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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be struggling with spending every other weekend on my own

18 replies

outdoorlover · 27/01/2013 14:36

Been with my bf for 11 months, we dont live together. I have a 3 year old and he has a 7 year old. He sees him every other weekend. My little boy is with his dad at the weekends.
When he sees his little boy, I feel so alone all weekend. I dont like to intrude on their time together so feel like i should stay away. I do sometimes go and spend time with them but I have to admit i get bored. He (as most 7 year old boys do) just wants to play xbox or football the whole weekend. I cant spend all weekend sitting there watching him do this! He also refuses to sleep in his own bed so sleeps in with his dad which means i go home to mine to sleep.
All my friends are with their own families all weekend so dont do friend stuff at weekends. I cant go on forever spending every other weekend on my own.
Any ideas please? I know I sound really horrible but really I'm not! I'm just struggling with this.

OP posts:

BambieO · 27/01/2013 14:40

Is there any chance you can swap your weekends or he can?

EuroShagmore · 27/01/2013 14:40

I have two thoughts. The first is I don't understand why you can't do stuff together at least some of the time at the weekend - go to the park, a kids event, out for coffee and cake, etc. All the families I know with kids that age do this kind of thing at the weekend. The second is, enjoy your time! I would kill to have the odd weekend alone. Take up a hobby, go to see things at the cinema your bf doesn't want to see, take long walks around the shops, whatever you fancy - the world is your oyster.

BambieO · 27/01/2013 14:42

Sorry I didn't see that your little boy is with his dad every weekend, I don't really know what to suggest to be honest, it sounds like a difficult situation but you are thoughtful to respect the time they share together

AnyFucker · 27/01/2013 14:42

Why do you never have any weekends with your own child ?

Original poster

outdoorlover · 27/01/2013 14:46

I do have a hobby, it is an outdoor sport, but i can't do it for the whole weekend and cant do it at all when the weather is rubbish like this! I dont watch films and cant really afford to go shopping for hours.
I could go to the park with them I suppose but again the weather is bad so thats out of the question.
I have my little boy all week while his dad is at work then goes to his dads for the weekend.

OP posts:

pictish · 27/01/2013 14:49

It's a question of perspective I think.
For example, I would LOVE to have every other weekend all to myself. Truly, I would consider that a real treat!
But then...I am happy in my own company and like being alone.
I'm not an introvert (far from it) but I do relish my own space.

So you see...I am JEALOUS of you.

SolidGoldBrass · 27/01/2013 14:50

Is your son's contact with your XP court-ordered? Because it's usually arranged so that parents have alternate weekends with children, simply so both parents get to have some fun time with the child.

AnyFucker · 27/01/2013 14:51

I wouldn't have agreed to that contact pattern, OP.

Your ex gets all the fun times and you get the Mon-Fri grind ?

S'not fair

Earlybird · 27/01/2013 14:52

it is very hard, but try to see your weekends alone as an opportunity rather than something to dread.

Do you have any single or childless friends? Single parents who also don't have their dc on the weekend? If so, make plans with them. Any of your own family who live close by? Go see them.

Do something that isn't easy to do with a child: cinema to see something you want to see rather than a child's film, fitness class, get a pedicure, go to an art or museum exhibition, do a hobby that you can do with others (rambling, tennis, geocaching, etc).

I think this happens to lots of women when they become Mums: they are so busy planning around their child(ren), that they don't take time for themselves. Make plans in advance. If you start calling 'round only a day or two ahead, most people will already have commitments so you'll likely be stuck on your own. But if you call now for next weekend, or weekend after - I imagine you might find people are available.

Btw - you've been with your bf for 11 months. How did you deal with being alone on weekends before that?

TheSecondComing · 27/01/2013 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

balia · 27/01/2013 14:59

I'm guessing the contact pattern is like that as the 3 year old isn't at school yet, so each parent gets real quality time (also massive assumption that OP isn't working?) and that may need to change when school starts/things change. But are people really saying here that a child's routine, the status quo of contact time with each parent should be changed, not because of the needs of the child, but because Mum is a bit bored when she can't spend time with her bf?

MrsMushroom · 27/01/2013 15:02

Can you alter things OP so that you get every other weekend with DS? It's not fair that your e has all the weekends as once school begins, you'll hardly see your DS!

Your ex could have him two days in the week when you are having your weekends??

So he gets for example Thursday and Friday and you get Saturday and Sunday one week...then the next week he gets Saturay and Sunday.

MrsMushroom · 27/01/2013 15:03

oh just seen that it's every OTHER week already....as stated in your title. Well then yabu....I think that you should be looking for activities for yourself on those weekends.

Original poster

outdoorlover · 27/01/2013 15:05

I work part time so have my daytime time with my DS during the week which we both love and this arrangement works well for me. Like Balia says, I dont want to change this just so i can see my bf more. When my DS starts school, we'll reassess the situation. I do occassionally have him weekends, its not like i never get that time with him.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 27/01/2013 15:05

No, I am not saying that balia

I don't think it is in the best interests of the child that he and mum get only the Mon-Fri grind together and all the (major) leisure time is with the other parent

AnyFucker · 27/01/2013 15:06

Fair enough, OP. Your child is not school age then. I presume the contact times will be reassessed when he is.

MrsBW · 27/01/2013 15:11

If you don't like weekends alone and dread them, they'll become a self fulfilling prophecy.

A weekend is not that hard to fill, and that's the key. Stay busy. Do things you can't do during the week.

Book a treat... Go and stay overnight with a friend. Try to see them (the weekends) positively and hopefully they won't be so bad.

Whoknowswhocares · 27/01/2013 15:29

What did you do 11.5 months ago to fill your weekend time? Can't you do whatever that was?

Why is it down to your bf have to be responsible for your entertainment. He only sees his son for a couple of days a fortnight. It would be massively unreasonable to expect him to change his precious contact time in order for you not to be bored! It's not as if you are deliberately excluded.....you just don't want to spend time doing 7 year old stuff.
That's fair enough, but as a grown woman, you need to make your own entertainment if time with him/his kid does not appeal!

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