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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my dsis is taking the mick

10 replies

minimarshmallow81 · 28/01/2013 16:27

My sister has two year old twins and gets a lot of help from our family... Our parents take them whenever they can (every week on our mum's one day off) and our younger sisters practically live at her house. That's great, I'm glad we're such a close family but she seems to expect this level of help and gets very upset when people make plans that don't include helping her with her DDs. In the over two years that they've been alive she hasn't done a full day alone with them, and seems to fear being home alone with them. Her DH works long hours and earns very good money but she complains all of the time about money, despite having a new car every few months and designer clothes for her and her children. Our mum is approaching retirement and gets very tired as she works long hours and isn't in the best of health. She gets two days off work a week and one is spent with the church so the day she has the twins is very hard on her. In August she asked my sister if she could have them in nursery for a half day that day so she (our mum) could get a lie-in once a week and my sister flew off the handle and guilt-tripped our parents into agreeing to have them all-day. She takes them over to our parent's house as early as possible and doesn't give them breakfast before hand, even though they're up for two hours. She'll even bring them if she has a day off work and won't tell our mum this.

I'm going through some personal problems and my DD had to stay with our parents over the new year while I got our situation sorted out. My sister was very upset that our parents had never offered to "give her a holiday" and said that I was getting preferential treatment because I'm a single parent.

AIBU to feel that she gets enough help as it is (perhaps too much) and should stop complaining lest people stop wanting to spend time with her?

OP posts:
KatyTheCleaningLady · 28/01/2013 16:32

Your sister sounds like a right cow!

YANBU

Moominsarehippos · 28/01/2013 16:35

She's got used to it and expects it. Your mum needs to change the rules. Is not on for her to expect/demand so much help with the kids. Well they be going to nursery for a chunk of the week?

minimarshmallow81 · 28/01/2013 16:39

Moomins- They go to a childminder for three days a week, they should be going for longer when they start at a nursery but it's "sooo expensive" (try going without a new handbag whenever you go out and then maybe you could save some money... I may be a little bitter!)

OP posts:
Moominsarehippos · 28/01/2013 16:43

She sounds like a lot of mums I meet at school. Nannies coming out of their ears but constantly whinging and expecting grandparents to drop everything and come running/flying. It sounds like she isn't all that, eherm, 'motherly' towards the kids.

Your mum needs to stop the guilt tripping! She didn't make her have the babies, did she? She is a parent, and like the rest of us, needs to get her priorities right and do the planning/take responsibility. Pah!

minimarshmallow81 · 28/01/2013 17:31

Moomins- But it's so haaard with two...

OP posts:
manicbmc · 28/01/2013 17:36

I have twins and no help whatsoever, even though I lived in the same house as my ex mil.

Your mother needs to learn to stand up to your dsis and tell her she won't be used. If she is coming up to retirement you just know your sis is going to use her all the more.

Retirement should be about having time for yourself not being an unpaid skivvy to entitled children.

StinkyWicket · 28/01/2013 17:37

It is hard with two. I have twins. And a baby. And no grandparents to help out! Shock How do I do, you might wonder, well, I just happen to be SUPER MUM and my DH looks after the kids while I work. When they were littler they were in nursery.

Your mum needs to get a grip tbh and tell her she CAN'T rely on her anymore. Tell your sis that she's joined a NO CHILDREN (very important!) club for her one day off and she doesn't want to provide free childcare.

Unless your sister is depressed, she sound like a spoilt little madam.

BlueberryHill · 28/01/2013 17:42

Seriously, she has never had them on her own for a whole day? Why not? Your mum needs to start saying no.

I have two year twins and a 6 yo DS, I had a lot of help when they were little. However I don't tend to let one person look after them on their own for any length of time (say over an hour) because they are hard work and my parents and ILs are getting old, it is too much to ask of them. I think a day a week with twins for your mum is way too much, half a day if she wishes, only if she wishes is much better. When are they 3 and the 15 hours childcare in term time can kick in, she won't have an excuse then....

Indith · 28/01/2013 17:48

I know of someone who lis like that with twins except hers are 5 now so you'd assume they are fairly decently behaved in public Hmm. But oooh no the person concerned does this that and the other because "she can't do it on her own".

I go Hmm at half these things because they are things I do all the time on my own with my 3 dcs.

Ok I understand twins are hard, they are bloody hard in the early years and I am sure that a pair of 2 yer olds is exhausting but at some point she has to learn to do things with her own children.

aldiwhore · 28/01/2013 17:52

Your sis does sound spoilt but I'm afraid the main offender for this behaviour is your mum. Don't be angry at your sister. Start being angry with your mum. Maybe your mum needs telling.

Your Mum is doing nobody any real favours.

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