To think hubby should help more with children

[brummiegirl1]

My husband has 2 jobs while i am on maternity leave. I expect to do the majority of things at home but I feel resentful at the moment as i feel i dont get a break from the children. If i describe my day then please tell me what you think as i dont want to argue with hubby but cant help the resentfulness i feel.

I come downstairs and the majority of the time i have to tidy the kitchen from husband getting ready for work like washing up and wiping work tops down and putting things away like juice etc.
I get both boys up in morning dressed fed etc. entertain them, do all the washing and putting dry clothes away. I also try and do as much housework in day as i can. I always find hubbys clothes around the house and keep telling him i wont wash them if he doesnt get them to the laundry basket but always do as i cant stand looking at it on the floor he is so untidY. Always leaving drawers open.

I cook dinner every night which gets on my nerves as hubby used to cook more than he does now, i also cook baby's food and feed baby i eat my dinner while feeding baby while hubby is at table with toddler. Hubby clears kitchen away while i do bath time and bed time which takes a lot longer than it takes him to wash up. As i have to bath them both then breast feed baby while toddler plays put baby down in cot and try to settle toddler who never wants to go to sleep.

Husband then usually comes up to have a shower ready for work in the morning.

I then have my evening around 8.00.

Go to bed about 11ish then breastfeed baby then go to bed. Husband moans when i say im to tired for sex to be fair to him he is not that demanding of it but does comment.

Baby wakes up about 230ish so i feed baby again, last night toddler woke up which woke baby up, husband settled toddler down and i sorted baby then baby woke at 4.30 and has been awake ever since so last night was an especially bad night which is probably why im fed up and posting on here. I have had a row with hubby who thinks im over reacting but i said to him that im fed up of doing the lot.

To be fair i am breast feeding so hubby cant feed but i could probably count on one hand how many nappy changes he has done on baby although he is a little better with toddler and some nights he brings baby to me so i can feed but most of the time its all me.

I have also never had one night since baby has been born where i could give hubby a bottle of expressed milk or where i havent had to listen out for baby so feel i can never fully relax when i go to bed, im starting to dread bed time. I have asked him to give me one night every now and agaain, im not even asing for every week but he says he has to get up for work. I understand that but i dont want this to seem like im running him down but his one job is quite easy going as i have done it as we met at work. He goes in at 9 and finishes at 4.15 with a dinner and 2, 20 minute breaks. His other job which he does on a casual basis can be more difficult as he works with challenging children. I am greatful of his work and i dont want it to sound like im not.

We only have a 2 bed so that is probably why im feeling it more as just put baby in his cot from his moses so is sharing a room with toddler.

Please dont think im running hubby down but feel i wantn other peoples opinions on what to do as at my wits end.

Sorry im waffling on, it is longer than i expected! If i had enough sleep i dont think things would look half as bad x

[DoJo]

Point out to your husband that if he got up to settle the baby a night, it would help with night weaning and increase the chances for both of you to sleep.

[DoJo]

AT night - doh!

[dreamingbohemian]

This might sound stupid but -- do you have a wall calendar that you both use? Could you block out some times for yourself on there? Either a night to sleep, if he isn't working the next day, or an afternoon or evening out for yourself?

If you ask him at the end of the day when he's already tired, if he can do the nighttime so you can sleep, he's more likely to be grumpy about it, whereas if he knows all week that he's doing Saturday nighttime he can be prepared for it and hopefully will just get on with it.

Also, what is he doing between 4.30 and 8? Is he helping with the kids, why isn't he cooking more? Is he taking time for himself, even though you don't get to?

[JumpingJackSprat]

i think youre portaying your husband as not doing much but he is working sometimes 7 days a week then comes home, does some housework as per your previous post and also gets up with the toddler in the night. i ask again what are you expecting him to do more of? i agree he needs to pick up after himself but aside from that it doesnt sound like he refuses to lift a finger. he may be feeling like you do and feeling like he needs a break too. maybe you should just talk to him about it.

[SimplyRedHead]

I certainly wouldn't bother making special food for a toddler (or baby). As others has said, just make sure your food is healthy and then share it.

It's important that children get used to having 'family food' anyway. I've got a brilliant cook book which shows different recipes which are tasty for adults, but also great for kids. It normally involves cooking one big thing and then taking out the kids portions and adding something extra for the adults, like chilli for example. It's called 'The baby and toddler cookbook and meal planner' by Sara Lewis.

Cutting out all that extra cooking would save time and effort. What about making some big dishes like casseroles or mince and then freezing them in portions so you don't have to cook every night?

[Yfronts]

I had exactly the same thing and my DH did Friday and Saturday night regularly for me. He commutes a long way and is away 6am till 8.30pm week days but still managed to support me.

I think you definitely need some proper sleep to feel better. Sleep will make the world of difference. 9 till 4 is a very short day work wise. Between 4 and bedtime, all the jobs should be shared equally.

Can you just give the baby a bit of what you are eating? Also shove all your DH's items in a heap/box in each room. And ignore. He shouldn't be leaving his stuff everywhere.

[Yfronts]

ASk your DH to cook on the days he doesn't work.

[brummiegirl1]

Thanks again for replies. I can think more rationally today as was having a bad day when i posted the other day. I have been thinking alot about this and what i want from my husband. He does do housework and washing up but i think a major downside is his untidyness especially when i feel in the day i have been racing round sorting house out and when he gets home it doesn't last and then the next day i start again. This really gets me down, i know he means well as he says he gets ready downstairs in the morning so he dont wake baby up but he leaves his night clothes sometimes in the middle of the lounge!

I expect to tidy round after the children although my toddler loves to help at the moment! Passing phase maybe! but i don't expect to pick up after my husband. I even had a chat with him and said to him as im at home at the moment then i expect to do the majority of things in the home but not to pick up after you, i dont mind if now and again you are in a hurry and i tidy up kitchen for example now and again but not as the norm.

I think another problem is i do nearly everything with the children from the minute they wake up to going to bed and then in the night too and even though im not going out to work as such i still have to get up with toddler and he doesnt sleep in day which is a good thing as he wouldnt settle at night.

I am grateful to my husband getting up with toddler in night on the rare occasions he wakes and i know we are lucky that toddler is a good sleeper usually. I know the main issue here is tiredness and things wont seem half as bad when baby sleeps through