to regret agreeing to be niece's godparent?

[BunnyLebowski]

I am an atheist. Was brought up catholic in Ireland but am as atheist as it is possible for one person to be.

At the time of my niece's christening I was also an atheist but much less confident/vocal in my lack of beliefs.

Dsis moved and married abroad in another catholic country. She isn't and never has been religious. Her husband's family are quite traditional. We aren't at all close and I've met DN 3 times since she was born (she's 5). In the event of a terrible tragedy there is no chance in hell (if you believe in that kind of thing) that I would be the caregiver to her kids. Which is sensible and practical and exactly as I'd have it. I'm a stranger to them.

I agreed to be Godmother because a) You don't really say no to these things (old Irish habits die hard) and b) I wanted to improve our relationship.

But ever since it has stuck in my craw.

Standing up in a church and vowing to help raise DN in the catholic faith and having to "renounce the devil and all his evil works" was almost physically impossible for me. I, in equal parts, wanted to laugh and walk out.

It really doesn't help that the priest who celebrated the christening (and who I disliked in the same way I dislike all priests) has since been suspended on child abuse charges .

I have no intention of ever voicing these regrets. As explained, it will never be my duty to take over as parent. But I genuinely wish I hadn't gone along with something so repugnant to my own philosophical/moral code. I wish I'd said thanks but no thanks but I'm sure that would've caused more hassle than it was worth?

The sensible thing is to just vent here and never speak of it again isn't it?

Bunny, think about it this way.

"She isn't and never has been religious. "

Your sister chose as a godparent another woman who share her lack of faith.

You are on the same page!

If she wanted a "real Godparent" she would have asked somebody else.
Relax.

I agree with Pure, she clearly didn't put any great store on your religious beliefs so don't sweat it.

Loads of atheists are godparents - me included .

Why wouldnt you step in to parent if the need arose?

I cant fathom if you mean you wouldnt do it or you are far too down the pecking order to be considered.

either way, social services make the final call anyway.

Thanks Quint

I should have elaborated. I'm pretty certain that she doesn't have any real personal faith (obv this may have changed) but she goes along with all the "expected" catholic things in spite of this. In relation to school admissions and sacraments etc.

The notion of inflicting Catholicism on an innocent child is abhorrent to me and I admit that part of my problem is this fact. The being outwardly religious to get what you want thing.

I really need to just put this out there and then pull my big girl pants on

Plus, as an atheist, you can see the things you had to say as white lies to keep the peace etc, and of no importance other than that. Its not like a Muslim or Jew making Christian vows where the vows would e actively against their beliefs; there are no beliefs to go against, you are making promises to a non existent deity. So YABU to regret it, just forget it.

Holly, surely social services don't get involved if parents have a will - godparents have no status as legal guardians anyway.

Bunny, you can discuss her mother's hypocrisy with her when she's older .

I stand by what I said. Your sister probably knows that the only teaching you would inflict on her child is good ethics! And that is a good thing whatever faith or lack thereof.

surely social services don't get involved if parents have a will

Oh yes they do

Holly

Dsis has 2 SIL's who are 5 mins from her, are closer sisters to her than I have ever been and whose kids are my niece's best friends. Her kids have a brilliant and extensive network of family and friends and a life I wouldn't dream of pulling them away from.

In the hugely statistically unlikely event that it becomes an issue!

They wouldn't over-ride a will though, unless there was incredibly extenuating circumstances (you'd chosen a pedophile or something!) ????

Oh yes they do

Children arent posessions to be willed to someone else - you can only indicate who you would like to take on the upbringing

Of course they're not possessions, don't be daft.

But if I choose to request my closest friends to be legal guardians why the hell would SS step in and change it? I'm sure they've got better things to do with their time tbh!

"Testators with minor children should consider who would have the care (guardianship) of any minor children who survive them by making sure that a guardian is named in your will. Thus giving someone of your choice your legal consent through your Will, therefore, preventing the state and social services stepping in and having to choose a guardian for your child in your absence."

Have you actually discussed what would happen to your neice if she died?

Going to an aunt or uncle isn't beyond the realms of possibility, but may your sibling have other plans for their child?

(BTW I am a practicing catholic and none of my godparents are practicing catholics. I have benefited from their moral guidance and support immensley none the less)

So fucking sorry for working in a child protection environment.

I clearly know squat. And deal with the fall out of squat every day.

All this chat of SS is redundant as

1. there is no conflict in my family and we would all want the best thing for the kids which is to stay in the place they have been brought up and love surrounded by their close relations.

2. I don't think SS exist in the country I'm talking about. I'm sure there's a version but it's unlikely it's their intricate policies you're referencing Holly?

3. paedophiles aren't part of the issue since we aren't talking about Ireland anymore

Don't be so patronising Holly - I asked you a question, why would SS step in and interfere with a straightforward guardianship agreement?

I also work in SS, albeit DCT, so I do know something of what I'm talking about.

You don't need to be so ridiculously aggressive - just explain what I asked.

Sorry for hi-jacking your thread Bunny - not sure why Holly is being so aggressive tbh!

The sister's in another country, Holly.

What's done is done, Bunny. I don't believe in God anymore, either. I used to, but I truly don't now.

YY to venting on here.

I just think Holly's being a bit prickly...

Because I was on the peripherals of a case today, ok?

it was horrible. Lets jsut not go into chapter and verse, because the detail isnt relevent. Suffice to say the parent made provision and SS are all over the grandparents (too old at 60) to bring up teenagers. Totally utterly intrusive without any cause.

I understand why expat. I think about you and Ailidh very regularly

And thank you. I think I just needed to blether.

Have just completed DD's Primary application and the physical repulsion I felt at the thought of sending her to be part of the next generation of the indoctrinated has brought all these feelings to the surface.

If she's married a catholic, practicing or not, and moved to his home - Cathoilic -country then she is surrounded by his traditional -catholic-family. And you say she isn't religious. I'd say she desperately wants someone who isn't going to raise her DD to be a good catholic girl, whatever that means, in her corner so to speak.

Disclaimer, I have nothing against Catholics, I avoid all religions equally

My best friend is an atheist and godparent to my eldest. As well as being my oldest and dearest friend, who I would trust with my young daughter, I chose her specifically for her beliefs. I have faith but am not church, if that makes sense. I don't go to church as I don't feel I need to get the community support. Dh and I worship together in our own way. I want my daughter to have people with a variety of beliefs around her. Ours might not suit her as she gets older and I would sooner her be able to go to friends and family I trust, who are close to her, but who can give her a different view of the world.

See it as an opportunity to help raise, albeit from a distance, a young person to have a varied view of things, rather than be stuck in possibly only one train of thought, which she may not be comfortable with.

Holly - really? That's interesting. I have no family in this country, and the only close friends who could raise my DCare late 50s/early 60s. Would SS prefer they went to another country? (Australia)

i think Holly has a point. We went to make a will recently just to sort out who would look after the kids should both myself and dh die. We wanted my friend, however the solictor said that could only be put down as a 'wish' and ss / courts would make the final decision, especially if grandparents (60's) wanted custody, which they would. We ended up not doing a will in the end.