AIBU not to go live in a commune? (Yes! It's a MIL thread!)

[pomdereplay]

First time posting in AIBU, please do be gentle.

Long story short and I will try not to drip feed I have never had a great relationship with my MIL. It has always been clear that we aren't much on the same wavelength and she doesn't really like me. Things with FIL are slightly better, but it still isn't a warm or close relationship. It's fine, they live far away and I always make the effort with them: homemade gifts, their sort of small-talk and socialising, it isn't a big deal for me to do it a couple of times a year and I am happy to do my best to keep things at least cordial.

Anyway, my DP and I have been considering separating. His fault entirely, infidelity/EA issues and I am pretty close to the end of my rope. It isn't a done deal, but I am making an exit plan and DP has made his parents aware of this.

This morning, MIL sent him an email which, whilst completely ignoring the reasons behind my wanting to leave, stated that I should be the one to leave our home (with our 11 month old daughter!) even though I have no income and nowhere to go as yet, that DP should [emphasis hers] 'PUT [HIS] FOOT DOWN FOR ONCE' and, best of all, I should 'go live in a commune' because I 'seem the type'!

I am angry, baffled and amused. And yes, I did post this just to showcase that particular bit of strangeness. I wouldn't even know where to find a commune. AIBU not to take my baby and I to live in one?

It's none of her business.

I don't even know where to begin with this one, other than to say I would not be able to resist telling her, in the sweetest, most syrupy voice you have, 'go fuck yourself you self righteous loon'.

YANBU and nor would you be unreasonable to email the MIL back and tell her to fuck off, maybe put it slightly more politley

Agree with expat Does your DP listen to her? I wouldn't take much notice she sounds like a weird person I would IGNORE and not let her upset me. NYANBU

If she sent the email to him, how did you see it? And no, I wouldn't know where to find a commune in the UK! Being nosey, what us your exit plan if you don't have an income? Is your current home in both names or just his?

YANBU - MIL is.
Does your DP want you and DD homeless? Ignore her, it has nothing to do with her how, and if, you and DP separate. You need to look after yourself and DD. Her son is an adult.

Get thee to a nunnery!

I suppose MIL will always want to support her DS, especially as she cannot possibly know the circumstances within his marriage.

It's not really up to you to answer emails between mother and son, but the dignified, restrained way is "Thank you for your concern, but this matter is between me and H". Though I sympathise strongly with the urge to call her an utter loon.

Id call her and tell her to ....off

Its none of her business, she obviously doesn't care for her grand daughter does she?

unfortunalty i think most people would automatically side with thier child i say unfortunalty as sometimes - if they looked at the situ objectivly it may help rather than commend bad behaviour...

The thing is - i epxect she is thinking the child will stay with her son - and just you will bugger off into the sunset!

I'm aware of a commune-type community you could go to if you're interested, although you'd have to have some pretty extreme religious views & agree to not speak to any outsiders... Would be a good hiding place from deranged MIL!

Sorry, nothing helpful to say - can't stop giggling at her accusing you of being 'the type'! As for him 'putting his foot down', I think his feet have done quite enough wandering if he's been off with other women!

She is acting very unreasonably. I think mothers do often tend to side with sons on this!. My father (after my mother died I hasten to add!) has behaved awfully towards the three women he has been with (twice married) in the last 10 years. Including encouraging one to give up her job and independence, bring her child to live her from abroad and generally be his "little wifey" then leave her, with nothing, and go on to someone 6 years younger than me.
He has behaved like a total twat. My grandmother still thinks non of it is his fault - its all the womens fault. She spends her days bemoaning how unfair it all is for my poor dad. Crazy.

I am sorry to hear you are in this situation but dont dwell on MIL totally ignore her.