in thinking that mumsnetters don't like men very much?

[examiner99]

I'm new to mumsnet and thought it would be a great place for positive mutual support, but I'm aghast at how many 'I've lost my man so let's encourage some other poor woman to ditch hers' posters there are here. People are not perfect, men or women, so why is everything the man's fault? (I am a mum by the way, in case you were wondering...)

[WorraLiberty]

Would anyone like to eat a bun or are you saving yours to throw later?

Times are hard. I had to nip over the park and wrestle some bread off the ducks.

[TrampyPants]

And how long have you been here to get that impression? Because I've not seen it in 7 years

And yes, you do need to spell it out (although people have been different ideas about what constitutes abuse) because, tbh, you sound like you feel that there are excuses for bad behavior.

[Trills]

YABU

[TrampyPants]

Ps, also happily married and I believe that everyone deserves the same.

[Kalisi]

I for one would be pretty pissed off with someone who responded to a genuine problem with just ' oh you poor love' tbh

[FellatioNels0n]

I predict this thread will rattle on for about 12 pages then get deleted.

[BelaLugosisShed]

I'd still quite like to see these mythical man haters named and shamed.

[Narked]

[LtEveDallas]

I love men.




Couldn't eat a whole one though...

[BarredfromhavingStella]

What a silly twatty OP, I adore men-especially the 2 I have, cunts however (of either sex) I loathe.

Can't think of any threads I've seen which are even similar to what you describe so YABU.

[examiner99]

No excuses, in the sense of justifications, for bad behaviour at all (including calling people names). I do tend to look for information and reasons though, to try to understand a situation before recommending what to do. Reasons do not equal excuses.

[expatinscotland]

1/10.

[TrampyPants]

Any examples op?

[KirstyoffEastenders]

Just read the thread you were referring to OP and I think, in that case, the advice to leave him is entirely justified. The OP from that thread probably came on here to confirm what she already knows.

[ComposHat]

I've lost my man so let's encourage some other poor woman to ditch hers

Thank you for speaking up op for us lost men. It happened to me, Iwas lost on a Tube train.

She got off at Rayners Lane. I had to spend six months living in the lost property box in a London Transport Office. Then they put me in an auction where I failed to make my reserve price.

It wasn't fun I can tell you

[pictish]

Hmmm...I like people, including men, very much...but I have no time for abusive, selfish, diminishing, misogynist arseholes. Is that ok?

The fact is...lots of women in our society accept utterly shite behaviour from men, because they have been led to think that being treated like something the cat sicked up, is part of the ups and downs you get in a relationship.
It isn't.

One of the great things about mumsnet it the refusal of some posters to be passive in the face of what we have come to recognise as domestic abuse.

Thank fuck for that.

[pictish]

Oh and OP - I am happily married. To a man!!!

[Fenton]

Are you happily married/partnered yourself, OP? - I don't mean to pry or be rude, you don't have to answer it, - it's just that your own situation, what you 'put up with' endure or alternatively perhaps your partnership is perfect - these things could greatly influence how you read and interpret someone else's situation.

All anyone does here, I think, is give the benefit of their own (sometimes very painful) experience.

[Fenton]

Poor ComposHat she never bothered to reclaim you?

[Absy]

I think you might need to spend more time on MN before making such sweeping judgments.

I've never seen (apart from in jokes) people willy nilly advising women to leave their partners/husbands - posters would normally only advise if there is abuse, or (from what the poster has said) that their partner poses a threat to the poster or their children.

[Spero]

An interesting concept. Those of us who chose to end a toxic and miserable relationship are categorised as those who 'lost their man' and henceforth hate all men?

I like nice, witty, thoughtful people who don't treat me like I am shit on their shoe. The former I welcome into my life, the latter will find themselves 'lost' whether they be male or female.

What is going on in your life I wonder that you are so keen to look at abusive relationships in this way??

[ComposHat]

No the depot was at Baker Street.

[Bogeyface]

What you have to understand is that it is extremely rare (but not unheard of, I will admit) to have anyone post on AIBU or Relationships when things are going well.

They will more likely post when things are going badly and they need advice, and over the course of a thread things can come out that are far more meaningful that the OP suggests. I remember one thread that started out being about something innocuous like an OP's husband not helping with the baby and it turned out that she was actually being horrible abused in many ways.

There are some posters who will always says leave the bastard if he isnt perfect in every single way, but they are very few. Most of us will ask questions and give advice based on what the OP wants. If she wants to keep trying or if she is starting to think that the marriage is over is usually fairly obvious from her post and the advice is tailored towards that. A lot of the posts on relationships in particular are posted when the last straw has just broken the camels back and she has had enough.

[Pagwatch]

I tend to read threads and feel sad that there appear to be lots of women who live with useless, lazy or manipulative men and accept it or think its normal.

The 'my DP/dh ignores my birthday, shouts at me, and tells me I am not allowed to do x y or z. Typical man' posts make me want to lie down in a dark room.

I love men. My dh is fab. My ds1 is too.
Saying we should put up with crappy men is selling most men horribly short.

And can I just applaud Hec for 'bastardidity'

[cory]

When I post giving advice- any advice, I tend to work on the basic assumption that the poster is more or less telling the truth: my posts need to be read with the caveat "assuming that this information is accurate, this is my advice". I suspect the same goes for a lot of posters.

Of course, we recognise that any OP could potentially be a bundle of lies: the poster who asks for advice on her son's nursery might not even have a son of nursery age, the poster who complains about her boss might have been unemployed since 1986. That goes without saying.

But assuming that the relationship posts I have replied to are factually correct, then I don't see that I really need to hear more sides: a relationship which involves the regular threat of physical violence or denying one partner basic access to money is not a relationship that is likely to be doing anyone any good. And if it turned out that the OP was behaving equally badly in some other respect, then I'd say the relationship was even less viable.