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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Funny" thing a friend (?) posted on FB..Am i humourless?

43 replies

lolaflores · 23/01/2013 11:12

...and obviously unreasonable. help me work out whether I am over sensitive or have good cause for the grump it has caused.

So, today, a friend of very long standing, who is fully aware of my mental health diagnosis shared a picture of The Three Stooges arsing around looking very strange with the heading

"Disocvering a friend with the same mental disorder....priceless"

And her comment above "You know who you are"?

Does she mean well but fairly ignorant or passive aggressive?

I am Bi-polar with many the crisis under my belt. Everyone has done the "we are so supportive you, it really doesn't matter....so on etc.

Being over sensivite? But it hurts somehow

OP posts:

Pigsmummy · 24/01/2013 22:51

Tonight one of my friends posted the same picture, it seems to be doing the rounds. However no comment pointing to who it was directed to

Montybojangles · 24/01/2013 23:08

Several people I know have shared this post today, I can imagine my mum writing the same comment your friend wrote, as we often say we are on the brink together. We have a number of family members/friends with MH conditions, but though there are something's I find offensive or distasteful I just found this one amusing.
I honestly doubt very much your friend was directing this to you, just a general "joke" I'm guessing. She will likely be mortified when she finds out how much she has upset/distressed you.

AnonAndOnAndOn · 24/01/2013 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CommanderShepard · 24/01/2013 23:20

It's really crass but could it just be her trying to be supportive and completely getting it wrong?

(I have a colleague who also suffers with anxiety and we have a codeword for "I am having a bad day and we need tea and a rant or I will have a meltdown". If someone else heard me walk past her desk and mutter "super cow" they might be thinking I'm a horrible bully and calling her names but that's the code!)

DoJo · 25/01/2013 00:21

I'm another one who thinks that it's unlikely that she is directing this at you, or anyone in particular necessarily. The fact that the message is a caption for a picture of the three stooges suggests that it's more to do with people bumbling along together and somehow surviving each 'episode' in their life because they 'get' each other and don't judge each other or fixate on each other's difficulties because they appreciate that we all have our own 'stuff' to overcome.

If you feel like saying something to her then try to contain your anger - the chances are it probably hasn't even crossed her mind since she clicked, so give her a chance to tell you herself.

WorraLiberty · 25/01/2013 00:28

Sorry lola I missed your reply

Yes, from what you've said I do see

And that's why I think you made the right call when you asked for 'outside' opinions.

Hopefully you can see by now that it's a pretty generic FB posting doing the rounds and in no way aimed at you.

FanFuckingTastic · 25/01/2013 00:32

I laugh and joke about a lot of my conditions, mental health included. It's dark humour that I guess some people don't find amusing and I wouldn't like to think I'd pushed any of my friends into an emotional crisis posting as I do on my wall, but honestly anyone who I have on my friends list would know to message me if they were upset at something I have said or done? Can you not just message her for clarification?

SirBoobAlot · 25/01/2013 00:37

No, it's not funny. One went around at Christmas time about Christmas carols and mental illnesses - pissed me right off. Some are worse than others.

People still think it's okay to laugh at mental health. If it was racist, or homophobic, or sexist, or a joke mocking disabled people, there would be an uproar. But no... It's still fine to poke the crazies in the corner.

And the whole BULLSHIT of "I like to do all my housework, so I must be OCD" type thing is just as annoying.

Monty27 · 25/01/2013 00:41

Not laughing here.

Birdsgottafly · 25/01/2013 03:35

If you read the full list of what is thought of as a "Mental Disorder", you will know a lot of people who have/had one.

It is probably an aimed status at someone else.

I have made the same comments to good/close friends (i wouldn't on FB). We have all worked in Mental Health and had to deal with suicides etc and most of us have personal experience of the distress of living with MI.

I think that some people forget how public FB is and their comments are going to be taken on board by anyone who reads them.

You have taken it the wrong way.

Longtalljosie · 25/01/2013 06:25

I agree with Worra. I think it's very likely she posted without thinking of you at all.

MrsWolowitz · 25/01/2013 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFallenNinja · 25/01/2013 07:48

When I see these "funnies" doing the rounds I tend to let them occupy the same headspace I reserve for reminding myself to scratch my arse.

I find some funny and some not so much, but they're all up with with arse scratching in terms of personal impact.

zignzag · 25/01/2013 08:10

I think you should learn to leave it go over your head. There will always be comments, fb postings etc that may get to us...but only if you leave them. This is a sensitive subject for you but you have to realise it is not for your friend. She will have a different view on things. You have to take ownership for your feelings regarding this issue as there is always going to be something or someone that could piss you off ... If you allow it.

MadBusLady · 25/01/2013 09:01

The trouble is that if it is the case that one in four people have some sort of mental health condition (or whatever the stat is), they are going to take different approaches to humour about it. There really are a lot of people out there with conditions, some of them probably quite mild, that disrupt their lives. If some of them use humour as a coping mechanism (as I have), then they do run the risk of offending others who just don't see it like that - but should they be prevented from using it for that reason?

(Hope you're feeling better about it now, OP - I'm not trying to dig or anything, just finding the moved along conversation interesting).

manicinsomniac · 25/01/2013 10:14

I think you're being massively oversensitive personally.

I have a few mental health conditions and make jokes like that all the time - they're not special, hush hush things to me at all, it's more a 'laugh or you'll cry' type of situation.

You get dark humour about everything. If the thing picked directly affects you then you might not find it funny (eg I couldn't handle jokes that involved death for at least a year after my dad died) but it doesn't mean that the joke is inherently unfunny or inappropriate.

DublinMammy · 25/01/2013 10:24

I think you are being over-sensitive, it's clearly meant to be funny. It's cringey but it doesn't mean you should think it is targetting you.

boredSAHMof4 · 25/01/2013 11:55

It's not aimed at you hun!
It's just a (thoughtless) joke !

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