..to ask you to create my ideal man

[Punkatheart]

I am busy, I am trying. But dammit, I am unhappy and lonely some of the time. My health is crap, my daughter is suffering from depression. Blah blah moan moan. It helps sometimes to fantasise about my perfect man. Not a celebrity but someone with depth, creativity. I would like to meet him in a wonderful way and for the world to stop being so hostile. It would take a special soul to take on a woman with cancer and a disturbed teenage girl..but..

So can you create him? Bit like the field of dreams..if you think it, he will come....

How do I meet him?
What does he say?
What is our future like?

He is kind. He is interested in you as a person, and listens when you talk. You meet him when the hospital lift grinds to a halt and the two of you are the only people in there. You have to wait an hour for the engineers to get you out and in that time you tell him that you are feeling shaky and unreal and slightly dizzy because you've just had the news that your cancer is gone. Your treatment has been successful and the doctors are delighted with your prognosis. He is sympathetic, asks questions, smiles into your eyes. When the lift is finally open he insists on taking you for a coffee to celebrate your wonderful news and over coffee he admits he would like to get to know you much better. He is tall and nice looking, well educated, with a great smile and too honest and intelligent to play games with people. He asks you directly if he could see you again, and tells you he thinks you are bright, beautiful and brave. It was your courage in daring to dream he admired.....

How's that for a start?

(I think you are bright, beautiful and brave, too. I wish you health and hope and happiness)

He sounds gorgeous. Thank you.

I hope you meet your special man. They do exist. I had a shit marriage and Ex left me 7 months pregnant with a 1yo and a 3 yo. 3 years later I met a wonderful man, who happily took on a woman with three kids under 6. We are still together 14 years later and have a further 2 DCs together. My eldest DD has had a terrible year with mental health problems....3 overdoses, dropped out of uni, back at home, very depressed. He has been a rock in that whole time and has been loving and supportive, not only to me, but to her. He loves her unconditionally. We were 350 miles away (visiting his family) when we got the news she was in hospital and he packed the car and drove 9 hours to get me home as fast as he could and never once complained. Simply said, 'She is the most important thing'. In our time together I have had 4 miscarriages, been stuck in a wheelchair for 6 months, had an ovary removed, breast cancer scare, death of close family member and he has never, ever faltered. He is the kindest, strongest man I know and I love him dearly. I tell you this to show you that sometimes when life seems very dark there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that there may well be a special soul who would take you on. There are people out there.

Wow. So happy that you have such a wonderful man.

That makes me happy.

I am going out tonight...don't feel that well but hey, I have to get out. Will be looking - but not with any real hope.

Still - onwards and upwards..

Good luck for tonight. Your prince is out there somewhere & tonight could be the night he sweeps you off your feet. X

Thanks Yorkshire Deb. Well no prince appeared. Not even a footman. But in a funny sort of way, I think I am being unreasonable. I need to be happy first, not to expect someone to provide happiness. But also, I realised last night that I really don't think a lot of myself - that's not a great start either!

I think concentrating on my career now - scratchy as it is - is the way to go.

People can live lives without partners. Children can be without dads for whatever reason. Women are strong, right?

The only thing I have never managed to do in life is grow a hard skin to cope with things. I have always been someone who feels everything much too deeply. Oh to be shallow! That's not unreasonable surely?

If you are out looking for the perfect partner, then you will be sorely disappointed - perfection doesn't exist.

You certainly do need to find inner happiness & when you've got that good things just start happening. Relying on someone else for your happiness doesn't work in my experience - you work your socks off trying to make them happy & they also focus on their own happiness & no one makes you happy. Agree with hollyberrybush though - perfect men are great for fantasising about but in reality & good man is the thing to strive for. X

I don't think I have ever looked for perfection. I enjoy people's flaws and I am realistic.

But I would like a good life now....for my daughter too...I just have to find it myself....