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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For someone to put their baby in a car seat at a baby group?

62 replies

Geekster · 28/01/2013 13:03

Hi we recently moved house and I took my DD to a new baby group today. It was like being back at school, people were told to stop talking it was very regimented and this poor lady with a very young baby but him in his car seat just for the last 10mims as it was the only way to sooth him at the time, only to be told it wasn't allowed! She took him out, felt sorry for her as why should she and he was only tiny. I said to her put him back in if you want to I'll stick up for you (as did several others). If it was me I would have told them were to shove it, but as a new Mum like this lady I wouldn't have had the confidence to do it when my DD was that small. I would now and I won't be going back there again.

OP posts:
KatyTheCleaningLady · 28/01/2013 16:14

I've been to a couple of toddler groups where you were expected to play with your child. Fuck that. I'll just take the kid to a soft play place.

I only liked the ones that provided a child-proof room and toys and seats for parents to sit on and chat while keeping one eye on their kids.

I don't need other people telling me how to interact with my kids. Fuck that.

SCOTCHandWRY · 28/01/2013 16:23

YY to what Katy said!

SCOTCHandWRY · 28/01/2013 16:29

I have a long history of detesting mother and baby groups (my DC range from 19 to 2 years old). It started with the first DC, I was virtually ran out of the place of a rail because my then 18 month old was "playing with the toys the wrong way" and this was a problem because the other DC were noticing, and also starting to play with things the "wrong way" (nothing dangerous or violent, just a bit of creative play). That was a taste of things to come, really.

With the 2 year old, I've avoided parent and toddlers altogether, have found a soft play with a loosely organised "toddler morning" and that is fine.

SCOTCHandWRY · 28/01/2013 16:30

*ON a rail obviously

PurplePidjin · 28/01/2013 16:31

I'd go next week, mention it politely to the manager, and try and nab some of the others to go for a coffee with.

But then my SureStart is fab and trying to help me set up a sling meet and nappycino. They also rang the tax credits lot on a special number and sorted all that out for me :o

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 28/01/2013 16:35

A baby really shouldn't be sleeping in a car seat overnight, it's not safe and not good for them. It's an unnatural position and can restrict their airway. As said previously, tilting the mattress would be much better. Who advised you to do that?

Tummy time is a great thing to do for their development and helps prevent a flat head.

OP, sounds like your baby group was rubbish, I'd find another one or start your own.

Loa · 28/01/2013 16:37

IME some staff members can very zealous and ridged with their 'rules' and advice - and sometime there are no actual rules which you find out by speaking to management.

Means different groups run by different staff at same centres can have very different feel.

Though I never got a drink at any center I tried - they all insisted you had to be in differnt room to DC and mine hated being left so even if I tried I got told to go back. I did like play groups more for that reason alone.

oldraver · 28/01/2013 16:39

I bet it was Surestart.....I went to one once....DS was happily playing with the other DC's and halfway through some women came and started waflign on about 'joining in and playing' with DC...He gets that most of the day with me and I thought this was an opportunity for him to play with someone his own age. Apparentely this is not how our Surestart works.

Dont even get me started on the 'gathering round the table to all eat fruit'

Loa · 28/01/2013 16:41

Plus playgroups had chairs which when I was pg was more comfortable though when not heavily pg I'd usually be on the floor with DC at most locations.

Sure star centres like you on the floor - to force you to interact with your DC apparently, though mine never stop interacting when I was sat on chairs.

ElliesWellies · 28/01/2013 17:26

The group sounds dire. Don't go again.

We have a great one locally which is in a huge room with hundreds of toys, and often up to a hundred kids running riot. Parents can sit and drink tea, but you know what? Everyone does keep an eye on their own kids and I have never seen anything worse than the odd push and shove which is on the whole dealt with very well by offending child's parent/carer.

Kids need space to get on with it a bit, and parents need time to relax and chat to other parents. Imho that is the point of a baby/toddler group.

Startail · 28/01/2013 17:43

Tummy time equaled instant ear piercing screaming.

I only tried twice.

I forgot to try at all with DD2.

Haven't noticed any flat heads.

MoodyDidIt · 28/01/2013 18:00

dont even get me started on the 'gathering round the table to all eat fruit'

LOLOLOL old raver had forgotten about that

just sooooooo worthy

and once i got asked to leave because i was drinking from a bottle of diet coke, and wouldn't throw it away Hmm was against their healthy eating policy, apparently. i was a 29 year old mum of 2 at the time FFS

CruCru · 28/01/2013 18:17

My nanny took DS to one where she was told it was for parents only (started a separate thread on this). They do have some funny rules (almost designed to put people attending off).

M0naLisa · 28/01/2013 18:20

I'd have walked out

M0naLisa · 28/01/2013 18:22

I've never been to a weird baby group.

Although the new one I go to is lovely. The guy who runs it is a recovering crack addict. But you woulnt know it. He and his wife are lovely

TandB · 28/01/2013 18:24

It sounds a bit crap, but I'd hazard a guess that the staff have been told to enforce a ban on babies in car seats during the session because they've had people coming along to drink tea and chat and leaving their babies strapped into carseats and crying for the whole session.

There should ideally be some common sense used, but it can be easier to enforce a blanket ban rather than judging each situation as it comes.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 28/01/2013 19:31

This thread makes me feel better. I've been to a couple of weird "Why Aren't You playing With Your Kid?" groups and I always felt like maybe there was something wrong with me. Like I'm a bad mum because I want to take my kid somewhere with toys and maybe I can meet people.

candr · 28/01/2013 21:08

I think it is a shame that the staff sound quite rude there but maybe it is not a sit and chat group.

I have to say we have a brill Surestart here and the staff are truly lovely and do loads of different tyes of sessions for all ages. We did find it annoying during Newbies when they brought in people to do singing as we felt we couldn't chat but was good for parents that may need encouragement in interacting with their LO's.
Maybe you and this other mum could search for a better group together?

libelulle · 28/01/2013 21:13

I knew it'd be surestart! Ours is ok on the whole, but a friend did once get told off for allowing her 9 month old to crawl off during the singing. When we queried thia we were told it was because they needed to learn to sit still on parents laps and concentrate. At 9 months old ffs!

apostropheuse · 28/01/2013 21:35

I have been advised to keep my ds in a car seat to sleep at night times and to only put him down in his car seat at day times rather than being put down flat on his back because he is recovering from rs virus.

Honeytea, were you told this by a health care professional? I've been led to believe this can be extremely dangerous. I know it's not the same scenario, but my granddaughter had to undertake a test to see if it was safe for her to leave hospital to go home in a car seat for a thirty minute journey. She had certainly been born at 35/36 weeks, weighing 2lb 3oz, but was being discharged at term (still only 3lb 7oz mind you). The staff in the unit said it can compromise their breathing.

I know that when my son was recovering from a collapsed lung and has asthma I was told to elevate the mattress by putting in folded towels/blankets etc underneath his mattress.

It just seems very strange advice to be told to do this with the carseat - mind you, maybe advice has changed in the last five years.

Original poster
Geekster · 28/01/2013 21:42

The sure start centre were we used to live was brilliant there were lots of good groups where you were encouraged to talk to other parents while letting your children play and interact with other children and adults, the staff couldn't have been nicer. The we went to this one today. Needless to say we won't be going again. We have got some other groups to try. Just felt so sorry for that new Mum.

OP posts:
gwenniebee · 28/01/2013 21:52

That sounds really weird - poor you and that poor other mum!

Just wanted to stick up for my sure start centre though - it's great, and the one in the next town over is too :)

anothershittynickname · 28/01/2013 22:56

I've found the best playgroups for minding their own business encouraging free play are church run ones.

I was once "told off" for using my mobile at a children's center. I was transferring money to DD1 who was stranded. I said no but would've rather said fuck off you old trout I'm not a child

libelulle · 28/01/2013 23:20

Honeytea, I'd also advise caution re that sleeping in car seat because of RSV. My DS was very prem and one of the tests we had to undergo before being allowed home was the 'car seat test', involving checking that the baby could maintain their oxygen saturations while in the car seat. First time round (admittedly he only weighed just over 3lb at the time) he was grabbed out after about 20 seconds after his sats started plunging down into the 60s. We needed a very complicated (and no doubt not great in terms of the safety of the car seat!) arrangement of blankets underneath him before he could maintain a reasonable airway while in the seat. Car seats put small babies in a position where they find it very difficult to breathe properly, hence the advice about not leaving them in it for too long.

With a big healthy baby, it's not a big problem - hence interfering old surestart trouts in case of the OP. But keeping a baby with RSV in a car seat all night seems a very seriously dubious suggestion.

DeDevilTail · 28/01/2013 23:36

I'm also surprised at the advice to allow baby with RSV to sleep in a car seat. I was warned in no uncertain terms when buying my car seat that baby shouldn't be in it for periods of more than about 90mins as the position means that the baby's lungs cannot fully expand, affecting their oxygen levels. It therefore seems strange that a healthcare professional would advise it.

When my baby had RSV (6 weeks ago), we raised her mattress at one end.

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