AIBU to sign myself off work for a week?

[IrnBruAddict]

Ok, I think I'm prepared for potentially tough responses... This is a moan/offload so please feel free to ignore or tell me to grow a pair.

I'm on the verge of having had enough. I've had a sore throat/cough/hoarse voice almost continuously since November - sometimes it's only one or two of those three but it's nearly always at least one.

I'm tired. Not just a bit yawny, but struggling to put one foot in front of the other, can't remember what I did yesterday, type tired.

For the last two weeks I haven't been able to hear very well from my right ear (not total hearing loss but nearly). I got olive oil drops from nurse practitioner but they haven't yet worked.

I'm a bit overwhelmed at work. I'm the only person doing my job and I work alone all day in a basement. The work's increasing, not decreasing but there's no chance of getting any help. In fact, it's more likely they'll cut my hours instead of giving me an assistant.

My brother's not well (alcohol abuse). He lives miles away with my parents and getting any info out of any of them is difficult. He's 35 but don't know how much longer he's got. It's hard to be so far away.

My daughters, 1 and 4, don't seem capable of both sleeping through on any one given night. Not always, but 90% of the time it's me who gets up, not DH. If he gets up it's usually because I've nudged him and asked him to (hence I still wake up).

I have been receiving therapy for various issues in my past which seem to have left deeper scars than I once thought. My therapist has been signed off sick since just before xmas, however, and i don't know when she'll be back. I know what's wrong and really hope she gets well soon. From an incredibly selfish point of view though, I'm really beginning to miss her.

I can't talk to my DH about stuff as he simply doesn't understand. He knows about all of the above stuff but still asked me last night, 'everything ok?' after i'd been snappy with the girls. I just said 'fine' as I didn't quite know where to start.

I'm losing the will, frankly, and wondered if i should sign myself off for a week. I'm not very good at asking for help, and feel like i should just continue to get on with it.

If you've made it to the end, well done. AIBU?

YANBU it sounds like you are exhausted and have a lot on your plate. Hope it all gets easier soon.

YANBU, it sounds like you're exhausted and need a break, but make sure it won't affect your job, and that you actually get some rest. Where will your DDs be if you're at home? You sound like you're having a hard time, you do right to stop now before you crash.

YANBU

If you go to your doctors they will be ones signing you off, not yourself.

And if like most places of work, any longer than a week you will need a doctors note anyway.

I hope you feel better soon. Take some time out now whilst you are still relatively healthy and can bounce back, before leaving it to long and running the risk of a potential breakdown.

I don't think YABU, but will having a week off work solve the problem? If your work just piles up while you're away, you'll have an even bigger problem when you go back. It sounds as though there is more to your illness than just the cold/flu symptoms, is there another therapist you can see while you wait for yours to come back? Perhaps you should see the doc to check whether you just have a virus or if there's an underlying infection he can give you something for.

I think you should open up to your OH more too about how you're feeling - can he look after the children for a while to give you a bit of time to nap or go out for a coffee or have a long relaxing bath? Just ' continuing to get on with it' doesn't sound the best option does it, but I know it's difficult to do anything else sometimes.

Best of luck xx

Do it - you are precious and people need you to be well. You dont sound at all "well" to me, it is just harder when ot isnt one specific illness.

If your best friend was in your shoes and asked the same question what would you say?

It sounds like, like me, you're determined not to let everything fall apart and it's having an impact on your health.

Talk to your line manager about what you can reasonably complete. Make the rest their problem.

Next time dh asks, say No and lock yourself in the bathroom for an hour with some bubbles (bath or alcoholic, preferably both) and a book.

And yes, take a few days off to get some rest!

I think you should speak to your GP, you're heading towards disaster. Yanbu to take a week off, although as sazpops said work will still be there, piled up, when you get back.

re your brother. We've been through this mill too, it's hideous.

YANBU - there is nothing more important than good health.

Tbh I would go to your GP if the week was coming to an end and I still felt rough. If you go back without feeling properly cured then it won't be long before you feel unwell again.

And like someone else said, when you return, definitely a chat with your manager about what is manageable or not.

I agree with other posters on here that first of all you need to go to your GP and have some blood tests done to rule out stuff like thyroid problems, diabetes etc... which show an underlying reason for your tiredness

Thanks everyone. I genuinely thought I was going to get a majority verdict of YABU!

My girls would be at nursery/school as I usually work full time.

I have tried to speak to my boss but I think I undersell problems and laugh at the end and say 'anyway, it's all good'. Being what she wants to hear, she's not taken it any further!

I don't really know if much would change in a week but I'm thinking of that course of action as I wouldn't know how to convey to the gp how crap i feel. I'm a bit tired and hoarse... I'm also a bit stressed, but who isn't?

I could see another therapist but there'd be a wait and I don't want to get knocked off my current therapist's list as I really get on with her. I thus thought it best to just wait.

Hmm. Apologies for a second moan!

yanbu - you need a break. However go to your GP as well so that, if you end up needing more than a week or need another break in the near future, it's on record that you have sought help. Nothing worse that signing yourself off for a week and coming down with flu the following week - could be awkward.

Thanks, Crinkle. I've got underactive thyroid and pernicious anaemia but a recent blood test showed they were all under control. Kind of wish they weren't as it might be easier to sort!

Sorry to break the consensus. You need a break, but that's why you get paid holiday. Take some leave.

Yanbu but you need to show your dh this thread I think!

Aside from every other portion of stress in your life (and it sounds like the stress Gods have it in for you) you are not well, and if you're not well, you have the absolute right to take a break and try and recover.

I think you have to take a long look at your circle of influence. Tackle the stuff you can do something about (talk to your DH about sharing night duties - me and mine do one night off, one night on and it seems to work) but you have to try and shelve the things you can't do anything about because it's wasted energy. Saying that, it's very hard not to stress about loved ones...

Is your therapist working for you? I know you like her, but was it helping with you? I may have miss interpretted your OP when you say through therapy you have realised your scars are deeper? I am a big fan of therapy, but I do think that sometimes they can add more stress, or the timing is wrong - maybe a break will help? Maybe not, but be careful of getting too attached to a specific therapist as they are not for life, and the point of therapy is to help you, not to give you a crutch that once removed throws you back into the same problems.

You really need to be more demanding with your GP. If the olive drops haven't worked, book yourself in for a ear irrigation yourself... my DH was told about 5 different things by his GP, booked himself into the ear clinic, he's fine now.

Then there's the boring stuff of eating healthily, getting all your nutrients, maybe some gentle exercise even if it's the last thing you feel like doing.

What are the conditions like in your basement? I don't have a very good image, you need fresh air and natural light, can you take regular breaks out of the gloom?

Most importantly, if you take the week off sick do NOT fill your time with added stress... make feeling better your priority. x

I agree you need to speak to your husband and also your line manager, and possibly your GP.

Are there reasonable adjustments you could request at work to make it less grim (eg not alone, not in a basement?). Do you take your lunch break, eg to go for a walk outside? And the same at home - if husband doesn't wake up at night, could you find another time to get a nap?

Yes take some time off, only you can say it is most appropriate for it to be annual leave or sick leave. Hope you feel better soon.

You sound really under the weather. I think it would be worth asking for some more blood tests - although all the stress you're under is enough to make you feel like this, it is possible there's something else going on too, like a deficiency in something.

You need to look after yourself as well as everyone you love - I learned that the hard way, and am now very ill with CFS/ME.

I don't think you would be wrong to take time off - you are stressed and exhausted - but I wonder would it be possible to take annual leave instead, if you can get some fairly soon? Might be a bit simpler in terms of explaining things to manager etc.

You need to think about your workload unfortunately if you are the only one doing it - can you take time off without getting drastically behind?

Your DH needs to do whatever he can to give you a break at night. If that means you sleep elsewhere (as in, at your mother's or something) then so be it, you need sleep or you will never get back on your feet. The only reason he doesn't wake up at night is because he knows you're on it - if you weren't there he would wake up as his brain would be on alert.

Apart from that you definitely sound like you need a week off (at least). I don't agree with josie that you should take leave - you are unwell and when you are unwell you take sick days, not annual leave. Work is not worth losing your health for, not by a very long shot.

Thank you again everyone for all the advice - and for the different opinion too, Josie!

I think I need to have a serious think about all of this. Someone asked what I would say to my best friend and I know it wouldn't be 'you're making something of nothing; pull yourself together'.

I'll be back at the GP on Wednesday anyway as I need to see them again about my ear so might try and broach everything else and see what they think...

Thank you again everyone, I really do appreciate you all taking time to respond

Do you work for a company with occupational health facilities? They can be suprisingly supportive in this sort of situation.
If not then go see your GP, you may need antibiotics, and if your still crook at the end of the week they will sign you off longer. Good to have it on record.

We are our own worst critic eh Irn? Easy to be gentle to others but not so easy to give ourselves a break.

Glad you're seeing the doctor. Definitely tell them how exhausted you are; concrete examples work best, as tiredness is subjective - for example something that you'd normally take for granted but currently can't manage (my most recent was reading a bedtime story to DD :( the words just didn't work!)

Just remembered something I meant to say about the therapy - sounds like you've got a lot to deal with emotionally and I understand the void you feel when the therapist isn't around, it leaves you vulnerable. I was wondering if maybe you'd consider keeping a journal until she returns - at least, writing down any thoughts about your problems as they occur. Might be worth a try just as a coping strategy. :)

There are lots of kind words and good advice on here so thank you all again.

Re the therapy, it did start to raise lots of issues but I thought that I need to deal with it so it might as well be now. That might have been different had I known how long she would need to be signed off for

How do you feel now fuzzpig? I find it so hard to explain the tiredness as people assume it means that one good night's sleep is all that's needed. I could sleep happily for a fortnight and still only be halfway there I think!

I had dreadful tiredness, falling asleep all over the place, dragging myself round, turned out my thyroid level was 10 times higher than it should be. Make sure your Dr checks that, but I suggest writing a list for your Dr...I never express myself well, so used to playing things down. Good luck, look after yourself.