to think that if you thought there was sexual abuse going on at a school you would not write an anonymous letter?

[PostBellumBugsy]

My poor friend has had an awful weekend. Someone anonymously accused her son of sexually abusing other boys in the changing room at school. The letter was sent to the headmaster, along with a string of allegations about staff too - but named her son.
The Head is very sceptical, and after premlinary enquiries has found no concerns or issues raised by any boys or staff about my friends son - but has a duty to investigate.
So, if you thought your son or daughter was being sexually abused at school would you write an anonymous letter, after the abuse has apparently been going on for 3 months!!!!!!??????????

Sounds more like someone with a grudge tbh.

Sounds more like someone with a grudge tbh.

God, that is so awful. Has your friend's son been excluded whilst they investigate?

And no, in answer to your question I would;
a) Not write a letter anonymously
b) If I thought it was really happening there wouldn't be time for letter writing I would be straight into the head's office within minutes of school door being open.

Seems a bit odd that the 'concerned' parents sat down and wrote a letter instead?

Resolutely, no my friend's son is still at school - because the Head is so sceptical about it. He showed her the letter and had a quick meeting with her on Friday. She is an absolute wreck though. I've known her for years & we've stayed at hers & vice versa & all been away together & I've never seen her son be sexually inappropriate in any way.

I keep saying to her that I can't believe that abuse would have been going on since the beginning of the autumn term without any of the boys raising it with someone. In this day & age, I just don't believe that could happen.

It does sound malicious. Your poor friend someone did this to me via social services. Some people are just vile and nasty. Has she had any problems with anyone recently? Hope she's ok

You might if the boy you were accusing has parents that would be likely to make your life hell if they knew you had pointed the finger.

You might if you are worried about your own child being bullied because you have disclosed what you know.

However if its a letter full of accusations about staff as well, then that makes it more likely to be some own who just wants to shit stir for some reason.

There would be no reason for whoever wrote the letter to be anonymous. If their child had genuinely been abused they would want it dealt with and the abuser punished. If there are other children being abused and they felt concerned enough to write a letter they obviously want it stopped so would provide their name for further questions. Has your friend fallen out with anyone lately.

Bless her, no my friend couldn't fall out with anyone. She is a bit shy & has two other DCs & works part-time - so she is a drop & run Mum. I don't think she knows hardly any other parents at the school.

Was her son the only childs name mentioned? How does he get on at school? Is he bullied?

Sounds as if it is a malicious allegation. If there was any truth in it, the parents of the other children concerned would have reported this long ago.
Also, the fact that there is a string of allegations about staff makes me think that all together, it's someone's idea of a sick joke.
I can understand how worried and upset your friend and her son must be, but in these cases, these allegations normally fade quickly.

She said that a number of staff were mentioned but her son's was the only specific boys name, although the way it was framed suggested that other boys in the year were involved.

Initially, the Head thought maybe it was a 6th former playing a very poor taste joke, but on reading it through decided the language was too grown up & considered for it to be a 6th former. She did say that the Head was not impressed by the anonymous letter & said it was a cowardly thing to write & also it gave him no recourse to reassure the writer that he was investigating, taking action etc.

I'm not really sure how her son gets on at school, as we've not discussed it in any great detail before. I guess he must get on ok, otherwise she would have said something to me about it. She usually has more trouble with her middle DC!

When you say trouble with middle dc what do you mean? Could it be a parent who that child did something to and wadn't satisfied with the schools handling of the situation? I have known some of these anonymous reporters and they can be sly and nasty.

They are at different schools Missy. Eldest DS is at senior school & middle DC is still at primary. Good thought, but don't think that is it.

Do you know if the letter has been handed to the police at all? I'm not sure they would be able to fingerprint it now though

Involve the police, they will be able to find out who the letter was from.

Crikey, I hadn't thought of that. How would the police find out who the letter was from? If they were able to get a finger print, that would only rule out criminals whose finger prints they have on record.
My friend said the letter was a print out on to an A4 sheet of paper - there was no writing on it at all. How would the police trace that?

I'm not sure why the head master has not contacted the police, very unusual.

quote, to be fair, I don't know if he has or not. He wanted to let my friend know about the letter he had received, as her son was mentioned by name. As I said he was sceptical about it - but I'm still not sure why he would involve the police, or what the police could do?

I think if I mention police to my friend at this stage, she'll be thinking that the police will be investigating her son.

Can you tell me a bit more about what you think the police would do?

Update - for anyone who is interested.

My friend just forwarded me the email she received this morning from the Head Teacher, saying that having spoken to her son & a number of other boys who all get changed for sport at the same time, he concludes that nothing remotely approaching sexual abuse has happened in the boys changing rooms since September & that no boys or staff could think of any sexually agressive thing that my friend's DS had ever done.

Your friend should contact the police, as if someone is targeting her son with such damaging accusations they need to be stopped.

Hope she and her son are doing ok. The worst part I think is the worrying about who has done it. Tell her not to let it take over, paranoia is a horrendous feeling. Whoever did it is obviously very sick and they do not deserve to have her energy, tome or thoughts. Most things like this are done for a reaction, I hope she can find it in her not to give them one. Glad the school is backing her, i wasn't that lucky

"but I'm still not sure why he would involve the police"

There has been serious child protection allegations against members of his staff, i do hope that he hasn't made all of the decisions to keep this quiet, by himself.

He may find that this goes further and it will be a disiplinary issue.

SS should of been informed.

This allegation shouldn't be taken lightly, the person who has done it,needs to be told that this is not a joke.

Problem is Birds, it was an anonymous letter - so the no one can say anything to the person who sent it.

I spoke to my friend last night & she said the Head was very reassuring, as she phoned him once she'd received the email. He said every complaint, anonymous or otherwise, is kept on record, filed & then archived and always taken seriously. He said that all his investigations would be noted, so that if the anonymous complainant did decide to take it further, he would be able to show that the allegations had been fully investigated.

I don't know whether it is well founded or not, but my friend has alot of respect for the Head. Apparently, he has been a Head for just over 20 years, so she feels fairly sure he knows what he is doing.