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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be stupidly hurt by this? Re Facebook

24 replies

LanaDelRain · 23/01/2013 23:06

My ex and I didn't have the best ending to a relationship but during the relationship we were very happy and planning a future together.

I said as a joke to him, we should put in a relationship with each other on Facebook. He said no as he didn't want everyone knowing his business.

Fair enough.

We have been broken up 4 months now, and today he's put he's in a relationship with someone on Facebook.

I don't mind that he is with someone else - we all have to move on. But I just feel sick. Like he wouldn't do it for me because he was ashamed of me and didn't want people to know about us.

He's not doing this to make me jealous either, as we are no longer Facebook friends.

I know this sounds very pathetic and childish. I'm just so hurt (so please be easy on me)

OP posts:
Cailinsalach · 23/01/2013 23:09

Oh I am so sorry OP. I don't have a clue what you are talking about but you sound so hurt. Well I'm glad you ltb.

HildaOgden · 23/01/2013 23:09

How did you find out about it if you aren't FB friends?

Tommy · 23/01/2013 23:11

try not to think about it. FB is a game - that's all. It doesn't mean anything - hang in there

wanderingcloud · 23/01/2013 23:11

YANBU to feel hurt.

YABU to still check up on your ex on fb though... it's never, ever a good idea. Stop it for your own sake.

Original poster
LanaDelRain · 23/01/2013 23:12

Because I'm one of those sad losers Hilda that still occasionally looks at her exs profile on fb as his isn't private.

OP posts:
VBisme · 23/01/2013 23:12

His new GF probably just put it in and he didn't have the heart to reject it.

But seriously, why are you checking out an exes fb page if you're no longer friends?

Original poster
LanaDelRain · 23/01/2013 23:13

I've now blocked him wanderingcloud save me from looking again.

It's just too easy to be browsing on Facebook anyway and then have a look ..

Sad
OP posts:
VBisme · 23/01/2013 23:13

Sorry xposted, try to avoid him, IRL and on FB.

Original poster
LanaDelRain · 23/01/2013 23:14

Yes maybe VB ... I guess I'm not 100% over him yet.

OP posts:
ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay · 23/01/2013 23:15

Not unreasonable to be hurt but FB relationship status is quite low on the list of shit from exes.

Men are weird. I know at least one guy who wouldn't marry a very long term girlfriend and then was engaged within weeks of meeting her replacement. I think it's about timing and them not you.

CSIJanner · 23/01/2013 23:15

Ignore, ignore, ignore! You never know - he may a highly strung new partner who told him the well was dry and no medieval two backed monster until he updated his FB status. Or he could have just swiped his phone and did it for him. Just remember that you were together for longer and had a happy relationship, take a breath and carry on. Eggy on his face if it goes tits up next week though.

VBisme · 23/01/2013 23:16

It's horrid, but I'm sure it's nothing to do with your relationship being less good than the one he's in now.
If you hadn't spoken to him and just put "is in a relationship with nobhead", then he probably would have agreed because otherwise he'd have to explain why and men (gross generalisation) don't like conflict.

Fightlikeagirl · 23/01/2013 23:17

Try not to see too much into it and try try try not to look at his profile, Yanbu but be kind to yourself and do your hardest to move on.

Original poster
LanaDelRain · 23/01/2013 23:17

I know this is stupidly sad to admit, but after I saw the relationship I did a little stalk, they added each other as friends on Sunday and have listed Sunday as their anniversary.

OP posts:
HildaOgden · 23/01/2013 23:19

You're torturing yourself doing that (checking his profile),well done for blocking it.

Listen,you're hurting right now,I understand that.And it's possible that maybe he is more serious about this girlfriend...but you two are ex's for a reason.Whatever that reason is,you aren't together anymore and he has moved on.You need to do the same.Who knows,maybe your next relationship will be the 'real' one,the one that you would have missed out on if you were still with the ex.

Keep busy and distract yourself ...away from Facebook..to take your mind off him.

Kleptronic · 23/01/2013 23:19

I think I get it. I once had an almost boyfriend who told me he would be happy to have sex with me but wouldn't be introducing me to his friends. Hurt like anything that did, although I see now he was at least honest about it, plenty wouldn't have been. It stung like hell. I couldn't understand why he wouldn't acknowledge me to other people (I was 18 so quite naive) and felt like shit about it.

I reckon you're hurt about the relationship ending still. Four months is no time at all. You're not pathetic or childish, you've just got some more feelings to work through. I hazard a guess that you publically acknowledged to the world your relationship, or felt like it was a part of your public identity. He didn't, or at least the Facebook public world. You feel like you didn't mean to him what he meant to you. Of course you feel hurt!

VBisme · 23/01/2013 23:22

they added each other as friends on Sunday and have listed Sunday as their anniversary.

Oh come on, that's very funny! Grin They sound incredibly immature (she's not 14 is she?)

Original poster
LanaDelRain · 23/01/2013 23:25

It's an odd situation as it was long distance. So he never met my friends (although I would have introduced him) but he did introduce me to his friends as his girlfriend.

And I stayed at his place and hung out with his room mates.

He said he loved me and wanted to marry me. Maybe he was just full of shit I don't know.

... It's just odd that they've only been Facebook friends since Sunday and have listed their relationship as starting on Sunday.

OP posts:
Original poster
LanaDelRain · 23/01/2013 23:26

Haha no VB surprisingly not. He is 28 and I think she is 26 so ...

I don't want to be a judgmental ex but to declare a relationship that fast might not always be the best thing.

OP posts:
VBisme · 23/01/2013 23:26

I think they met Saturday night, and probably updated fb whilst still under the influence.

VBisme · 23/01/2013 23:27

Lana, don't worry, it won't last!

Original poster
LanaDelRain · 23/01/2013 23:32

Is it mean of me VB that I hope that it doesn't last? Sad

OP posts:
HildaOgden · 23/01/2013 23:35

Oh....I probably shouldn't even put this in your head..but I'd wonder whether it was going on longer than you think.

Either way,you have to move on.Harsh as that sounds,it's the reality.

VBisme · 23/01/2013 23:47

Is it mean of me VB that I hope that it doesn't last?

Not at all, it's human nature, and it won't. But I think blocking him is the right idea.

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