chosen.

lurkedtoolong · 28/01/2013 16:43

I would have taken the lift too sorry. I think you are being u to try to control how people travel to a night out.

Original poster

FadingSparkle · 28/01/2013 16:44

Yes I would have chosen the car too, but it meant that 2 of my friends would have been left out and I like to think of myself as a good friend so I politely declined.

OP posts:

Aspiemum2 · 28/01/2013 16:46

I can see why you're annoyed? You were trying to be nice and others weren't as thoughtful as you.
Don't let it annoy you though, you all ended up at the same place which was the intention anyway.
Just remember to take the lift next time

Aspiemum2 · 28/01/2013 16:47

Random extra ? Mark there, sorry!

pictish · 28/01/2013 16:47

This is the sort of thing that woud happen to me!

Um...yanbu....BUT I think it may be time to stop judging people by your own standards, and realise that folks are basically selfish and looking out for number one.
You should do the same. It's the only way.

Original poster

FadingSparkle · 28/01/2013 16:48

I'm not trying to control anything lurked

Thanks Aspiemum I'll definitely be taking the lift next time

OP posts:

OnwardBound · 28/01/2013 16:59

But you are being controlling - you are dictating that either everyone gets a lift to your party venue or no-one does.

I think most people would respond with gratitude to the offer of a lift in the cold and wet. You were also offered a lift so it's not as if you were left out of this kind offer.

I think you perhaps should have shrugged it off and had a laugh about the situation when you got to your birthday celebration - something along the lines of "Hey you plonkers, it's my birthday and I'm the only one who caught a bus here! I get first dibs on a life home!"

Then had a few drinks and revelled in the fact that you have good friends who think enough of you that they want to come out on a miserable January evening to celebrate with you.

When you said the situation put you in a bad mood for the evening what do you mean? Did you suffer silently or let your friends have it with both barrels?

OnwardBound · 28/01/2013 17:00

life = lift, obviously!

FreePeaceSweet · 28/01/2013 17:03

I don't think you're being controlling at all. You were trying to make sure everyone got there together. I think thats nice actually. Its usually me left out of lifts so I would appreciate a friend so fair. However I'm sure they weren't being mean though. Just a tad self involved? No biggy really.

Bejeena · 28/01/2013 17:11

But she offered you a lift which you turned down, you can't grumble really!

Is getting the bus without someone to hold your little hand such a big deal? I don't really see the issue to be honest!

Original poster

FadingSparkle · 28/01/2013 17:13

I can get the bus by myself fine thanks Bejeena

But if everyone else is going in the car, and you are left completely on your one then it's hardly the same.

OP posts:

FunnysInLaJardin · 28/01/2013 17:13

if that had happened to me and my friends we would have all had a laugh about it when we arrived at the restaurant.

Dinosaurhunter · 28/01/2013 17:14

Yanbu

HumphreyCobbler · 28/01/2013 17:16

It would have put me in a bad mood too OP.

Did everyone miss the part where there wasn't enough room for everyone?

Bejeena · 28/01/2013 17:23

Maybe it is something that would bother you, but it wouldn't bother me. As long as they are at the place I am meeting them so I am not sat around like a lemon waiting I couldn't care less how everyone else gets there.

If it really bothers you then mention it to them.

sazpops · 28/01/2013 17:24

Sparkle, no I don't think YABU to be rather miffed that you ended up on the bus while your mates got a lift - but did they realise you'd declined so you could all go together. It sounds to me a bit like crossed wires, I don't think anyone deliberately left you out.

Hope you had a lovely evening anyway and can laugh about it in the future.

Summerblaze · 28/01/2013 17:29

Yes I would have been a bit pissed off tbh. You obviously would have said yes to a lift and organised for everyone else to get one too had there been enough room. There wasn't so you stuck to the original arrangements of all getting the bus, I assume all but the friend with the car.

Is everyone really suggesting that it would have been ok to arrange a night out, arrange meeting up to travel together and then saying to only 2 of the friends, nah ne nah ne nah nah, us 5 are getting a lift now so see you suckers later.

Not on at all.

RubyrooUK · 28/01/2013 17:31

I can see it's annoying to get the bus when others are getting a lift you turned down to be fair, but I don't think it is anyone's fault.

Your friend texted you to offer a lift so she obviously was trying to be thoughtful. She probably also texted the others because she was trying to save more people money/time/standing in the cold. I imagine no-one co-ordinated and knew who was getting the lift and who was getting the bus by that point. I probably wouldn't have checked if I had been going along.

I expect nobody knew you'd turned it down either and just said yes to a lift without thinking. I can see that you were trying to be extremely thoughtful and it backfired, but I wouldn't be annoyed with my friends over this.

Hope you had fun anyway.

PavlovtheCat · 28/01/2013 17:39

YANBU. I would have been pissed off if on my birthday celebration, I got a bus on my own because I turned down a lift, so one or two of my friends did not have to get the bus on their own. those friends who, as it happened, got a lift after all, because I didn't.

So, none of those friends said 'is birthday girl getting the bus on her own? i will wait with her then, you go lot go on'?

Selfish self absorbed people, clearing not thinking about others, certainly not thinking about the birthday girl.

I would, and have done what you have done, and run around making sure people all have lifts, despite the attitude of them being big enough and ugly enough to sort it all out themselves. I hate the idea that someone gets left out while others are 'alright jack'.

patienceisvirtuous · 28/01/2013 17:40

YANBU.

I wonder what your friend would have done if everyone replied with a yes to the offer of a lift? Text one unlucky person back to say sorry, you're travelling alone.

wibblyjelly · 28/01/2013 17:42

yanbu. You turned down the lift as someone would be left out. Its a shame your friends didn't feel the same. Hope you had a nice birthday anyway

sooperdooper · 28/01/2013 17:48

YABU, she offered you a lift first, it would've been selfish of her to not offer the car space to everyone else - I think you're being a bit silly to still be thinking about it tbh

Original poster

FadingSparkle · 28/01/2013 17:59

sooper I don't think she offered me a lift first. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but she said she didn't get my text until later and by that time she had already asked everyone else.

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 28/01/2013 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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