To think DP shouldn't have a face on with me everytime my kids put a step wrong?

[CaffeineBomb13]

Last night DS came home from school with a knackered bike. DP very kindly offered to fix it for him despite being at work all day and had to faff about going out to shop and then fixing the sodding thing until gone 10pm at night. This was all so that DS could complete his paper-round this morning. Well, DS decides this morning not to do the paper-round anyway. DP understandably pissed off, as was I and I told DS he was taking the piss. Well, DP now has a face on with ME over it and is no doubt at work now reconsidering the entire relationship over it.

This is what he does. My kids do something to piss him off and rather than just getting pissed off and having a moan like most normal adults, he starts to question EVERYTHING. I feel like I'm having to apologise for every little thing my kids do wrong and I resent the fact that little things like this have him questioning our entire relationship. In fact, it angers me.

AIBU??

YANBU, What he is doing is "Catastrophizing" everything, basically making a small annoyance worse, he doesnt have a history of depression does he?

Why have you started a thread here when you already have one in Relationships about your DP and his attitude?

Do you want to carry on with him ,he sounds like hard work.

You're right, he shouldn't. Seems he's just looking for any excuse to get out of the relationship tbh.

YANBU
Kids will always be doing things wrong, even when they are adults. Is he going to have this attitude/behave like this every time they do?
You should not have to apologise to him for every little thing either. Your resentment is unlikely to go away unless he stops.
Hope you work it out.

Yanbu.

If you are correct sugarrice, it is just another in a depressing theme of long running or serial posts where people want advice, get it , don't accept/take it and then repost again.

It is one thing when an issue is messy (eg separation, divorce , issues with ex etc) and ongoing but people try to do something. Quite another when poster asks for advice and does nothing.

OP, get out of this relationship now. I was in one like this, where despite him being lovely on the outside, I was always on tenterhooks in case my dc were in any way less than perfect. He was a massive prick tbh but it took me a long time to get over him and I do worry that his very obvious disapproval had a negative effect on them :( Your ds was taking the pee a bit, but your dp needs to act like an adult.

What ds did was naughty but doesn't excuse dp behaviour .

The post in relationships is mostly going on about his lack of affection, however this issue wound me up more when he sent me a snappy text after I posted the other one - confirming my suspicion that he was in a mood with ME over the bike thing.

I also think he's looking for an excuse to finish the relationship but to be fair he's so pessimistic about everything in life and is CONSTANTLY looking for (and therefore creating) problems in things were they don't exist. Sick of it.

If you think he wants to end the relationship then end it.....why in earth would you stay with this person?

YANBU do him a favour and end it for him

Caffeine he sounds really hard to live with, do you want the stress of having to deal with this man when he gets stroppy.

Tell him it's over, you and your dc's don't need this miserable so and so dragging you down.

Massive red flag. Does he have children of his own?

End it.

I don't usually suggest that, but you can't live like this; it's not fair to you, or to your children.

Wow. I've just realised that my husband did the same and until I read your post I had never seen it!

This isn't a relationship he is happy in and it's one that clearly isn't making you happy either.

It does sound like he wants out and doesn't know how to go about it/can't be bothered with the hassle/hasn't found anywhere else to go to instead/doesn't want to be the bad guy...

What's your reason for sticking around? (And if it's because you 'love him' then I really need to hear what it is you love about him)

You and your children deserve better than this.

If you're sick of him - why don't you end the relationship?

btw - did your son let anyone down by not doing his paper round?

As an aside - he really needs to work on being responsible. He can't just not do his work because he doesn't feel like it. I'd be fairly pissed off about that too, tbh. Particularly if I'd put myself out doing something for him that would enable him to do it.

But reading between the lines here, this is just a symptom of a failing relationship. If it's not working - end it. If you think he's looking for a reason to go - tell him to go.

He sounds like a pain in the arse.
I couldn't be bothered with constantly walking on eggshells around someone like that - can you?
Your kids don't need this kind of judgemental behaviour all the time either.

He sounds really hard work. I too would get rid. I wouldn't want all of that negativity around my child, let alone myself.

" I resent the fact that little things like this have him questioning our entire relationship. In fact, it angers me."
You SHOULD resent and be angered by this. It's a form of blackmail - 'make my life completely smooth or I'll leave'.

"he's so pessimistic about everything in life and is CONSTANTLY looking for (and therefore creating) problems in things where they don't exist"
Sorry, but I just could not live with this. Stay together and he will kill any pleasure you take from life. And your DC will be affected by this too.

Don't let him keep this Sword of Damocles over your head any longer. It's no way to live. If he's questioning your entire relationship, give him the answer 'it's over'. You (and your DC) will be happier in the long run.

Firstly - do you love him?
Secondly - does he love you?
It's not always enough but it's a great place to start.
Can you sit him down and talk to him about all of this.
Put a list together of when he has done this kind of thing and discuss the issues.
I haven't read your post in relationships but don't just throw everything away because he gets stroppy. All men get stroppy at times but you do need to discuss things if you want to move the relationship forward.
You may choose together to end it.

I think it's probably way beyond that hellsbells (I've read the OP's most recent thread in relationships)