....to think this is odd, and a bit untruthful?

[Earlybird]

1. There are three families who have dc in the same year at school (two girls who are best friends, and a boy). We speak often about school news/issues/assignements, etc., and also socialise frequently (see each other probably twice a month - sometimes more). I speak to most of these parents via phone several times a week at length.

1. Two of the families live near each other, so get together more frequently on weekends (we are sometimes included, sometimes not - which is absolutely fine and not a problem). These two families have gone on skiing holidays together twice in the last two years.

1. I have been talking about wanting to take dd skiing (she has never been, and I have not been in years). We were with one of the families on New Year's Eve, and it was one of the main topics of conversation. We talked about the merits of various resorts, what equipment we would need to buy vs rent, etc.

1. This same family came to our house for a meal over the weekend. We spoke about upcoming holiday plans. I explained I had been researching various ski locations/resorts, and was meeting with someone later this week to look at photos from their Christmas ski trip, and they have offered to loan dd any ski clothes that she'll need.

1. DD told me this morning that the family we had over for a meal have a ski trip planned with the other family. The time and location are set, room and flight reservations made.

I think it is very odd that they would never mention they have a ski trip already planned and booked! The only conclusion I can draw is that they want it to stay just their two families (as it has been in the past). Fwiw - I am not unhappy we were not included/invited to join in - just a bit taken aback that this information was withheld.

Your opinions? Would you say anything, and if so, what? And what would you think this says about the friendship - if anything?

Could you ask them "If we enjoy skiing when we go, how about us all going together next year?" and seeing what their reaction is?

They didn't mention it because they didn't want to get into an awkward position of feeling they had to ask your family along.

There is one thing being friends with people because they have kids at the same school and sometimes a night out is good....quite another to want to holiday with them.

Why would you say anything?? It doesn't say anything about the friendship. You said they have holidayed together before so nothing new there then.

Jut because you are now interested in going ski-ing, it doesn't mean they should feel obliged to invite you on their holiday!

I don't think they wanted to invite you and I don't think they wanted to feel awkward about it so they just didn't mention it.

It does sound a bit like you were angling for an invite tbh if you were talking a lot about it, they were probably embarrassed

I think that they think you are "nice people, our children get along and we enjoy the occasional get together" type of friends, not "we would love to spend a whole week with you on holiday together" type of friends.

I think they probably just felt awkward about mentioning their holiday in case you expected an invite.

They probably felt quite uncomfortable (although I'm sure that wasn't your intention) about not asking you along but they don't want to and that's that.

I wouldn't take it too personally (although I'm sure it hurts just a little) but if everyone gets on in their two family party I'm sure they don't want to rock the boat by asking another familly. Also if their kids are more experienced skiers you all might not be in the same group, kids get upset etc.

I wasn't angling for an invite - I didn't know they were going until dd told me this morning!

Ah OK. People don't always tell you their holiday or any other plans whereas some people tell you everything that pops into their heads (boring!).

I aim to be in the middle.

I assumed they were not skiing this year as one family is having a beach holiday over half term instead.

This ski trip is evidently taking place over a long weekend, when there is a Monday off from school for a teacher 'training' day (which also happens to be dd's birthday weekend - which explains why they suggested I consider moving dd's sleepover party by a week 'because some people travel when there is a long weekend').

Of course you weren't angling for an invite as you didn't know they were going but it would probably have made them feel awkward if you are taking about ski-ing (obviously wanting to go at some stage asking about equipment etc) so just easier not to mention it at that moment.

Just forget about it :)

Maybe it was just for the purpose of explanation, but you seem to talk about these people in quite a distant way...referring to them as 'families' and how you talk at great length about 'school news/issues/assignements, etc'.

Do you think perhaps they're picking up on that?

The others sound like they see each other as real friends whereas you kind of sound like you see them as acquaintances.

I think Worra's got it. They see you as school-related-friends, not long term deep friends, and felt a bit uncomfortable raising the holiday subject in front of you as they knew it was something you really wanted to do but they weren't inviting you.

This ski trip is evidently taking place over a long weekend, when there is a Monday off from school for a teacher 'training' day (which also happens to be dd's birthday weekend - which explains why they suggested I consider moving dd's sleepover party by a week 'because some people travel when there is a long weekend').

So they were holding it back then really weren't they, as the opportunity came up to mention it and they chose not to. Probably because they would have felt bad but its a bit daft in my opinion as you clearly wouldn't have minded that they had already planned their holiday together.

I've been in this situation too and it does sting a little bit. Its makes it so much worse when people cover it up rather than just be honest.

They also may be wary of coming across as boasting, if they go regulary to somewhere that you would love to take your DD to.

If they and their children are experienced skiers they may not want the dynamics of the trip changing, which as happened to us when non divers used to come on holiday with us.

I doubt that it is personal.

I'd see it as more a case of they'd already booked the holiday together, there would be no way you could join them, and they were a bit embarrassed about mentioning it.

Well, if they invited you too they wouldn't be able to lend you the skiing equipment as they'd be using it themselves.

Plus they may have been away with the other friends before, and know that they can make it work. We have a number of friends we can have for dinner or a day or whatever, but only one couple we'd be confident holidaying with however much we enjoy the others' company.

As well as how the kids play together, it comes down to things like do we have the same approach to discipline, will there be a territory problem in the kitchen and so on - which you just don't know until you've tried.

I agree with others, they were worried you would try to invite yourself and didn't want to hurt your feelings by having to say no.

You could ask them in an off-hand if they have managed to book another holiday together this year, or even 'I hear you're heading to the ski slopes with X on the long weekend, you'll have to show me the pics afterwards!'

Ski holidays with mixed ability groups can be really hard work, especially with kids who are different levels and might not understand that they can't ski with their friends.

Simply say next time you see the one you'd been talking to,"Oh btw I didn't know you had a trip fixed up, sorry about that. Anyway if DD is still keen I'll see about some classes for her," and move onto an unrelated subject.