This is really long (sorry) but I don't want to drip feed information later, so bear with me...
My sister phoned me at the weekend, and I stayed up all night listening to her talk about her marriage. She's been married for fifteen years and has a lot of problems with her mental and physical health. She suffered from depression before she met her husband and has since had problems with her weight, to the point where she has developed some very serious complications. As a result of her depression, she also has problems with personal hygiene which has led to other health problems.
She has tried to get disability benefits but has not been successful, and has never really worked. She sees a therapist and takes her medication, and her worst lows are mostly controlled, but she does not feel that she would be up to working. This has been the case for about five years now.
She said that she and her husband have had a conversation about their marriage. He said he loves her (I really believe him - they are like two peas in a pod) but doesn't think he can stay married to her. He said that he doesn't think she is doing enough to manage her health: things like sleeping to a regular schedule, eating to try and manage her weight, and showering and brushing teeth.
I am at such a loss and don't know what to advise her. I love both of them and do get frustrated with her that she seems be her own worst enemy, but on the other hand I am really angry with him for apparently giving her this ultimatum. On top of this, there is no way she could survive on her own; she is completely dependent on him for money.
I feel really uncomfortable getting involved in their marriage and have suggested they go to therapy together. I don't know how to support her or what to do. If they did get divorced, she would have to come and live with my family, and I don't know if I could cope with her. AIBU to avoid offering advice to her and hope they sort it out? I think this is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.
TL;DR Depressed sister's husband has talked about divorcing due to her lack of self-care. AIBU to stay out of this, even though my sister is very vulnerable?
P.S. I did also ask my sister if she minded me posting anonymously about her and she is okay with it.