Re MIL and the day she has DS1

[BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability]

Argh! Yes its a MiL thread...
First of all, I love my MIL, and am actually quite upset that I've heard this second hand from DH. She thinks she has done something to upset me so didnt want to talk to me about it and instead asked DH.

DS1 is 2.3 and has just started nursery (welsh flying start programme). At the moment I do a course on a monday, where he goes into a creche, so I thought that tuesday, thursday, friday were good days for nursery for him (no more than two days in a row) Apart from not being able to do mondays for a few weeks cause of the course, I didnt think it was a good idea to go straight to five days as he has never been "left" before. But it will be working up to five days eventually.

MIL lives a few miles away, so travels down to see the kids, she cant just pop in. She usually takes DS1 and his cousin (3.6) to visit her side of the family (they live up near her) on a tuesday afternoon. I told her that he was now in nursery on a tuesday, plus thurs and fri, so she could have him any other time. For now, I said, she could start to take 9m old DS2 (who she hasnt had before, she has a small car) until something was sorted, as their cousin will be starting school in september anyway so nothing is long term especially with DS1 hopefully doing five days before too long She always brings both kids to my house for an hour before taking the cousin home, so I said that if she kept doing this, cousin could still see DS1. Or failing that, she could have him any morning, any evening (nursery is only 12.30-2.30) wednesday all day, or any time at the weekend. I even said overnight, but that would mean using twice as much petrol, which seems to often be a problem already (she has cancelled more than once as she cant get here)

She didnt tell me she cant get down any other time for DS1. She didnt tell me that tuesday afternoon is apparently the only time in the week that she can have cousin. She rang DH complaining that I was stopping her seeing him. :(

And now DH is pissed off at my family over an unrelated issue, and claiming that I dont stop them seeing the kids... (hes come in off a night shift and is a twat overtired and miserable)

Ftr, my family live 5 mins away, which is why they do see them more, but I have no problem with MIL coming any time. As I said, I like her. I've always felt bad when I see MIL threads because mine has always been great :(

So, AIBU? If I am, suggestions are greatly appriciated!

For a start, don't try and discuss it when he has just finished a night shift. Anyone who knows me at all knows that when I have finished a night shift and start being unreasonable that the best thing to do is tell me to go to bed rather than try to argue with me.

Just tell him what you have told us, that you have no problem with his mum seeing your DS at any time. If she can't make it any other time, that really is not your fault. If you really want to let her see him on a Tuesday though, it might be worth considering Tuesday mornings and Wednesday mornings, then all day Thurday and Friday for nursery.

YANBU btw.

What's wrong with her visiting her GCs at the weekend like most families do?

Cousins mums father has him to stay on the weekends...

DH has passed out on the sofa btw, no more arguing from him tonight

Ring her and talk to her yourself, it sounds like a misunderstanding and I'm sure would be sorted with a phone call.

Ah this sounds like a misunderstanding.

Give her a ring, tell her how much you think of her and how much you like to see her and her spending time with the DCs and that you genuinely didn't know that it was an issue.

Having said that, if he's going full time soon, then her availability is neither here nor there.

Don't rise to DH OP.

Give MIL a ring and sort it out.

I don't think you'll get much from DH tonight if he's overtired.

Ring MIL. It sounds like you two get on. Tell her what you've told us - that you didn't know she couldn't make any other time or that that was the only time she sees the cousin too. Let her know you're not stopping her see DS1.

However she doesn't need to take both boys out visiting at the same time, or see them together. Yes, it's lovely that she does, but if it's going to mean messing DS1 about with his nursery hours and routine, then I'm afraid that she's going to have to accept that she will have to see him at another time :( It's not as if you're not willing to offer other times where she can see him.

Hope you are right and it is a misunderstanding. I will speak to MIL when I see her, I'm not a fan of the phone