Critical/Interfering family members!

[Jenni145]

Hi,

I try to discipline my 3.5 year old gently, I used various techniques trying to shape her behaviour, trying not to make a big deal out of minor things but other things I talk to her about as she can understand.. anyway, I came to stay at my parents house at the end of my pregnancy so I could have baby first few months in Scotland, with my family, however my little brother - who is 19, and a bit of a lazy spoilt brat who thinks the world revolves around himself basically! - decided to start 'joining in' as if he is a grown up and allowed to discipline MY kids!

however he takes things out of proportion and he shuts my daughter in rooms and taunts her a bit (like pinching her 'drawings' and not giving it back (like saying 'got your drawing oops oops hehe okay here you go') < that is fine, except he doesn't give her it back and she cries and gets really upset and I have to calm it down etc, aand one day last week my daughter was naughty and I told her off and she was crying I told her to stay put where she was for 2 minutes, but then along comes my brother and picks her up and says aww its okay lets go and watch tv!! I was really annoyed as that really undermines my parental authority, so I said 'eh excuse me what do you think you're doing? you don't pick her up when I discipline her!!!' and he stormed off in a rage, and then our mum came and shouted at me!!

I'm confused...you say you stayed so your baby could have her first few months in Scotland but she's 3 and a half years old?

Your brother is a grown up.

However, he clearly doesn't understand kids at the moment...what with him being such a young adult and you're right to pull him up on interfering with your discipline techniques.

i wouldn't put up with the interference, but your DB is an adult at 19

You all need to sit down and discuss your issue calmly. Tell him you don't want him to get involved when you are disciplining your dd. Yanbu to want him to back off.

The rest of it thought yabu. If you can't come to an agreement calmly it may be better you go back home to your own house.

I think she's having baby number two.
Honestly if this were me, I'd go home, you aren't doing your Dd any favors, she's being teased (I can't abide teasing little kids by adults) confused, upset and no one else is helping. Why stay

Why don't you go home? Seems life would be simpler.

Time to go home if at all possible I think.

When I stay with ILs or my parents (which is rare) I relax my standards a lot because it's just too hard to keep things strict when there are other adults in the house who are not clued in. That works fine if it's a stay of a few days but I'd imagine it would be a nightmare over a long period, in which case at some point you would have to sit down with the others and lay down the law. Not easy if your family aren't great for respecting you, which seems to be the case with your family. Your brother sounds like a nasty fecker.

Why are you trapped there?

Snow?

You´ve rented your house out?

Go home if you can. I would never allow my child to be teased by an adult.
Shes your priority not your childish brother.
if my db did that he'd be flat on his back

It´s often hard to carry on discipline in other places.

I´d be more concerned about picking brother up on his bullying of your daughter tbh.

Go home. Simples.

It's not doing your DD any good being there is DB is teasing her.
DB is probably massively irratated by the noise and mess of your DD and not sure how to interact with her if he's not used to being around small children.

She wants her new child to be officially Scottish I think, hence the stay in Scotland. That's how I read it anyway.

Go home. I would not want any child of mine teased in this way. It will be a lot less stressful if you're in your own home. Could your DM come stay with you instead? I assume that you are staying for a bit of help in the first few months. It's not going to be much help if you are stressing.about dd1 discipline and being teased.