Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think thankyou letters should just say nice things and thankyou?

39 replies

BorderBinLiner · 28/01/2013 12:02

DH sent his nieces (aged 6 & 4) for Christmas a boxset of Moomin books and some cute little metal Moomin tins of sweets he'd brought back from Hong Kong.

We got this letter back:
To DD1 + DD2
thankyou For the sweets and the moomine books I cant read them they are too tricky but we licked them. we did not licke the sweets.
love from niece1 and niece 2

AIBU to think thankyou letters should just say nice things and thankyou?
[Background: SIL is rather passive/aggressive/critical at family events so we sense that she will have encouraged being honest about not the correct reading level and 'liking'/'not liking' the present]

OP posts:
Phineyj · 28/01/2013 12:03

That is jolly rude, no YDNBU!

KatoPotato · 28/01/2013 12:04

I'll take them, I adore Moomin!

YANBU, ungratefuls!

PuppyMonkey · 28/01/2013 12:04

No pleasing some folkGrin

maddening · 28/01/2013 12:05

Send back a letter suggesting their mother read them to them?

maddening · 28/01/2013 12:05

Yanbu btw

HilaryClinton · 28/01/2013 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSitChewAceChien · 28/01/2013 12:10

I've obviously spent too much time with DS (5) who is a compulsive licker, because I didn't even realise it should have been 'liked' Grin

Very rude thankyou letter. YANBU.

elliejjtiny · 28/01/2013 12:10

It could be worse. DH's cousin wrote and sealed his thankyou letters before his mum saw them. One of them read:

To Grandma and Grandad

Thankyou for my birthday present that you would have sent if you had remembered.

Love X

FriendlyLadybird · 28/01/2013 12:10

"I cant read them they are too tricky but we licked them" doesn't sound offensive to me. There's never anything wrong with sending something slightly ABOVE the child's level -- it's when you estimate too low that there's a problem!

To say they did not licke the sweets, though, was very rude. I would have insisted my children rewrite the letter had they produced anything like that. (Mind you, I'm afraid I make sure that they spell and punctuate correctly too -- it's always a draft and fair copy in this house).

Fakebook · 28/01/2013 12:11

Oh, I thought they actually meant "lick". They didn't like the sweets? How rude! Yanbu.

nefertarii · 28/01/2013 12:11

It sounds like a Childs honesty.

she is saying theft can't read the book by themselves (which will be true) and they didn't like the sweets (which will be true).

Kids often say things that adults feel is rude. To them they are being honest.

elliejjtiny · 28/01/2013 12:11

His Grandparents were Grin and his mum was Blush

ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay · 28/01/2013 12:11

FFS. She may have well have written 'could try harder'. Rude and a terrible example to the girls. I would go all naive and act as though she couldn't possibly have known what was said,

"look SIL, this is really awkward but i thought you ought to know what your DCwrote in their thank you letter, it was really rude. You might want to check them in future, in case they send something similar to MIL, or someone who won't find it asfunny as we did."

I can out passive aggressive the best of them.

Yfronts · 28/01/2013 12:14

I think the liking bit is quite cute and love it when kids free write.

I have lots of moomins books and think they could be read to a 7 year old but a 9 year old could read it themselves. Means the books will be suitable soon. They should have really thanked you properly but maybe next time you could find something that is more suitable.

MsVestibule · 28/01/2013 12:17

YANBU.

I send presents to my friend's children. Once I bought her DS(then 7) a type of present that would work far better if there were two of them so he could play with a friend. So I posted two. She phoned to say thank you, and said "Why did you send two? He was a bit confused." Fair question, but when I replied "I thought that when his friends came round to play, they could use them." She said "Oh. Well, he doesn't really have any friends come round to play." She might as well have told me it was a shit present and wasted my money.

On another occasion, I sent a book to her baby. Again, she phoned to say thanks, but told me they'd bought the same book for him. Why tell me?

JUST SAY THANKS!

ISeeSmallPeople · 28/01/2013 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeWe · 28/01/2013 12:20

The bit about the books is fine. They couldn't read them themselves, but presumably the parents read them to them and they did like them. Can't see any problem with that. It's honest, nice and probably true. Whereas if they'd writted "Thank you for the books they are great" they may well have been told to put that and hated/not even looked at the books.

We didn't like/licke the sweets. Assuming they didn't mean lick, then I don't really have it as an issue at their age. I might try and have a giggle with their parents so they know to check next year when it starts to look rude.

On the other hand, we as children used to get a present every year from a relative. We'd write back lovely thank you notes saying how much we loved it... Actually none of us liked it, and it either sat in the cupboard until it went out of date, or we gave it away to someone who liked it. It seemed a little ridiculous, I'm sure they wouldn't have minded getting something different.

sparkle12mar08 · 28/01/2013 12:21

ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay - that's a brilliant response, OP please use it!

Original poster
BorderBinLiner · 28/01/2013 12:24

Like MsVestibule this is a JUST SAY THANKS house and over the years we've had to hunt around for the correct phrase and/or facial expression for some shockingly ill thought out gifts.

It's the thought that counts, etc. I don't mind the spellings and looks like they've rubbed bits out and rewritten it so a lot of efforts gone into it.

Am thinking about lifting ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay's paragraph - you're good at this double bluff thing.

OP posts:
Doyouthinktheysaurus · 28/01/2013 12:26

That's made me chuckle to be honest! There's something about the spelling and the honesty that makes me smile.

I know it is rude but it's obviously written by a child and children can be brutally honest.

No way would I have let either of my dses write a note like that though so if the parents were aware they ABVU!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 28/01/2013 12:36

It's the thought that counts Grin at least they wrote! I'd let it wash over me to be honest. I get word processed generic thank you letters that say thanks for the gift then detail other more costly presents at length plus additional descriptions of huge treats and extravagant days out. Am I jealous of that family's spending power, probably but I know which sort of letter I'd rather get. (Your nieces').

HeadfirstForHalos · 28/01/2013 12:39

Send them a note back

"Don't worry about not being able to read the books yet, you're very clever girls and will be able to soon. I have a great idea though, mummy could read them to you for now! It's okay about the sweets, I'm sure mummy will eat them, she looks like she likes sweets a lot."

I wouldn't dare mind Grin

HeadfirstForHalos · 28/01/2013 12:40

"look SIL, this is really awkward but i thought you ought to know what your DCwrote in their thank you letter, it was really rude. You might want to check them in future, in case they send something similar to MIL, or someone who won't find it as funny as we did."

That is goood^

meddie · 28/01/2013 12:44

Haha HeadfirstforHalos. That is the work of a pure evil genius... I salute you :)

OhTheConfusion · 28/01/2013 12:51

Both responses are fab!