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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not like people saying - "I think I'll make a great mum"

24 replies

GameSetMatch87 · 22/01/2013 23:16

or dad etc.

Before they have children?

I'm not one of those people that would say "you don't understand because you don't have children" but unless you are an actual parent then you really don't understand what it's like to have children.

We all think we're the perfect parents - until we have children Smile

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/01/2013 23:17

How odd

Would you suggest anyone TTC whilst thinking they're likely to be totally shit and an utter failure?

Everyone thinks they're likely to be good parents surely?

doublecakeplease · 22/01/2013 23:20

Haha - my friend did this last week - quote 'ah, i think I'll be a good mum because i love kids'

Said 2mins after she handed DS back as he might dribble in her sweater.

Lovely lady but no clue ;-)

VisualiseAHorse · 22/01/2013 23:20

People always said that I would make a great mum. I never said it myself.

floweryblue · 22/01/2013 23:20

If someone thinks they will be a great mum, they prob will be.

I would be a s* mum, I have taken precautions. I'm a great Aunty though Grin

AllYoursBabooshka · 22/01/2013 23:21

Well why would you consider having children unless you thought you would at least be a good parent?

You wouldn't say "Naw, I'll be a crap mum but fuck it!".

VBisme · 22/01/2013 23:22

I'm a great stepmum Grin

olgaga · 22/01/2013 23:23

Blimey - I never thought I would be a "great mum". I never thought I'd have the patience, I was worried as hell. Isn't everyone?

I've actually never heard anyone say "I think I'll be a great mum".

Maybe people who've had totally secure, happy childhoods? I really don't know.

Not me, that's for sure - but now, almost 12 years later, I can say with complete certainty that I am an absolutely great mum! Grin

Snazzynewyear · 22/01/2013 23:24

I've never heard anyone say it either. I have heard women say they think their partner will be a great dad. No data exists on whether they are accurate or are saying it in the hope it'll make it true

Cortana · 22/01/2013 23:25

YANBU not to like it.

I think it's nice though, these tend to be the people who wave at children from bus windows, are patient about your DS insisting on paying for his own snack at the supermarket and offer to help out with childcare when you're in a pickle.

"unless you are an actual parent then you really don't understand what it's like to have children" Many people who don't have children who do understand, again these are the brilliant step parents, aunts and uncles, friends who often don't even get the whinging rights that come with being a parent. Grin

DoJo · 22/01/2013 23:25

Doesn't everyone at least hope they will be a good parent before they have kids? And really all the harping about 'you can't know what it's like until you have them', well everyone was in that position once, so surely those who have at least given it some thought are better off than those who haven't...?

GingersarealwaysToms · 22/01/2013 23:28

Visualise That's the idea. If nothing else, it's conceited. I agree with you OP, anyone making proclamations about themselves makes me squirm *I'm good at my job ..... interesting .... good company ..." fill in your own gap. All the most interesting people are self-deprecating. And parenthood is the really complicated one. Like you, I'd never tell them, because I haven't the guts it would be too churlish to do so, but inside I'm cringing for them.

And of course, how on earth could they know? So naive.

GingersarealwaysToms · 22/01/2013 23:31

Actually Cortana I do agree with you; even if I sound as though I'm contradicting myself. About the aunties, step parents, etc. Well put.

Original poster
GameSetMatch87 · 22/01/2013 23:34

I'm sure a vast majority of us get pregnant and think you'll be the best mum we can possibly be.

But to declared I'm going to be a great mum, just seems a little smug.

I could say I'll be a great dog trainer because my family has dogs and my friends, but I have never owned a dog in my life - so how would I know i would be great dog trainer?

(Sorry for the comparison of children with dogs Grin )

OP posts:
BegoniaBampot · 22/01/2013 23:36

I don't think I've heard anyone ever say that.

Cortana · 22/01/2013 23:40

Thank you Gingers.

My SIL says it. "I'd be" rather than "I'll be". She can't have children, but she's right! The patience she has with my DS is touching, always has time to hear about the latest Lego creation.

She has true legendary auntie potential.

marriedinwhite · 22/01/2013 23:43

It's a silly thing to say. Does it mean I'll create a mother vision in the way of a mother Frankenstein or does it mean I'll create a mother vision in the way of a Stepford Wife, or perhaps I'll make a soft toy with some felt and some stuffing, give it leaky boobs and a pinny?

Do you mean that if I have a child I will do my best to be a good mother?

olgaga · 22/01/2013 23:43

Snazzy I have heard women say they think their partner will be a great dad.

Ha! We have obviously met. Thankfully I was right, but you don't have to spend too long here on MN to realise that's not a good reason to have a baby!

olgaga · 22/01/2013 23:44

How many people say Oh I think I'll be a shit mum?

Best to say nowt! Grin

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/01/2013 23:55

Is it like people saying "Oh I'd love to be a vet, I LOVE animals".

Loving them is probably not an advantage if you need to operate, inject, PTS, see abbatoirs in action, laboratories, put your arm up their bottoms and worse....
deal with their owners Hmm

HopAndSkip · 23/01/2013 03:05

Cortana They don't know what it's like to be a parent, with the possible exception of a step parent who's very involved from early on.
They know what it's like to be a aunt/friend/whatever they really are.

LadyMaryCrawley · 23/01/2013 09:44

"I'm not one of those people that would say 'you don't understand because you don't have children' but unless you are an actual parent then you really don't understand what it's like to have children"

Err, you just did. So you are. And what would you like us to say? "Actually, I'm terrified about being responsible for a tiny new life, I don't have a clue, what if I drop my baby or it won't sleep or what if I'm not cut out to be a mum and don't have enough patience, oh God oh God I'll probably be the worst mum ever and I'm having this baby in the next three weeks aaargh"

MarilynValentine · 23/01/2013 09:51

Hehe LadyMary - good luck!

I think it isn't about parenting, it's about being a leetle bit arrogant. Not to think it of yourself, but to make the statement.

"Wow I look amazing in this dress!"

"I've got a very high IQ"

"I'm soooooo much fun"

"I'm going to be such a great mum"

Ya know? Possibly all true. Just a teensy bit obnoxious Grin

sydlexic · 23/01/2013 09:52

All through my childhood I thought about what I would be like when I was a mum. I thought how I would never do many things that my DM did.

I have an abnormal amount of patience and have never shouted at anyone in my life. I thought I would make a great mum, and I wasn't wrong.

(sadly this chilled persona is caused by a lack of testosterone, which causes MC, but you cant have everything) I have 3 DC

gimmecakeandcandy · 23/01/2013 09:52

You are right about people who don't have kids having no clue what it's like.

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