To judge exH's new girlfriend...

[Bolshmol]

For having him 'sleepover' just weeks into relationship when she has kids at home?
FWIW I know I am cos it's not my business but am mildly jealous of his 'freedom' and life without responsibility (most certainly not of her btw)

Maybe I am out of touch?

Yabu. It'll all go horribly wrong most likely, but who cares...he's your ex.

It's not unreasonable to think that she should wait much longer before introducing a new man to her children, no, but that's her decision to make and it's none of your business who he spends time with.

How come you even know where he sleeps? Did he tell you or did a friend?

I would envy his freedom too, right there with you on that one

Fact straight from the horse's mouth. Apparently I'm old fashioned. I asked how he would feel if I had a bloke over that I'd known for a couple of weeks having breakfast with his kids- I'm assured he wouldn't have a problem with this...

Why are you talking to your ex husband about his new girlfriend and their sleeping arrangements?

More importantly, why do you care?

He told me for whatever reason he has- i kicked him out eventually after years of EA so am not particularly interested really.

I guess the inevitable fact that my kids will have to have some sort of relationship with this or some other woman at some point is quite hard to get my head round right now and I'm not liking how I feel. I know IABU really.

Judge away, it's one of the few things that makes me cringe. Poor kids.

I recognise that feeling too, when it dawns on you after the split that your child may now have people in their life that you would never choose and there's not a lot you can do about it.

How long since you split up? I'd have stopped that conversation right in its tracks and any discussions we did have would be business-like and purely child-related.

I'd judge her too TBH, a few "family" days out with the new bloke is one thing, a sleepover is a whole other thing and IMO not wise at such an early stage

But the only reason I can think of for him telling you is either to make you feel jealous, or lousy about yourself. Sounds like you are well rid.

Last year- but until very very recently was harassing me to have him back.

I'm right there judging with you. A few weeks? I find it really off that a person would introduce a new partner to their kids, much less have them sleep over, after a few weeks.

He is their dad though doesn't he have as much responsibility for them as you?

Glad I'm perhaps not so off the planet as he suggested but I am getting to grips with the fact it's bugger all to do with me.

Ll- yep in theory. In reality nope.

Sorry I'm with you too, the OW in my marriage has photos on her FB of XH sitting with her 7 year old DD on his lap three weeks after he left me for her and only five weeks after she met him), he'd moved in with her after six weeks. Am I judging her, too fucking right I am? My DCs have to meet this woman at some point, if she has so little regard for her own DCs feelings she's not going to give a stuff about how my DCs feel.

Sounds to me like he's trying to make you jealous!

But YANBU. I judge too, tbh!

"My ex told me when he first got with his gf she didnt like sharing a bed til theyd been together longer and knew each other better. So he shared a bed with her 5yr old dd"

unless she's a very sick person indeeed, I dont believe that! Why on earth would someone do that - I'm not ready to commit to sleeping with you, but you can cosleep with my child !!!!

WTAF makeitalarge! That's blown my mind! We don't know each well enough to sleep in the same bed but here! share my child's bed!

Gobsmacked.

YANBU. I judge my ex's GF for exactly the same thing. My ex had met her dc, and he had slept over at their house months before she met our dc.

But my ex was honest enough to admit he wouldn't have liked it if I'd had my (now) DH staying over that soon into our relationship. He moaned about him staying over after I'd been with him for nine months and had known him for five years! But in his mind its her responsibility to do what she thinks is ok for her kids, and it's not his choice.

Ok- so I don't feel so bad for getting my judgeypants on! I still know that if and when I meet someone long term that firstly I will be sure they are worthy of meeting my kids and secondly that they will get to know each other on a slow basis starting with the odd pub lunch rather than a sleepover after a couple of weeks.

But hey, her kids, her choice. Will just have to try and get used to the fact that he'll have someone eventually they'll have to get to know - sucks right now tbh.