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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how do I handle the crazy lady?!!?

12 replies

Mrs3chins · 24/01/2013 21:57

A childhood friend who I was very close to once upon a time has recently got in touch again as she's heard through mutual friends that my dad is terminally ill. She sent a really nice text sending me her love etc etc and I genuinely appreciated it. I have very fond memories of our friendship but I had to step away and end it about 3 years ago for what I believe are very good reasons.

The last few years of the friendship were very strained and completely draining. I seriously believe she has Münchausen syndrome and munchausen by proxy. Every illness, allergy and disease you could possibly think of, her or her 3 children have. ADHD, aubergers, OCD, genetic disorders, autism, ME, dyspraxia, dyslexia, celiac disease - I could go on forever but that's a whole different thread. I simply do not believe there's anything wrong with the children or her due to the way she is obsessed with herself and constantly talking about the conditions they all have so proudly. She revels in it in a way that's pretty disturbing. She also talked a lot about children at the kids schools (there have been several school changes due to her believing the schools are not catering to the needs of her children) who she believed were being abused. Shockingly she works with children and knows how to work the system so has managed to get hold of grants to do up her house (for example she claims her autistic eldest is unable to have baths due to her fears so had a state of the art wet room built in a new house extension paid for with a grant) and although she claims the children do not like change due to their conditions they're now moving thanks to all the added value they have on the house. I think this is morally wrong and due to all of the above I had to cut ties as it was all too much and I didn't want her round my son knowing she'd be constantly analysing him looking for signs of abuse or disease.

My problem is, now she's text and got back in touch I don't know how to handle it. We grew up together and although she hasn't seen my parents in years she knew them well when we were young. With my dad being ill I know she'll be texting a lot and we will be seeing each other soon at a mutual friends wedding. I definitely don't want to be drawn back into a friendship but I don't want to be rude and ignore her. How do I handle this?!?!?

OP posts:
JudgeJodie · 24/01/2013 22:04

Sorry about your Dad. You really don't need this added stress on top of him being ill.
I just got some amazing advice on here for a situation involving a friend with issues. My instinct is to say, do what I didn't do, and run. Like the wind.
Although I am sure someone will be along shortly with something a little more constructive!

SomethingProfound · 24/01/2013 22:24

So sorry your Dad is ill.

Have you responded to the text? Assuming you have not, I personally would send a polite message along the lines of "thank you for thinking of us", and then rebuff any offers to revive the friendship.

I get the feeling from your OP that you are concerned your former friend will use your Dads illness as a way to re-establish her self in your life if this is the case simply refuse to discuss anything with her.

IMHO those who have a desire for attention also relish conflict so I would just maintain a healthy distance while being as polite as possible.

Mrs3chins · 24/01/2013 22:35

Yes I responded and because she worded it so nicely and she caught me at a vulnerable time I think I was a bit too friendly. The 2nd one she sent was to say we should keep in touch and meet up etc etc. It then when on to say her what the latest diseases and syndromes were present in the household lol. So although I know she hasn't changed I hate to hurt her feelings. Argh I'm too soft for my own good. Please tell me to man up!!

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 24/01/2013 22:39

Man up! (well you did ask...)

Just don't respond to this text.

Best wishes to your dad.

Mrs3chins · 24/01/2013 23:16

Judgejodie I've just read your thread. Oh.My.God! And I thought my lady was crazy ha! You poor thing

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/01/2013 23:19

Sorry to hear about your Dad

How did she get your phone number?

Mrs3chins · 24/01/2013 23:38

I've had the same number for years so she'll still have it from when we were friends.

OP posts:
tigerdriverII · 24/01/2013 23:42

Agree with other posters. Just don't engage, you have much better things to deal with. Sorry to hear about your dad.

Pancakeflipper · 24/01/2013 23:52

I would say something along the lines of hope she understands but you are incredibly busy at present and catch up at the wedding.

Joiningthegang · 24/01/2013 23:57

How about a simple "thank you x"

Or do you think it might encourage her?

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/01/2013 23:58

Tell her you are busy and stressed at the moment and will be in touch when you feel more able. Then don't.

FWIW I have a friend who has all manner of 'ailments' which she uses an increasingly bizarre group of alternative therapists to treat. Now, her DD has allergies and intolerances... It makes me sad. Her and both her siblings have MH issues and this is her way of coping.

Joiningthegang · 24/01/2013 23:59

Whoops seen your follow up bit - ignore I reckon

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