To not want to be the unofficial childminder?

[DocBrown]

but can't think of a good enough reason not to be?

Background: I have two DS - one in infant school one in junior school. Both schools start at the same time in the morning but the junior school opens its gate ten minutes earlier and the children can either play in the playground or go into school and get themselves ready for the day. I do not walk my DS the whole way to school (not cool apparently!) but cross the main road with him and off he goes. At the end of the school day there is quarter of an hour time difference - the schools are approx half a mile apart.

My youngest starts junior school (September) together with friend's DD. Her DS will start infant school so will have the same problems as me with the above school drop off problems. It is doable if you get your finger out and don't hang about. I have been doing it for over three years.

Anyway, she has now asked that as I no longer need to go to infants, could I take her DD to school (and wait with her until the bell has gone and is safely in the school grounds) and at the end of the day wait with her DD until she gets there from infants.

Now I don't mind helping anyone out in an emergency but I don't really want to be tied to taking the girl to school everyday but can't think of a good enough reason not to do it as I am going that way anyway. If it helps, my friend does not have to rush off to go to work and does not have any smaller children in a buggy etc

I know "no" is a complete sentence but feel a "need" a reason why.

Please don't let yourself be railroaded into this. She is being really fucking cheeky - don't do it.

WE have a similar set up here with infants and juniors except that our schools are a bit further apart.
As you say it's just about doable but a rush.

I do a "school run share" with 2 neighbours. We've been doing it over a year. We've found that every couple of weeks there is some sort of "change" and we have to madly sort something else out. The sort of things are: people being ill (children and adults), children having friends home (or going to friends houses), having to rush off somewhere afterwards, after school clubs. The snow has absolutely scuppered us as we can't cycle to school and with all the children we have to move about not enough room in cars. I will be absolutely honest and say we've only kept the arrangement going because it IS of mutual benefit to all of us. If I was doing an entirely one sided arrangement like yours I would have thrown it in a long time ago.

My suggestion - suggest to your friend to pair up with someone else with a child in both infants and juniors and alternate which school they go to.

Amazed that she asked, pretty rude to expect this, and put you on the spot like that. Girl in my youngest sons class, lives around the corner from us. Neither me nor this mum have ever asked the other to do school run. But we know that we can ask each-other in an emergency. Like if we have one child ill at home, and the other needs to be picked up, or something.

Who ARE these dreadful mares that ask everyone else to do what THEY are supposed to do with THEIR own DC?

I am on my own but wouldn't EVER ask anyone for anything unless in dire emergency. My DS is MY responsibility, no-one else's (unless it's the CM of course)

You actually cannot do what she's asking as you don't walk all the way to the school, so therefore it stands to reason that you can't stay with her child until the bell rings.

It really is as simple as that.

Okay then, 'I'm focusing more on work and am not available for this.' NO apologising, she's get a brass lot of cheek.

Just. Say. No.

Interesting thread, some of my friends have DCs who start at my DC1's school in September and I have a feeling one of them will be wanting me to take/pick up her DC. I've already seen her do it with other friends regarding nursery drop-offs.

Need to prepare my excuses.

"Oh, got to take this"

I think the idea above about just telling her you will not be going all the way to school yourself, is the best one, OP.

She can hardly expect your DS to take her child every morning (or if she does it should be easier to say no to that)

I agree with everyone else who says this is really cheeky to ask of a friend if it is a regular occurrance [ie not an emergency/once of] and there is no reason the asker cannot do it themselves [ie chronically unwell not just disorganised and/or lazy!].

As you say, you have done the school drop off and pick up by yourself for 3 years now. Why on earth would you want to take on the responsibility and hassle of someone else's kids as well as your own on an ongoing basis?

If this was me I think I would be upfront but brief with your reply. Something like "Oh no, I have enough trouble getting my own kids to school and picking them up on time. I could do it for you as an emergency [if that's okay for you OP] but really can't do it every day. Sorry!" Be bright and breezy but firm. And as another poster suggested perhaps give your friend some encouragment along the lines of "I know it might seem difficult to do the school run at first but really you'll get used to it... If I can do it, anyone can ha ha ha!" and then change the subject.

Job done.

Don't feel obliged to give her a complicated reason why you can't or an excuse. You don't owe her anything cheeky mare.

Just say "no...it's too much of a bind, sorry" then change the subject. I wouldn't do it either.

You have all given me food for thought!

The bottom line is I don't want to do it (except in an emergency) because I just don't want the responsibility of taking another child. If I and the other mums have to do this crazy school run and manage why can't she? I was just finding it hard to think of a reason of saying no because I am going that way anyway.

My plan is to walk to the school gates for the first couple of weeks and then over time leave them (my DSs) to walk further and further on their own until we get to the arrangement I have with DS1 to cross the main road and then let them go on their own.

I now realise she is a cheeky mare and it is not fair to put me in this position of the unofficial childminder - plus I need to grow a pair and learn to say NO!

I wouldn't do it.

Nor would I feel bad.

You have given your own great reason.

"I'm not going all the way, the boys are going to get some independence walking on their own. You'll manage, I did it for 3 years, you just have to be really quick"

Can we not use the term 'child minder' here.

Cms are trained in college often to a level 3 beyond in childcare,

They are ofsted approved, insured, registered and monitored.

They are self employed entrepreneurs and often run a successful and lucrative businesses.

You won't be a childminder op.

But as to your post, say no.

Okay, the problem with piss-takers like this is that the more excuse you give them, the more they find fault with it to guilt you into doing what they should be doing but they're just too fecking lazy.

So you must keep it simple. 'I'm not available for this, it's going to have to be a no from me.' NO 'sorry'. What reason have you to apologise? None, she's the one being a cheeky mare. It's none of her business why you can't or don't want to do this! So keep it simple, firm and no apology.

No she would be the unofficial child minder.

The other woman would be the official pisstaker, tho'. Ways to say no:

I can't = better than I won't

It's not happening = ditto, then add 'I'm too busy' AND DONT SAY WHY

You'll be fine = I'm not doing it just because you can't be bothered to look after your own child.

Captain fair enough.. Op people are bloody cheeky and she's one if them. No no.

Say 'No, I don't want to commit to this responsibility.'

I really, really do not understand people who feel comfortable asking these kinds of big things (and doing it every day is a big thing), not because they really need the help but because it would simply make their lives easier. I struggled to accept an offer from a friend to collect my dc when I'd just had a mc, was in pain and bleeding. It's some brass neck for her to ask something like this, and I think an equally clear response is required.

I agree with RedSky - she needs to find someone nearby who has a child at each school. The families can then take it in turns to do infants / juniors school runs. I wouldn't want this responsibility either, school runs are hectic enough without adding someone else's child to the mix on a daily basis.

I'd say no but I agree you need some sort of reason.

I think mine would be that the mornings are such a rush we don't want to think about accommodating anybody else. Sometimes we're late, sometimes I need to take him early because I've got an "exercise class"?? or something.

I did a similar favour for someone and I felt massively taken for granted after a while. For example, is she planning on dropping her dc off at your house? If so, that involves tidying up, people being dressed earlier than they might otherwise be, shouting to get your shoes on being tempered down - it affects your life. It's not nothing. Mine fell out with the other dc which made journeys to school horrible. But we still felt we had to do it, because we always had.

If she had a job, she'd employ a cminder. She's just being very lazy. Maybe explain to her that it is doable - you've done it for three years and she won't have a problem. Your assertiveness streak needs to come out here.