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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friends dh going out with other woman and she's not invited.

44 replies

catpark · 22/01/2013 21:49

My friend phoned me and is pissed with her husband. Apparently he is going to see the new tour of rocky horror with a group of work friends. She wanted to see it but he said it was just work. He let slip that it is only him going with 5 woman, no other men ! She is furious with him as he is also planning on going out for a meal after.

He doesn't think there's anything wrong with doing it, what do others think ? I think he's out of order myself.

OP posts:

toldmywrath · 22/01/2013 22:20

I agree with you OP that he's out of order. So he can put 5women work colleagues before his wife-she wants to see the show . He should take her.

MsVestibule · 22/01/2013 22:20

Taken in isolation, the Rocky Horror outing with female colleagues is a non-issue. However, I can understand why she is upset that her husband refused to go and see it with her, but is willing to go with work colleagues, especially as they never go anywhere socially together.

GlitterySkulls · 22/01/2013 23:40

i personally would be really pissed off if i never got to socialise with DH, i really wanted to see/go to/do something, he wouldn't go with me but went with colleagues, male OR female. i'd think that i should be the priority (especially as we never got any time together) not 5 people he works with.

Cluffyfunt · 22/01/2013 23:50

Whils I would have no problem if my DH went out with a group of work friends (female or male) I would be hurt if I'd asked him to go to a specific thing with me, only to be turned down flat.
I would be beyond hurt if he then decided to go to that thing with other people, be they male, female, aliens, or fish.

Your friend inbu.
Her DH has basically said that she is not worth going out with

AKissIsNotAContract · 22/01/2013 23:53

The Rocky horror show is shit, she's not missing much. Plus he'll probably get dressed up in all the gear and make up and be a bit of an embarrassment to be seen out with.

Devora · 22/01/2013 23:54

But why is it worse for him to go with 5 women than with 5 men?

Because that's what you were vexed about in your OP.

MidnightMasquerader · 23/01/2013 00:02

It is a bit shit that...

they never go out together
that she wanted he see this and he said no
that he changed his mind and is now going to see it
that he won't go with her to see it as well
that she is not getting any nights out as well to balance his...

It doesn't sound like they have much craic together at all, which is a bit sad.

BackforGood · 23/01/2013 00:05

I'm not sure what you are asking AIBU? about ?

Regarding your friend, I can't see why it would be a problem for him to go on a works night out. Your title suggests he's going on a date with another woman, but your OP suggests he's joining in a trip someone from work has organised. Pretty normal for these to be colleagues only, not 'bring a partner' things. If she wanted to go and see it that much, then why not book it when she first saw it was on ? again.

gimmecakeandcandy · 23/01/2013 00:08

Harsh responses here. Of course your mate is pissed off if he said no to seeing it with her and now suddenly he is off with them!

ripsishere · 23/01/2013 01:28

I can see three issues here.

They don't go out together. SINBU to want to spend more time with him.
He wouldn't go with her but will go with his colleagues. SINBU
He is going out with other women. Not one woman, women. She is being U.

My DH often goes out with other women or, occasionally just one other woman. I think i'd be unreasonable if I said he couldn't go, or asked him not to.

TheNebulousBoojum · 23/01/2013 06:34

Your title needs a plural then, otherwise it's misleading.
I work in a primary school, our works dos are usually gender imbalanced and sometimes there is one male to a number of females. I had no idea that going out with workmates involved a sexually-charged environment with a potential orgy as the outcome.
The problem isn't him going out as part of a group of colleagues, the problem is that given a choice he doesn't want to go on a date with his wife. So they need to sit down and work out why and sort it out honestly.

'They hardly go out together at all.' Why?

HecateWhoopass · 23/01/2013 06:37

I think it's really off that he will go out with workmates but rarely with her. And that she really wants to go to this and he's not prepared to go with her. But he is going with other people.

THAT is unreasonable of him.

It's not unreasonable of him to not want to be the only one bringing his partner on a work night out.

alphabetspaghetti · 23/01/2013 10:05

Maybe its a money issue too. It really is checked and far less inconvenient for one to go out than two. Also, maybe it wasn't his choice to go to the theatre. Sometimes you just have to go along with things.

I'm glad that so many people agree that it is fine to spend time in the company of another sex. I have a make friend who I regularly meet for lunch alone. DH knows about this and has absolutely no problem with this.

Had he not told his wife then that would have been a problem.

BelaLugosisShed · 23/01/2013 11:38

My issue would be that if I wanted to see the show, I would expect my husband to go and see it with me and not a group of people he works with, whatever sexual organs they possess.

newNN · 23/01/2013 11:51

I'd be upset too. I think he should go with his wife and not the colleagues. I don't see why it is okay to say no to his wife but yes to his colleagues.

I generally think that in a relationship you should want to do things with and for your partner, more than you want to do things with other people and if he is prioritising a work jolly over something his wife really wanted to do then that makes him a bit of a prick imo

FruitOwl · 23/01/2013 12:13

Will he be wearing suspenders?

hellsbellsmelons · 23/01/2013 12:22

I totally agree with cluffyfunt!
I would be majorly pee'd off too!

MusicalEndorphins · 23/01/2013 12:43

I ran this by my husband, we both look at it this way.
It is not something your friends husband HAS to attend.

She, his WIFE would love to see the show. He has refused to take her, with or without workmates, and is being selfish going without her.
Most husbands would want to please their wife and take them.
After all, these are only work people, and it is only a social outing.
He is being inconsiderate of her feelings, and the fact that he doesn't realize it, (or care) without someone telling him doesn't make him look very good.

Angelfootprints · 23/01/2013 13:21

Agree with cluffy, midnight, hectate and Musical

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